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FHE  CORRECT  THING 


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A  Hand-book  of  Good  Manners 
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SOCIAL  CUSTOMS 

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A  Complete  Manual  of  American  Etiquette 
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MY  BOY  AND  I 

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A  discussion  of  the  problems  that  confront 
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WOMAN'S  CLUB  WORK  AND  PROGRAMS 

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THE  COMPLETE  CLUB  BOOK  FOR  WOMEN 
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A  eomplete  encyclopedia  for  the  club  woman 
By  Caroline  French  Benton 


THE  PAGE  COMPANY 
53  Beacon  Street,  Boston,  Mass. 


Copyright,  igo2 
By  Dana  Estes  &  Company 


All  rights  reserved 


Thirty-first  Impression,  August,  1921 


Made  in  U.S.A. 


THE  COLONIAL  PRESS 
C.  H.  SIMONDS  CO.,  BOSTON,  U.  S.  A. 


^  7/ ' ' 


CONTENTS 


PAGE 

At  the  Writing  -  Desk.      .,  .12 

In  Invitations  24 

When  Making  Calls  34 

In  Conversation  58 

In  Speech  64 

In  the  Family  Circle       .      .      »      .  74 

At  a  Dinner  102 

At  Table  130 

At  a  Dance  .152 

At  Afternoon  Tea  or  Reception    .  .168 

At  Luncheon  .180 

Qn  Marriage  -  Engj^emjents]     .       .       .  192 
For  a  Wedding  .       .       .       .       .  .198 

In  Matters  of  Dress        ....  222 

In  the  Street   238„t' 

When  Travelling      ...      »      .  .252 


187369 


Contents 


PAGE 

When  Travelling  in  Street  -  Cars  .       .  268 

In  the  Business  World    ....  272 

In  Shopping   282 

In  Mourning       ......  288 

At  a  Club   302 

At  College   312 

At  a  Coeducational  College  .      .      ,  324 

At  School   326 

At  a  Boarding- School     ....  332 

At  a  Woman's  Club  ....      *  336 


PREFACE 


FOURTEEN  years  have  elapsed  since  the  first 
edition  of  this  little  book  was  published.  Dur- 
ing that  time  so  many  changes  have  taken  place  m 
manners  and  social  customs,  that  a  revision  seems 
desirable. 

With  the  increase  in  the  wealth  of  our  country, 
has  come  increased  expenditure  by  our  people,  show- 
ing itself  in  a  more  expensive  style  of  living,  and  m 
greater  show  and  circumstance  on  certam  occasions. 
On  the  other  hand,  the  taste  of  Americans  has  be- 
come more  refined,  and  the  vulgarity  of  ostentation 
is  more  generally  recognized.  Elegance  of  appoint- 
ment, decoration  and  service  characterize  modern 
entertainments,  rather  than  the  crude  display  of  a 
somewhat  rude  plenty,  and  of  heterogeneous  though 
gorgeous  ornamentation.  In  a  word,  quality  is  now 
sought  for  rather  than  quantity,  and  greater  sim- 
plicity prevails  in  some  directions.  Indeed  in  a 
democratic  country  like  our  own.  a  dignified  sim- 
plicity of  life  and  manners  seems  especially  appro- 
priate, and  doubtless  these  are  to  be  found  all  over 
our  broad  land.  High  thinking  and  plain  living  are 
still  esteemed  among  us,  despite  the  growth  of  luxury, 


lo  ((Preface 


while  modern  physicians  prescribe  the  latter  {i.e. 
plain  living),  even  to  their  most  fashionable  clients. 

Our  increasing  familiarity  with  the  customs  of  the 
older  world,  as  well  as  the  scientific  tendency  of  the 
times,  makes  us  more  inclined  to  do  all  things  "  ex- 
actly and  in  order."  Hence  we  place  an  increased 
value  on  etiquette  or  the  observance  of  proper  forms. 

It  is  to  be  feared  that  the  manners  of  Americans 
in  public  places  are  not  improving  in  all  respects. 
Owing  doubtless  to  a  misunderstanding  on  the  part 
of  men,  of  the  views  and  aims  of  the  new  woman,  as 
she  is  called,  and  perhaps  to  a  display  of  too  great 
energy  and  self-confidence  on  her  part,  there  is  per- 
ceptible in  some  of  our  cities  a  tendency  to  treat  the 
fair  sex  with  diminished  courtesy.  Our  American  men 
are  at  heart  so  generous  toward  women,  and  therefore 
so  chivalrous  in  the  best  sense  of  the  word,  that  we 
may  trust  to  time  and  a  better  mutual  understanding, 
to  overcome  the  friction  consequent  upon  the  changed 
position  of  woman. 

The  author  has  revised  "  The  Correct  Thing"  with 
much  care,  giving  new  customs  and  fashions,  while 
not  necessarily  condemning  the  old.  It  is  her  hope 
and  belief  that  the  book  will  be  of  use  to  many  of 
her  countrymen  and  countrywomen. 

The  Author  of  Social  Customs. 


BREVITY  is  the  soul  of  wit ;  but  a  soul  cannot 
do  without  a  body  in  our  mortal  world.  If 
therefore,  in  this  brief  treatise  matters  are  so  con- 
densed that  he  who  runs  (or  rides)  may  read,  it  must 
evidently  be  with  the  understanding  that  the  reader 
shall  give  the  body  of  his  own  intelligence  to  the  soul 
of  these  short  sentences.  Condensation  is  often  im- 
portant for  convenience  in  carrying  with  us  material 
for  future  expansion.  In  the  little  work  here  offered, 
it  has  been  attempted  on  this  ground.  The  result 
sought  will  not  be  attained  unless  those  who  may 
take  the  book  in  hand  shall  themselves  supply  the 
expanding  force  of  sympathy  and  intelligent  appre- 
hension, reading  between  the  lines,  and  even  across 
ihe  page,  since  neither  the  positive  nor  the  negative 
statements  are  complete  in  themselves,  each  neediiig 
the  complement  of  its  opposite. 


12  Z^e  Cotmt  €^inQ 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  use  good  jet-black  ink. 

To  use  handsome,  thick,  plain  white  paper. 
Many  smart  people  now  use,  for  ordinary  corre- 
spondence, granite  paper ;  for  formal  notes,  fine 
delicate  bond  paper,  or  linen,  in  white,  or  in  any 
very  delicate  color,  such  as  very  pale  gray,  with 
silver  address  or  monogram. 

To  fold  and  direct  a  letter  neatly,  and  to  put 
on  the  stamp  evenly,  and  in  the  proper  corner. 

To  put  on  as  many  stamps  as  the  weight  of 
the  letter  or  parcel  demands. 

For  the  autograph  fiend  to  enclose  a  stamped 
and  directed  envelope  when  writing  to  his  in- 
tended victim. 

To  enclose  a  stamp  when  writing  to  a  stranger 
on  your  own  business. 

To  use  sealing-wax,  if  you  know  how  to  make 
a  fair  and  handsome  seal. 

According  to  a  recent  fashion,  to  address  an 
envelope  to  a  married  lady,  "  Mrs.  Seward,  Care 
of  Theodore  Seward,  Esq." 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  use  pale  or  colored  ink. 

To  use  ruled  note-paper,  except  for  business 
communications. 

To  use  note-paper  of  bright,  variegated,  or 
very  dark  colors,  or  envelopes  of  eccentric 
shape. 

To  use  a  monogram  or  other  device  on  an 
envelope. 

To  use  stamped  or  yellow  envelopes,  except 
for  familiar  or  business  correspondence. 

To  mail  a  letter  without  a  stamp  on  it. 

To  use  sealing-wax  if  you  don't  know  how,  or 
if  you  have  not  time  to  make  the  seal  carefully. 

To  make  a  seal  with  a  thimble  or  other  mis- 
cellaneous object  not  intended  for  the  purpose. 

To  direct  an  envelope  wrong  side  up. 

To  use  postal  cards  for  private  correspond- 
ence. 

To  write  only  the  first  letters  of  a  word,  and 
to  represent  the  remainder  by  a  series  of  unin- 
telligible loops  or  runs. 


14  Comet  t^inq 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  fold  a  letter  right-side  up,  so  that  the 
person  who  receives  it  will  not  be  obliged  to  turn 
it,  after  taking  it  out  of  the  envelope,  before  he 
can  read  it. 

To  use  postal  cards  for  ordinary  business 
communication  s. 

To  use  black-edged  note-paper  when  one  is  in 
mourning. 

To  write  legibly. 

To  write  straight. 

To  spell  correctly. 

To  write  numbers,  dates,  and  proper  names 
with  especial  care  and  distinctness. 

To  date  a  letter  at  the  beginning,  on  the  right- 
hand  side,  and  a  note  at  the  end  on  the  left- 
hand. 

To  use  both  the  day  of  the  week  and  that  of 
the  month  when  dating  a  letter,  and  in  a  busi- 
ness communication  to  give  the  year  also. 

To  use  a  monogram  or  device  on  note-paper, 
either  with  or  without  the  address. 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  write  a  dunning,  threatening,  or  faultfind- 
ing communication  on  a  postal  card. 

To  cultivate  a  clerklike  or  commercial  hand, 
except  for  business  correspondence. 

To  write  a  business  communication  on  a 
postal  card,  where  it  may  annoy  the  recipient 
to  have  his  business  or  occupation  thus  publicly 
set  forth. 

To  write  in  hieroglyphics. 

To  write  up  hill  and  down  dale. 
.  To  use  a  great  number  of  flourishes. 

Tc  imitate  the  handwriting  of  another  person 
to  such  a  degree  as  to  lose  the  original  character 
of  one's  own. 

To  sign  a  letter  with  a  nickname,  —  such  as 
"Mamie,"  "Bessy,"  etc.,  —  unless  when  writing 
to  an  intimate  friend. 

To  sign  a  friendly  letter,  written  to  an  equal, 
^  Your  obedient  servant,"  or  "  Yours  respect- 
fully." 

To  underline  or  accent  words  frequently. 


1 6  Comet  €^im 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  have  one's  address  engraved  at  the  top 
of  one's  note  or  letter  paper,  using  colored  or 
embossed  white  letters  for  ordinary  correspond- 
ence, gold  and  silver  for  formal  notes. 

To  give  one's  full  address  when  writing  to 
a  person  who  does  not  know  it,  and  from  whom 
an  answer  is  desired. 

To  sign  a  letter  with  the  full  name,  or  with 
the  last  name  and  initials. 

For  a  lady  to  sign  her  last  name  and  initials, 
instead  of  her  Christian  name,  when  writing  to 
a  comparative  stranger,  to  a  younger  person, 
to  a  servant,  or  when  writing  on  business. 

To  sign  a  business  letter,  "Your  obedient 
servant,"  '  "Yours  very  truly,"  "Yours  very  sin- 
cerely," "  Yours  respectfully,"  or  "  Yours  truly." 

' "  Your  obedient  servant "  is  now  little  used  in  this 
country  save  in  official  letters,  when  the  signature  would 
be,  in  writing  to  the  President  of  the  United  States,  for 
instance,  "  I  have  the  honour  to  remain  your  most 
obedient  servant." 


17 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  write  "  My  Dear  Sir."  It  should  be  "  My 
dear  Sir,"  or  "  Dear  Sir." 

To  abbreviate  words.  "  And  "  should  never 
be  written  "&,"  nor  "which"  "  wh,"  etc. 

To  use  slang. 

To  say,  "  I  take  my  pen  in  hand." 

To  sign  a  letter,  "Very  Sincerely,  Sarah 
Jones,"  omitting  the  "  Yours." 

To  begin  the  first  sentence  of  a  letter  or  note 
with  a  small  letter. 

To  cross  a  letter.  It  is  inexcusable  to  do  so, 
when  postage  and  paper  are  both  so  cheap. 

To  write  in  haste  where  one  can  possibly  avoid 
it,  unless  to  intimate  friends.  Besides  the  liabil- 
ity to  make  mistakes  or  to  express  one's  meaning 
imperfectly,  haste  implies  a  lack  of  formality, 
and  therefore  of  respect  for  one's  correspondent. 

To  use  figures  to  express  quantities,  as  "  4 
quarts." 

To  write  a  letter  in  the  third  person,  and  sign 
it  in  the  first. 


1 8  t^c  Correct  Z^tn§ 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  sign  a  letter  to  a  superior,  "  Yours  respect- 
fully." 

To  avoid  beginning  a  letter  with  the  pro- 
noun "I." 

For  ladies  to  write  a  large,  free  hand,  accord- 
ing to  the  present  fashion. 

To  preface  a  business  letter  with  the  name 
and  address  of  your  correspondent. 

To  make  the  signature  correspond  with  the 
general  tone  of  the  letter;  that  is,  to  sign  a 
formal  letter  in  a  formal  but  courteous  manner, 
and  a  friendly  or  affectionate  letter  in  a  friendly 
manner. 

To  use  figures  for  giving  dates  or  the  numbei: 
of  a  house  or  street.' 

To  direct  a  letter  to  a  married  lady  with  her 
husband's  full  name,  or  last  name  and  initials. 

'  Custom  now  sanctions  writing  out  in  full  the  day  of 
the  month,  when  dating  a  letter,  as  "  January  thirteenth," 
though  it  is  by  no  means  obligatory  to  do  so.  The 
numbered  streets  are  now  written  in  letters — as  Twelfth 
Street. 


19 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  write  anonymous  letters,  even  with  a  good 
intention.  It  is  considered  very  cowardly  to 
do  so. 

For  those  who  do  not  belong  to  the  Society 
of  Quakers  or  Friends,  to  begin  a  letter  "  Dear 
Friend,"  instead  of  "  Dear  Sir,"  or  "  Dear  Mr. 
Jones." 

To  use  "  he,"  "  she,"  etc.,  first  for  one  person, 
and  then  for  another,  in  the  same  sentence. 

To  put  the  most  important  part  of  a  letter  in 
the  postscript. 

To  write  the  number  of  the  year  in  full,  as 
"  Nineteen  hundred  and  blank,"  since  this  seems 
affected  and  exaggerated. 

To  direct  a  letter  to  a  married  lady,  using  her 
own  name  or  initials. 

For  a  married  lady,  in  a  business  correspond- 
ence, to  omit  to  give,  in  each  letter,  her  husband's 
initials,  and  take  offense  when  she  is  addressed 
according  to  her  signature. 


20  Z^t  Correct  ^^tng 

It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  address  a  letter  to  a  clergyman,  "  Rev. 
Simeon  Dix,"  and  to  a  doctor  of  divinity,  "  Rev. 
Thomas  King,  D.  D.,"  to  a  bishop,  "  Right 
Rev.  Silas  Linworth,  D.  D.,"  to  a  judge,  membei- 
of  Congress,  mayor  of  a  city,  or  member  of  a 
State  legislature,  "  Hon.  Montclair  Smith,"  and 
in  the  case  of  a  member  of  Congress,  to  add 
M.  C.  after  the  name. 

To  write  "Rev.  and  Mrs.  T.  J.  Sawyer,"  or 
"  Dr.  and  Mrs.  Paul  Jones." 

To  write  "  Esq."  after  a  gentleman's  name 
when  addressing  any  letter  except  a  note  of 
invitation,  and  when  he  has  no  other  title. 

To  remember  that  a  written  communication  is 
necessarily  more  formal  than  a  verbal  one,  and 
therefore  must  be  uniformly  courteous,  and  should 
rarely  contain  jokes  or  personal  allusions  which 
might  be  misconstrued. 

To  write  "  Please  address  Mrs.  or  Miss  J.  T." 
where  it  is  desirable  to  let  your  correspondent 
know  by  what  title  to  address  you. 


21 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  address  a  letter  to  a  bishop  Bishop  Pot- 
ter," or  to  a  doctor  of  divinity  "  Dr.  Clarke." 

To  address  an  army  or  navy  officer  by  the 
title  belonging  to  a  lower  grade  than  his  own. 

To  write  when  angry,  or  to  write  threatening 
letters,  thus  getting  one's  self  into  much  trouble, 
and  perhaps  incurring  lawsuits. 

To  write  "  Mrs.  Rev.  Thomas  Sawyer,"  or 
"Mrs.  Dr.  Paul  Jones,"  or  ''Margaret  Deland," 
omitting  "  Mrs." 

To  write  long  letters,  save  possibly  to  intimate 
friends. 

To  write  familiarly  to  persons  whom  one  does 
not  know  well,  to  one's  elders,  or  to  those  who 
occupy  a  high  position. 

To  write  a  letter,  and  say  nothing  in  it. 

To  grumble  or  find  fault  on  paper. 

To  sign  one's  name  with  any  title  prefixed,  as 
Mrs.,"  "  Miss,"  "  Mr.,"  etc. 


22  Comet  t^in^ 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  answer  ail  letters  promptly. 

To  remember  that  "the  written  word  remains," 
and  therefore  to  write  with  due  caution  and 
clearness. 

To  be  concise,  but  never  curt. 

To  remember  that  the  adoption  of  a  courteous 
and  dignified  tone  shows  greater  self-respect 
than  would  the  assumption  of  an  undue  famil- 
iarity. 

To  avoid  egotism  on  paper,  as  elsewhere. 

To  read  over  letters  before  sending  them  off. 

To  write  to  a  friend  or  hostess  after  making 
a  visit  at  her  house,  thanking  her  for  her  hos- 
pitality. 

In  addressing  a  business  communication  to  a 
writer,  business  or  professional  woman,  to  use 
her  own  name,  instead  of  her  husband's,  when 
she  herself  uses  it  in  business. 


23 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  omit  to  leave  a  margin  on  the  left  side, 
when  writing  a  business  letter,  especially  if  it  is 
to  a  person  of  the  old  school. 

To  write  Present,"  Addressed,"  "  Kindness 
of  Mr.  Grimes."  or  Favored  by  Mr.  Jones,"  on 
a  letter  which  is  to  be  delivered  by  a  private 
messenger.  These  superscriptions  are  going 
rapidly  out  of  fashion,  though  still  used  by  some 
people. 

To  write  long  letters  to  prominent  people  upon 
whose  valuable  time  one  has  no  just  claim,  ask- 
ing them  a  variety  of  questions,  or  requesting  an 
autograph  copy  of  a  poem. 


24  Cotuct  $gmg 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  send  out  all  the  invitations  for  an  entertain- 
ment at  the  same  time,  as  nearly  as  it  is  possible 
to  do  so,  and  to  send  them  out  in  good  season. 

To  issue  invitations  for  a  large  dinner  in  the 
gay  season,  a  month,  for  a  large  reception  or 
ball,  three  weeks  beforehand,  in  a  large  city. 

To  use  plain  cards  or  note  paper,  engraved  in 
plain  script  ^  for  any  large  or  formal  occasion, 
such  as  a  reception,  ball,  dinner,  etc. 

To  invite  guests  to  a  luncheon  or  dinner  by 
means  of  written  invitations,  if  one  prefer  to  do  so. 

To  write  a  note  of  invitation  with  great  care, 
on  rather  small  plain  white  paper  of  the  best 
quality,  and  to  pay  special  attention  to  spacing 
and  dividing  the  words  correctly.  Thus  "  Dr. 
and  Mrs.  L.  B.  Fox  "  must  all  be  written  on  the 
same  line. 

To  write  "  Mrs.  T.  H.  Johnson  requests  the 
pleasure  of  Mr.  Z.  K.'s  company." 

*  Old  English  and  Roman  letters  have  once  more  come 
into  fashion. 


3n  3ni?tfafton5 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  invite  any  one,  save  an  intimate  friend,  at 
the  eleventh  hour.  If  a  dinner-guest  disappoint 
you  at  the  last  moment,  no  one  will  be  compli- 
mented by  an  invitation  given  merely  to  fill  a 
vacant  place. 

To  issue  invitations  for  an  entertainment  at 
such  a  late  hour  that  the  guests  will  receive  them 
after  they  have  made  other  arrangements  for  the 
day  named,  or  perhaps  after  the  entertainment 
:s  over. 

To  invite  some  guests  in  good  season,  and 
others  at  the  eleventh  hour.  In  this  case  the 
latter  will  feel  themselves  insulted  rather  than 
complimented  by  the  invitation. 

To  use  the  phrase  "  presents  his  compliments," 
although  some  people  still  use  it. 

To  write  Mrs.  T.  H.  Johnson  requests  the 
pleasure  of  y(r4r  company." 


26  t^t  Comcf  $5tng 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

For  a  bachelor  to  "  request  the  honor  "  in  in- 
vitations addressed  to  ladies,  or  he  may  "  request 
the  pleasure." 

To  invite  in  the  name  of  the  hostess  alone, 
except  for  weddings  or  dinner-parties/ 

To  invite  in  the  names  of  both  host  and  hostess 
for  a  wedding  or  a  dinner-party. 

For  a  young  lady  who  is  no  longer  very  young 
to  issue  invitations  for  a  tea. 

For  a  widower  to  issue  invitations  fof  recep- 
tions and  dinners  in  his  own  name  and  that 
of  his  eldest  daughter,  if  she  has  been  for 
some  years  in  society,  or  in  his  own  name 
alone. 

In  accordance  with  the  new  custom,  to  send 
invitations  through  the  post-office,  if  one  prefer 
to  do  so,  in  which  case  they  should  be  enclosed 
in  two  envelopes. 

'  Invitations  to  an  evening  reception^  or  to  a  dance 
given  in  a  public  hall,  should  also  be  sent  in  the  name 
both  host  and  hostess. 


3n  Snutfafions 


27 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 
For  a  bachelor  to  issue    At  Home  "  cards. 

To  issue  invitations  for  a  wedding  or  a  dinner 
in  the  name  of  the  hostess  alone. 

For  a  very  young  lady  to  issue  invitations  in 
her  own  name. 

For  a  young  lady  to  invite  gentlemen  in  her 
own  name,  instead  of  saying  that  she  writes  at 
the  request  of  her  mother  or  chaperone. 

To  send  dinner-invitations  by  post ;  ^  some 
persons  still  send  all  invitations  by  private  hand. 

To  address  a  note  of  invitation  to  "  Mrs.  T.  L. 
James  and  family"  although  it  is  sometimes 
done.  The  form  is  an  undesirable  one,  and 
should  be  avoided  if  possible. 

*  It  is  becoming  more  and  more  the  custom  to  use  the 
post,  even  for  dinner-invitations. 


28  t^t  Correct  t^inq 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  use  the  word  ball "  for  a  public  or  sub' 
scription  ball. 

To  address  an  invitation  or  other  letter  which 
is  to  be  delivered  by  a  private  hand,  with  the 
number  of  the  house  and  the  name  of  the  street, 
but  not  with  that  of  the  city  or  town. 

To  write  "  R.  s.  v.  p."  '  below  an  invitation, 
where  an  answer  is  especially  desired.  The 
English  use  the  phrase  "  The  favor  of  an  answer 
is  requested." 

To  send  general  invitations  —  that  is,  invita^ 
tions  to  large  general  occasions,  weddings,  etc. 
—  to  persons  in  mourning.  Such  invitations  are 
sent  by  way  of  compliment  merely. 

To  answer  an  invitation  to  a  dinner  or  a  formal 
luncheon  at  once,  and  to  accept  or  refuse  it  defi- 
nitely. 

To  answer  all  invitations,  save  "  At  Home  "  or 
wedding-cards,  promptly. 

*  It  is  said  that  the  use  of  these  initials  is  going  some- 
what out  of  fashion. 


3n  3ni?ifaf{ons 


29 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  use  the  word  '-ball  in  invitations  to  an 
entertainment  given  by  a  private  individual, 

To  address  an  invitation  to  ■■  Miss  "  or  "  Mrs. 
Smith  and  escort." 

To  address  an  invitation  to  a  gentleman  and 
his  wife  or  fiancee,  "  Mr.  Peters  and  lady'' 

To  write  '•  R.  s.  v.  p."'  on  an  invitation  to 
dinner,  or  on  an    At  Home  card. 

To  send  invitations  to  a  household  within  a 
month  after  a  death  has  occurred  in  it. 

To  send  invitations  to  dinners  or  luncheons  to 
people  who  are  in  real  affliction  and  in  deep 
mourning. 

To  answer  "  At  Home  "  cards  or  invitations  to 
afternoon  teas,  unless  an  answer  is  requested, 

To  answer  an  invitation  to  a  wedding-reception, 
unless  requested  to  do  so.  or  unless  it  is  to  be  a 
very  small  occasion. 


30  S:^e  Correct  €^im 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  accept  a  first  invitation  whenever  it  is 
possible  to  do  so. 

For  people  in  deep  mourning  to  refuse  an  in- 
vitation without  giving  a  reason,  and  also  to  send 
their  visiting-cards,  with  a  black  border,  on  the 
day  of  the  entertainment,  thus  showing  the  reason 
of  their  refusal. 

To  accept  or  regret  your  inability  to  do  so,  in 
the  present  tense. 

To  use  the  phrase  "  regrets  extremely  that  a 
previous  engagement  must  deprive  him  of  the 
pleasure  of  accepting,"  or  "  that  absence  from 
the  city  must  prevent  his  accepting,"  etc. 

To  direct  an  answer  to  an  invitation  to  the 
person  or  persons  in  whose  name  it  is  given, 
whether  you  know  them  or  not 

If  a  person  is  unable,  through  illness,  a  death 
in  the  family,  or  any  other  sufficiently  serious 
cause,  to  keep  a  dinner-engagement,  to  write  at 
once  or  telegraph  to  the  giver  of  the  entertain- 
ment. 


3n  3ni){faf{ons 


3^ 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  answer  an  invitation  to  a  dinner,  a  formal 
luncheon,  breakfast,  or  supper,  in  a  doubtful  or 
hesitating  manner. 

To  refuse  an  invitation  without  giving  a  rea- 
son for  doing  so. 

To  write  will  accept  "  or  "  unll  prevent  his 
accepting." 

To  use  the  words  ''avail''  or  '''preclude"  in 
answering  an  invitation. 

To  "  decline"  an  invitation.^ 

To  abbreviate  in  writing  or  answering  an 
invitation. 

To  send  an  answer  to  an  invitation  to  the  mem- 
ber of  a  family  whom  you  know,  when  it  was 
written  in  the  name  of  some  other  member. 

To  leave  out  the  day,  or  for  a  dinner  or  lunch 
the  hour,  in  answering  an  invitation,  since  a  mis- 
take might  thus  arise. 

*  It  is  sometimes  done,  at  the  present  time,  althougb 
die  older  form  "  unable  to  accept  "  is  more  courteous. 


32  Correct  Z^in^ 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

In  sending  invitations  to  an  entire  family,  to 
address  one  to  the  husband  and  wife,  one  to  the 
daughter  or  daughters,  and  a  third  to  the  brother 
or  brothers. 

To  direct  notes  of  invitation  to  "  Mr.  B.  J." 

To  write  "  Miss  Brown  and  brother,  "  although 
most  gentlemen,  especially  if  they  have  been  in 
society  for  some  years,  prefer  to  have  a  separate 
note  of  invitation  sent  to  them.  Where  there  are 
several  brothers  living  together,  to  address  one 
invitation  to  them  collectively,  as  "  The  Messrs. 
Smith,"  or  to  address  one  to  each  of  them,  the 
latter  method  being  preferred,  at  the  present  time. 

To  send  a  separate  invitation,  addressed  to  his 
residence  or  club,  to  a  young  gentleman  who 
lives  in  the  same  city  with  his  parents,  but  not 
in  the  same  house. 

To  answer  all  invitations  courteously  and  with 
due  formality,  making  the  answer  correspond 
with  the  form  of  the  invitation. 

To  invite  one  unmarried  member  of  a  family 
without  the  rest,  to  a  dinner  or  a  luncheon. 


3n  3n>?tfafion0 


33 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  answer  a  note  of  invitation  on  business- 
paper. 

To  send  a  verbal  answer  to  a  written  invitation. 

To  direct  a  note  of  invitation  to  "  B.  J.,  Esq." 

To  write  "  Misses  Brown  and  Brothers "  on 
an  invitation. 

To  send  a  separate  invitation  to  every  member 
of  a  large  family,  where  there  are  a  number  of 
brothers  and  sisters.  It  would  look  ostentatious 
to  do  so. 

To  answer  an  invitation  on  a  visiting-card,  or 
to  write  "  regrets  "  on  one. 

To  invite  a  gentleman  without  his  wife,  or  a 
lady  without  her  husband,  unless  it  be  to  an 
entertainment  where  gentlemen  alone  or  ladies 
alone  are  invited. 

To  invite  one  member  of  a  family  only,  to  a 
large  reception,  where  a  visiting  acquaintance 
exists  between  the  two  families. 


34  Cotncf  t^irxQ 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  use  perfectly  plain  visiting-cards,  of  fine 
pasteboard,  engraved  in  plain  script.^ 

In  an  emergency,  if  obliged  to  use  a  written 
visiting-card,  to  write  one's  name  with  pencil, 
rather  than  with  pen  and  ink,  since  the  use  of  the 
latter  would  seem  to  imply  deliberate  purpose. 

For  a  gentleman  to  use  a  smaller  card  than 
a  lady,  and  one  narrower  in  proportion  to  its 
length. 

For  a  gentleman  to  prefix  "  Mr."  to  his  name 
on  a  visiting-card. 

For  an  officer  in  the  army  or  navy,  a  physician, 
a  judge,  or  a  minister  of  the  gospel  to  use  his 
title  on  a  visiting-card. 

To  use  the  full  name  on  a  visiting-card,  as 
"  Mrs.  Joel  Cotton  Smith,"  "  Miss  Clara  Howard 
Jameson." 

For  a  lady  to  prefix  "  Mrs."  or  "  Miss,"  as  the 
case  may  be,  to  her  name  on  a  visiting-card. 

*  Old  English  and  Roman  letters  have  again  come  into 
fashion,  after  a  long  period  of  disuse. 


W^en  (Staging  Caffs  35 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 
To  use  glazed  or  enamelled  visiting-cards. 

To  use  cards  with  any  fancy  device  upon  them, 
cards  of  irregular  shape,  or  those  with  a  border 
of  any  sort,  —  such  as  an  embossed  border  or  a 
gilt  edge. 

To  use  visiting-cards  that  are  printed  or  written 
by  hand,  instead  of  engraved. 

To  use  militia  or  other  complimentary  titles  on 
a  visiting-card. 

To  use  a  nickname  on  a  visiting-card,  as  "  Miss 
Hatty  Jones,"  "  Mr.  Tom  Bridges." 

For  an  American  citizen  to  use  a  coat-of-arms 
on  a  visiting-card. 

For  a  married  man  to  have  his  address  en- 
graved on  his  personal  cards,  left  in  connection 
with  the  joint  card  of  his  wife  and  himself. 

For  a  lady  to  have  her  name  engraved  *'  Mary 
Brown,"  without  any  prefix. 


36  t^c^  Coxuct  t^itxQ 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

For  a  married  lady  to  use  her  husband's  full 
name  or  last  name  and  initials. 

For  a  gentleman,  a  married  lady,  or  a  young 
lady  who  has  been  for  some  time  in  society,  to 
have  his,  or  her,  address  engraved  on  a  visiting- 
card. 

For  a  married  couple  to  have  a  card  engraved 
"Mr.  and  Mrs.  John  Smith"  to  be  used  fol 
formal  visiting. 

For  a  young  or  single  gentleman  to  put  the* 
name  of  his  club  on  his  card,  rather  than  his 
own  residence,  if  more  convenient  or  agreeable" 
to  do  so. 

For  a  widow  to  use  either  her  husband's  or 
her  own  initials  or  name  on  her  card.  She  has 
no  legal  right  to  use  the  former,  but  public  senti- 
ment is  in  favor  of  allowing  her  to  do  so. 

For  residents  in  a  small  suburban  town  to  put 
the  name  of  it  on  their  cards,  where  these  are  to 
be  used  in  a  neighboring  city,  in  order  to  avoid 
confusion. 


T»^en  (Stafting  Caffs  37 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

For  a  married  lady  to  use  her  own  Christian 
name  or  her  own  initials  on  a  visiting-card. 
To  put  a  college  degree  on  a  visiting-card  as 
A.  B."  "Ph.  D.,"  etc. 

For  a  single  woman  who  is  a  physician  to  have 
^'Mary  Brown,  M.  D."  instead  of  "Dr.  Mary 
Brown"  on  her  visiting-card,  although  it  is 
sometimes  done. 

For  a  very  young  lady  to  have  her  address  on 
a  visiting-card. 

For  the  wife  of  a  younger  brother  or  of  a 
younger  member  of  a  family  to  put  "  Mrs.  Sum- 
ner" on  her  visiting-card.  By  doing  so,  she 
usurps  a  title  which  belongs  only  to  the  wife  of 
the  head  of  a  family,  or  to  a  lady  whose  position 
is  so  distinguished  that  she  can  afford  to  dis- 
pense with  initials. 

To  have  the  name  of  a  city  or  town  engraved 
Dn  a  visiting-card. 


38  Z^c  Cottut  t^im 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

For  a  lady  to  have  her  reception-day  engraved 
in  the  left-hand  corner  of  the  card. 

For  a  widow  to  use  a  card  with  "  Mrs.  John 
Smith,  Sen.,"  on  it,  where  she  has  a  daughter-in- 
law  who  is  also  "  Mrs.  John  Smith." 

For  the  eldest  single  woman  belonging  to  the 
eldest  branch  of  a  family  to  use  "  Miss  Esmond  " 
on  her  card,  or  for  the  eldest  daughter  of  a 
younger  branch  to  do  so,  where  there  are  no 
single  women  in  the  older  branch. 

For  a  lady  very  prominent  in  society,  or  for 
the  wife  or  widow  of  the  eldest  brother  of  a  welL 
known  family,  to  put  simply  "  Mrs.  Winthrop " 
on  her  card. 

For  a  young  lady  to  have  her  name  engraved 
below  that  of  her  mother  on  the  same  card  ;  as,  — . 

Mrs.  Leonard  Smith, 
Miss  Smith. 

For  husband  and  wife  to  have  each  a  separate 
visiting-card  in  addition  to  their  joint  card. 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 


For  the  widow  of  Mr.  John  Smith  to  use  a 
card  with  "  Mrs.  John  Smith  "  on  it,  where  she 
has  a,  daughter-in-law  who  is  also  "  Mrs.  John 
Smith." 

For  a  single  lady  belonging  to  a  cadet  branch 
of  a  family  to  put  "  Miss  Esmond  "  on  her  card, 
where  there  are  single  ladies  in  the  older  branches 
also. 


For  a  f  oung  lady  to  leave  her  own  card  with- 
out that  of  her  mother  or  chaperone,  when  making 
formal  calls  during  her  first  year  in  society.  Ac- 
cording to  strict  etiquette,  she  does  not  need  a 
separate  card  of  her  own  during  that  time. 


40  Correct  Z^irtQ 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

For  a  woman  who  is  an  ordained  minister  to 
have  "  Rev.  Clara  M.  Scott "  engraved  on  hei 
card,  instead  of  "  Miss  Scott." 

For  a  lady  to  leave  her  husband's  cards,  and 
those  of  her  sons  and  daughters,  in  making  the 
first  call  of  the  season.^ 

For  a  lady  to  leave  her  husband's  cards,  as 
well  as  her  own,  after  a  dinner-party. 

For  a  lady  to  leave  two  cards  of  her  own,  and 
two  of  her  husband's,  when  calling  at  a  house 
where  there  is  more  than  one  lady. 

For  a  lady  to  leave  two  of  her  husband's  cards, 
when  calling  upon  another  married  lady,  —  one 
for  the  latter,  and  one  for  her  husband. 

For  a  lady  to  send  up  her  card  when  calling 
upon  a  stranger. 

'  According  to  the  latest  usage,  for  a  lady,  in  making  a 
formal  call,  to  leave  one  card  <'Mr.  and  Mrs.  Smith"  for 
the  lady  of  the  house,  a  second  of  the  same  sort,  if  there 
are  daughters  or  other  ladies  in  the  house,  a  card  of  her 
husband's,  "  Mr.  Smith,"  for  the  lady  of  the  house,  and  a 
second  for  the  latter's  husband. 


W^en  (glagmg  Caffs  41 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 


For  a  lady  to  leave  two  of  her  own  cards  when 
calling  upon  one  lady. 

For  a  lady  to  leave  more  than  three  of  her  own 
cards  at  one  house. 

For  a  lady  to  send  up  her  card  when  calling  on 
some  one  whom  she  already  knows,  instead  of 
leaving  it  on  the  hall-table  and  sending  up  her 
name.  It  is  constantly  done,  however,  since  few 
servants  in  this  country  are  sufficiently  well 
trained  to  remember  the  names  of  visitors,  even 
for  a  few  moments. 


42  ^^e  Comcf  Z^inc^ 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

For  a  lady  to  leave  two  cards  in  calling  upon 
a  mother  with  several  grown-up  daughters,  —  one 
for  the  mother,  and  one  for  the  daughters. 

When  calling  for  the  first  time  upon  several 
ladies  (who  are  not  mother  and  daughters),  to 
leave  a  card  for  each. 

For  a  lady,  if  admitted  to  make  a  call,  to  leave 
the  cards  of  the  gentlemen  of  her  family  on  the 
hall-table. 

When  calling  upon  a  guest,  to  leave  a  card  for 
the  hostess  also. 

To  write  on  a  card  the  name  of  the  person  for 
whom  it  is  intended,  when  leaving  cards  at  a 
large  hotel,  in  order  to  prevent  the  possibiUty  of 
a  mistake. 

To  call  on  a  lady's  regular  reception-day ;  that 
is  to  say,  where  she  has  a  fixed  day  throughout 
the  season  for  receiving  visitors. 

For  a  married  lady  to  leave  two  of  her  hus- 
band's cards,  when  a  gentleman  is  a  member  of 
the  household  where  she  is  calling. 


T3?0en  (Wafting;  Caffs  43 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 


To  hand  one's  card  to  the  hostess. 

To  call  upon  a  guest  without  calling  upon  the 
lady  of  the  house  a)so,  or  at  least  leaving  a  card 
foi  her. 

To  write  on  a  card  the  name  of  the  person  for 
whom  it  is  intended,  when  calling  at  a  private 
residence. 

To  leave  cards  at  the  door  on  a  lady's  regular 
weekly  receptior-day,  without  going  in  or  asking 
to  see  her. 

For  a  person  not  especially  invited  to  call  on 
any  one  of  a  series  of  reception-days  for  which 
a  lady  has  sent  out  special  cards. 


44  Comet  t^irxQ 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  leave  cards,  without  turning  down  either 
corners  or  ends. 

To  leave  or  send  cards  on  the  day  of  a  recep- 
tion to  which  one  has  been  invited,  but  is  unable 
to  go  on  account  of  mourning,  illness  in  the 
family,  etc. 

To  call  within  a  week,  and  in  person,  after 
a  dinner  to  which  one  has  been  invited. 

To  call  within  a  week  after  any  entertainment 
to  which  one  has  been  invited.  ' 

To  show  lenience  toward  young  mothers  with 
large  families  of  little  children,  literary  women, 
artists,  and  other  professional  women,  as  well 
as  toward  business  men,  if  they  fail  to  call  as 
promptly  or  as  frequently  as  strict  etiquette 
would  demand. 

'  Some  ladies  living  in  New  York  now  drive  to  the 
door  and  leave  cards,  without  asking  whether  the  hostess 
is  at  home,  except  after  an  invitation  to  dinner  or  luncheon^ 
or  other  "  sit  down  "  affair,  which  calls  for  a  persona? 
visit. 


'tSi^in  3n.a8mg  Caffs 


45 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  leave  cards  bent  up  at  one  end,  or  turned 
down  at  the  corners.  It  is  no  longer  the  fashion 
to  do  so. 


To  send  cards  by  mail  after  an  invitation  to 
dinner,  or  to  omit  to  call  promptly  and  in 
person. 

To  omit  calling  or  sending  cards  within  a 
month  after  an  entertainment  to  which  one  has 
been  invited. 

In  the  opinion  of  many  persons,  to  omit  to 
call  in  person  after  any  entertainment  save  an 
afternoon  tea. 

For  a  young  lady  without  special  occupation, 
or  for  other  persons  of  leisure,  to  neglect  making 
the  calls  which  custom  prescribes. 

To  make  a  practice  of  attending  entertain- 
ments, and  omitting  to  call  afterward. 


46  Comet  €^inQ 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

For  a  lady,  if  admitted  to  make  a  call,  to  leave 
her  card  on  the  hall-table,  and  send  her  name  up 
by  the  servant. 

Where  one  resides  in  a  large  city,  to  pay 
formal  visits  at  least  once  a  year,  and  in  person 
if  possible,  upon  all  one's  circle  of  visiting  ac- 
quaintance, and  to  make  additional  calls  where 
invitations  are  received. 

To  give  one  or  more  receptions  where  one  is 
unable  to  pay  general  calls. 

To  enclose  cards  when  inviting  a  new  acquaint- 
ance upon  whom  one  has  never  called,  although 
it  is  better,  — 

To  call  before  sending  out  such  an  invitation. 

To  call,  after  an  engagement  has  been  an- 
nounced, or  a  marriage  has  taken  place,  in  the 
family  of  an  acquaintance. 

For  persons  who  are  not  intimate  friends,  to 
make  inquiries  at  the  door  without  asking  for 
admission,  and  to  leave  cards  for  those  who  are 
in  a£Biction, 


Wpen  (Staging  Caffs  47 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  take  offence  where  an  acquaintance  has 
omitted  to  call,  but  has  sent  an  invitation,  since 
it  is  a  much  greater  compliment  to  invite  a 
person  to  one's  house,  than  it  would  be  merely 
to  make  a  call  upon  her. 

To  pay  formal  calls  in  the  morning. 

To  wear  a  bicycle  skirt,  when  paying  formal 
calls. 


To  call  upon  any  one  at  an  hour  when  he  or 
she  is  usually  engaged  in  household  duties  or  in 
business  or  other  vocations. 

To  omit  to  call  or  send  cards,  after  one  has 
been  invited  to  a  wedding,  or  has  received  the 
announcement  of  one. 

For  ordinary  acquaintances  to  ask  to  see 
people  who  are  in  affliction,  instead  of  simply 
leaving  their  cards  and  making  "  kind  inquiries  " 
at  the  door. 


48  Zl^t  Cotxtct  Z^im 

It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  use  a  card  with  a  black  border  when  one 
is  in  mourning. 

To  answer  cards  of  condolence  by  enclosing 
mourning-cards  in  an  envelope,  and  sending 
them  to  people  who  have  called,  after  a  proper 
lapse  of  time. 

To  call  upon  an  acquaintance  who  has  recently 
returned  from  a  prolonged  absence  in  Europe  or 
elsewhere. 

For  the  person  who  has  been  absent  to  make 
the  first  call,  if  she  prefer  to  do  so. 

To  go  in  to  the  lunch-table  if  the  friend  upon 
whom  you  are  calling  give  you  a  cordial  invita- 
tion to  do  so,  or  else  to  take  your  leave  at  once, 
in  order  that  you  may  not  play  the  part  of  dog 
in  the  manger. 

After  a  removal  from  one  part  of  a  city  to 
another,  to  send  out  cards  with  one's  new 
address  upon  them.  This  is  now  the  castom  in 
New  York,  but  would  of  course  be  uu»^««*sary 
in  a  small  city. 


Or^en  (Slaving  Caffg  49 

It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  make  formal  calls  when  one  is  in  deep 
mourning. 

To  call  early  in  the  morning,  late  in  the  even- 
ing, or  at  any  other  unusual  hour. 


io  call  at  the  lunch  or  dinner  hour,  unless 
specially  invited  to  do  so. 

When  making  a  formal  call,  to  say  that  you 
will  wait  until  the  person  upon  whom  you  are 
calling  has  finished  dinner  or  lunch. 

For  people  who  live  at  a  distance  from  a  city 
or  town  to  expect  the  dwellers  therein  to  come 
out  to  the  country  regularly  for  the  purpose  of 
making  calls. 


50  t^c  Comet 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  ascertain  what  are  the  prescribed  hours 
for  calling  in  the  place  where  one  is  living,  or 
making  a  visit,  and  to  adhere  to  those  hours. 
These  are  usually  between  three  and  six  o'clock 
in  large  cities.  Gentlemen  call  after  five  o'clock 
on  their  way  home  from  business,  in  the  evening, 
or  on  Sunday  afternoon. 

To  leave,  or  send  by  mail,  cards  with  P.  p.  c, 
on  them  {Pour  prendre  co7ige,  "to  take  one's 
leave")  when  one  is  about  to  leave  a  place 
either  permanently  or  for  quite  a  length  of  time. 

To  send  cards  by  mail  C  or  by  a  messenger), 
to  arrive  on  the  day  of  the  entertainment,  where 
one  is  unable  to  attend  an  afternoon  tea,  recep- 
tion, or  wedding,  to  which  one  has  received  an 
invitation. 

To  send  cards  by  mail,  in  lieu  of  making 
a  personal  visit,  to  acquaintances  who  live  in  a 
neighbouring  town  or  suburb  which  is  situated 
at  such  a  distance  as  to  render  it  inconvenient  to 
make  calls  there. 


nr^en  (Btagtn^  €affe  51 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 


To  write  "P.  P.  CV  instead  of  "P.  p.  c," 
since  capitalization  is  now  used  much  less  than 
formerly. 

To  take  no  notice  of  cards  for  receptions, 
afternoon  teas,  etc.  A  person  who  fails  to  make 
his  appearance  at  one  of  these  occasions,  to 
which  he  has  been  invited,  and  who  also  fails 
to  call  or  send  cards  afterward,  will  naturally  be 
considered  as  rude  or  culpably  careless. 

To  go  to  every  one  of  a  series  of  receptions 
for  which  one*  has  received  cards.  This  is  not 
allowable,  except  for  intimate  friends. 


52  Z^c  Cotmf  t^irxQ 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

For  the  older  residents  in  a  city  or  street  to 
call  first  upon  the  new-comers  to  their  neigh- 
borhood. 

To  return  a  first  call  within  a  week,  and  in 
person. 

To  call  promptly  and  in  person  after  a  first 
invitation. 

To  make  the  first  call  upon  people  in  a  higher 
social  position  if  one  is  asked  to  do  so,  or  if  they 
are  new-comers. 

For  the  caller  who  arrived  first  to  leave  first. 

For  a  gentleman  to  ask  for  the  lady  of  the 
house  as  well  as  for  the  young  ladies,  and  to 
leave  cards  for  her  as  well  as  for  the  gentlemen 
of  the  family. 

To  leave  one's  card  on  the  hall-table,  or  to 
place  it  on  a  salver  in  the  hands  of  the  servant, 
when  one  attends  an  afternoon  tea  or  reception. 
Cards  thus  left  are  intended  to  remind  the 
hostess  of  the  names  of  the  visitors  who  have 
attended  her  reception. 


W^en  ®taSmg  Caffs  53 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

For  one  resident  of  a  city  or  town  to  call  upon 
another  (not  a  new-comer)  unless  she  has  reason 
to  suppose  that  her  visit  will  be  agreeable,  or 
unless  her  social  position  is  such  that  she  con- 
fers a  favor  by  the  call. 

To  return  a  first  call  by  sending  cards,  or  to 
return  it  tardily.  In  either  case  the  lady  who 
has  made  the  first  visit  will  feel  that  her  friendly 
overtures  have  not  been  met  in  the  proper  spirit, 
and  will  infer  that  her  acquaintance  is  not  desired. 

Under  ordinary  circumstances,  to  call  first 
upon  people  in  a  higher  social  position  than 
one's  own. 

For  a  gentleman  to  ask  for  the  young  ladies 
only,  when  making  a  formal  call. 


For  two  gentlemen  to  endeavor  to  "sit  each 
t>ther  out." 


54  Conut  $5incj 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

For  the  mother  or  chaperone  to  invite  a  gentlq 
man  to  call. 

For  a  gentleman  to  call  upon  a  lady  if  shi, 
have  invited  him  to  do  so,  if  he  bring  a  letter  oC 
introduction,  or  if  an  intimate  friend  of  the  bouse 
introduce  him. 

To  make  informal  or  friendly  calls  in  th«? 
morning. 

For  a  gentleman  to  leave  his  umbrella,  over^ 
coat,  and  rubbers  in  the  hall,  but  to  bring  his 
hat  and  cane  into  the  drawing-room  when  making 
a  morning  call,  and  to  keep  them  in  his  hand,  or 
lay  them  on  the  floor  beside  him.  Such  was  the 
old  rule ;  but  the  hat  and  cane  are  now  usually 
left  in  the  hall. 

For  a  lady  to  rise  from  her  seat  when  visitors 
enter,  and  cross  the  room  if  she  wish  to  do  so. 
The  latter  is  not  imperative,  however. 

For  a  visitor  who  has  already  made  a  call  of 
sufficient  length,  to  take  his  leave  soon  after  the 
arrival  of  a  second  visitor. 


n»5en  (Staging  Caffs  55 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

For  a  very  young  lady  to  invite  a  gentleman  to 
call  upon  her. 

For  a  gentleman  to  call  upon  a  lady  unless  he 
has  first  received  permission  to  do  so. 

To  forget  to  wipe  one's  feet  thoroughly  on  the 
door-mat. 

For  a  gentleman  to  wear  his  overshoes  in  the 
drawing-room. 

For  a  gentleman  to  deposit  his  hat  or  cane  on  > 
a  chair  or  table  in  the  drawing-room. 

For  a  lady  to  pay  great  attention  to  some  of 
her  guests,  and  to  neglect  others. 

For  a  gentleman,  when  making  a  call,  to  enter 
the  drawing-room  without  removing  his  gloves, 
or  at  least  the  right  one. 

For  a  hostess  to  accompany  a  gentleman  to 
the  door,  or  bring  him  his  hat  or  cane. 


56  Z^c  Correct  t^iriQ 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

For  a  hostess  to  accompany  a  lady  to  the  door 
if  she  wish  to  do  so,  although  this  custom  is  fall- 
ing into  desuetude.  In  a  house  where  several 
servants  are  kept,  for  the  lady  of  the  house  to 
ring  the  bell,  on  the  departure  of  a  visitor,  in 
order  that  one  of  the  servants  shall  open  the 
door  for  him.  This  should  always  be  done 
where  a  man-servant  is  employed. 

To  remain  about  ten  or  fifteen  minutes  wher 
making  a  formal  call. 


W5^n  (gtaStng  Caffs  57 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

For  a  hostess  to  go  to  the  door  with  one 
visitor,  to  the  neglect  of  those  ^vho  remain. 

For  a  servant  to  leave  a  guest  waiting  in  the 
drawing-room,  without  returning  to  say  that  her 
mistress  will  receive  the  caller. 

For  a  servant  to  permit  a  gentleman  to  enter 
the  drawing-room,  where  members  of  the  family 
are  sitting,  without  announcing  him. 

For  a  visitor  to  take  his  departure  at  the  very 
moment  when  another  is  announced. 

To  make  a  formal  call  of  more  than  twenty 
minutes  or  half  an  hour's  length. 


58  Comet  t^in^ 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  remember  that  brevity  is  the  soul  of  wit. 
To  remember  the  ancient  mariner,  and  avoid 
his  ways. 

To  talk  in  such  a  way  as  to  amuse  or  enter- 
tain one's  interlocutor,  or  better  still,  so  that  both 
parties  may  be  amused  or  instructed,  as  the  case 
may  be. 

To  avoid  repetition  in  the  matter  of  story- 
telling, personal  reminiscences,  and  the  like, 
repeating,  like  the  newspapers,  only  once  in  ten 
years. 

To  make  the  topic  suit  the  time  and  place, 
avoiding  sermons  in  ballrooms,  and  political  or 
religious  discussions  in  mixed  assemblies. 

To  sustain  one's  fair  share  of  the  burden  of 
conversation,  and  to  start  new  topics  when  the 
old  ones  become  worn,  or  grow  personal. 

To  remember  that  every  other  parent  con- 
siders that  his  children  are  prodigies  also,  and 
therefore  will  resent  the  claims  to  extraordinary 
genius  made  in  behalf  of  your  infant  phenomenon. 


3n  Conijersatton  59 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  try  to  shine  too  brilliantly. 

To  talk  too  much. 

To  be  curt,  brusque,  or  abrupt. 

To  talk  in  order  to  show  how  good,  clever, 
superior,  or  fashionable  one  is,  or  how  much  one 
knows. 

To  talk  constantly  about  money  or  other 
material  things. 

To  boast  of  one's  rich  friends,  or  worse  still, 
of  one's  own  wealth. 

To  talk  constantly  about  economizing  or  mak- 
ing bargains,  or  to  speak  of  one's  own  poverty, 
particularly  where  it  does  not  exist. 

To  allow  one's  attention  to  wander  while 
another  person  is  speaking ;  one  thus  appears  un- 
civil, and  wounds  the  vanity  or  the  feelings  of 
one's  interlocutor. 

To  repeat  to  Jones  what  Smith  has  said  about 
him,  unless  it  be  something  very  complimentary. 
Much  mischief  results  from  the  breaking  of  this 
rule. 


6o  Correct  Z^im 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  remember  that  the  agreeable  man  is  he 
who  can  and  will  listen  attentively,  intelligently, 
and  sympathetically. 

To  remember  that  it  is  better  to  be  agreeable 
than  to  talk  about  one's  own  affairs. 

To  think  before  you  speak. 

To  wait  until  another  person  has  finished  what 
he  has  to  say,  and  then  to  say  politely  that  you 
differ  from  him,  or  that  you  have  heard  the  story 
told  otherwise,  where  justice  to  the  absent  de- 
mands this  course. 

To  "  sink  the  shop ;  "  that  is,  to  avoid  talking 
about  one's  business  or  profession. 

To  talk  about  one's  profession  or  calling  with 
a  person  who  has  expressed  a  wish  —  sincere  to 
all  appearance  —  to  hear  about  it. 

To  remember  that  great  men  are  sometimes 
modest,  and  may  prefer  to  be  worshipped  in 
their  absence  rather  than  in  their  presence. 

To  avoid  joking  in  general  society  or  with 
persons  of  a  literal  turn  of  mind. 


3n  Con)?ersafton 


6i 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  talk  constantly  about  one's  self  and  one's 
own  doings,  about  one's  children,  family,  servants, 
or  friends,  or  to  rehearse  domestic  troubles  or 
quarrels. 

To  express  doubts  as  to  the  truth  of  a  harm- 
less story  in  the  presence  of  the  narrator. 

To  interrupt,  to  say  to  a  person  "  You  have 
told  me  that  before,"  or  to  set  him  right  when 
he  is  telling  a  story. 

To  wound  the  feelings  of  others  by  thoughtless 
remarks  or  allusions,  or  worse  yet,  by  intentionally 
unkind  speeches. 

To  annoy  poets  and  other  great  men  with  fool- 
ish questions  about  their  inspiration  or  works, 
or  with  exaggerated  expressions  of  admiration. 

To  pay  fulsome  compliments  or  to  indulge  in 
gross  flattery,  thus  indicating  that  you  have  a 
poor  opinion  of  the  intelligence  and  penetration 
of  the  person  whom  you  are  addressing. 

To  repeat  old  jokes,  or  to  tell  "  ancient  and 
fish-like"  tales. 


62  Comet  $9ing 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  avoid  riding  a  favorite  hobby  to  death. 

To  remember  that  frequent  puns  break  up  tha 
thread  of  conversation,  and  that  the  habitual 
punster  is  apt  to  become  tedious. 

To  endeavor  to  "draw  out"  timid,  shy,  and 
silent  people,  and  to  induce  them  to  talk  on  sub- 
jects that  interest  them. 

To  remember  that  conversation  should  never 
turn  into  monologue. 

To  preserve  a  certain  moderation  in  the  very 
whirlwind  of  one's  talk,  watching  carefully  for 
signs  of  fatigue  or  sleep  in  one's  listeners,  and 
never  allowing  that  unruly  little  member,  the 
tongue,  to  run  away  with  its  owner. 

To  remember  that  the  person  who  habitually 
says  witty,  but  sharp  things,  is  sure  to  be  un- 
popular. 

To  be  generous,  and  to  praise  and  admire 
when  one  can  conscientiously  do  so. 

To  remember  that  a  fool  may  pass  for  ^  wise 
man  if  he  know  enough  to  hold  his  peace. 


3n  Conbcrefltwn 


63 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  make  personal  remarks  or  jokes,  —  as 
about  a  man's  appearance,  age,  etc. 

In  general  conversation  to  talk  long  about 
matters  with  which  some  of  the  company  are 
wholly  unacquainted,  or  in  which  they  take  no 
interest. 

To  try  to  "  pump  "  people,  or  to  ask  questions 
about  their  personal  or  private  affairs. 

To  ask  a  person's  age,  especially  if  that  per- 
son be  a  woman. 

To  discuss  the  age  of  friends  or  acquaintances, 
thus  breaking  the  old  rule  which  forbids  talking 
of  money,  age,  or  marriage. 

To  answer  only  in  monosyllables. 

To  assume  a  nil  admirari  or  lofty  critical  tone. 

To  talk  gossip,  or  to  indulge  in  slander  or 
personalities. 

To  criticize  or  find  fault  with  objects  which  are 
displayed  for  one's  admiration. 

To  "cram"  for  any  occasion,  or  to  drag  in  a 
subject  "  by  the  head  and  ears." 


64  t^c  Comet  ^^mg 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  remember  that  conversation  is  a  fine  art, 
from  which  base  matter  must  necessarily  be 
excluded. 

To  remember  Emerson's  saying  that  "  No  one 
can  be  a  master  in  conversation  who  has  not 
learned  much  from  women;  their  presence  and 
inspiration  are  essential  to  its  success." 

To  remember  that  out  of  a  man's  own  mouth 
he  is  judged,  voice,  language,  and  accent  being 
far  better  criterions  of  a  person's  gentility  than 
handsome  or  shabby  garments. 

To  remember  that  proper  cultivation  and  use 
of  the  voice  not  only  add  to  its  beauty,  but  pre- 
vent it  from  becoming  prematurely  thin,  worn, 
and  cracked. 

To  speak  in  chest-tones. 

To  lower  the  voice  and  speak  slowly  when  one 
wishes  to  enforce  one's  authority. 

To  speak  distinctly,  but  softly  and  slowly. 

To  avoid  coarseness  and  rudeness  of  speech 
and  language,  and  harsh  laughter. 


3n  ^peu^  65 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  show  off  one's  little  learning  and  small 
accomplishments  before  those  who  are  truly 
learned  (thus  displaying  vanity  and  showing 
one's  own  limitations),  or  before  those  whose 
education  is  defective,  thus  cruelly  reminding 
them  of  what  they  lack. 

To  speak  in  harsh  nasal  tones,  after  the  man- 
ner of  many  New  Englanders,  and  some  other 
Americans. 

To  scold  in  a  high  key  or  to  scream  to  per- 
sons at  a  distance,  thereby  injuring  the  voice,  as 
well  as  disturbing  the  public  peace. 

To  blur  one's  words  so  that  the  sound  is  as 
of  a  person  who  speaks  with  his  mouth  full  of 
pudding. 

To  speak  from  the  head  and  throat. 

To  speak  in  a  loud  voice,  or  in  a  slovenly  or 
indistinct  manner. 

To  speak  fast  or  to  drawl. 

To  affect  "pretty"  or  "singular"  pronuncia- 
tions. 


66  €9c  Correct  ^^tng 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  avoid  the  over-delicacy  of  language  and 
affectation  of  precision  which  belong  to  persons 
of  narrow  culture. 

To  say  "  A  man  fell  and  broke  his  leg,"  when 
he  did  so ;  "  It  is  time  to  go  to  bed ;  "  "  I  live  in 
Rochester." 

To  pronounce  correctly,  studying  not  only  the 
dictionary,  but  the  language  of  living  speakers 
who  are  entitled  to  speak  with  authority. 

To  use  the  words  "  man  "  and  "  woman "  in 
many  instances  where  formerly  one  would  have 
said  "  lady "  or  "  gentleman,"  the  latter  words 
having  largely  lost  their  significance  from  ex' 
cessive  use  —  or  abuse.  The  phrase  "  Mrs. 
Ames  is  a  charming  woman  "  would  now  be  pre- 
ferred to  "  Mrs.  Ames  is  a  charming  lady." 

To  train  children  carefully  to  read  aloud,  both 
for  the  sake  of  the  voice  and  of  the  pronunciation. 

To  say  "  waistcoat  "  and  "  trousers,"  and  (in 
speaking  of  the  nether  garments  of  little  boys) 
'*  knickerbockers." 


3n  ^puc^  67 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  be  affected  in  one's  manner  of  speech,  or 
to  copy  the  pronunciation  of  other  persons  or 
nations. 

To  say  "  He  fell  and  sustained  a  fracture  of  his 
limb;"  "retire"  for  "go  to  bed;"'  "Where  do 
you  reside  ?  "  for  "  Where  do  you  live  ?  "  These 
expressions,  while  not  incorrect,  are  nevertheless 
seldom  used  by  those  who  speak  the  best  English. 

To  affect  a  foreign  accent. 

To  speak  incessantly  of  a  person's  "  home " 
when  you  mean  his  "  house." 

To  hire  an  English  butler,  and  copy  his  drawl, 
imagining  that  you  will  thus  learn  to  speak  like 
a  cultivated  Englishman. 

To  use  the  "  newspaper  English  "  of  mediocre 
newspaper  writers,  saying  "  transpire  "  for  "  hap- 
pen," "  donate  "  for  "  give,"  "  residential,"  etc. 

To  say  "  lady  friend  "  or  "  gentleman  friend." 

To  say  "  pants  "  or  "  vest." 

To  say  "  garment "  for  "  coat,"  "  cloak,"  man- 
lie,"  or  other  outside  garment. 


68  Z^c  Coxtui  t^irxQ 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  remember  that  slang  is  unmeaning  as  well  as 
inelegant,  and  that  words  like  "jolly,"  "beastly," 
etc.,  used  in  season  and  out  of  season,  soon  lose 
all  their  meaning. 

For  the  ordinary  purposes  of  every-day  life,  to 
use  words  of  Saxon  rather  than  of  Latin  origin 
whenever  it  is  possible  to  do  so,  thus  gaining 
terseness  and  vigor  rather  than  a  large  number 
of  syllables  with  diminished  force. 

To  pronounce  "  gentleman "  as  it  is  written, 
and  with  distinctness. 

To  say  "  Grinnidge,"  "  Norridge,"  "  Bruns'ick," 
if  one  would  follow  the  English  pronunciation; 
also  to  pronounce  Gower  Gore,  Salisbury  Sa/z- 
bury,  Cockburn  Coburn,  Brougham  Broum^ 
Geoghegan  Gaygan,  Cholmondely  Chumley,  Mar- 
joribanks  Marchbanks,  Cavendish  Candish. 

To  pronounce  the  o  in  "  stone "  like  that  in 
"go." 

To  speak  of  " tQlQgraphing"  or  of  " sending  a 
tQlQgramJ^ 


3n  ^puc^  69 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  use  slang,  especially  where  one  does  not 
know  its  derivation,  many  slang  words  having  a 
secondary  meaning  and  low  origin. 

To  say  "  female  "  for  "  woman  "  or  "  lady." 

To  say  "folks"  for  "family"  or  "people." 
Thus  one  should  not  say,  "  How  are  all  your 
folks  .? " 

To  use  the  abbreviation  "  gents "  under  any 
circumstances. 

To  say  "  genelman,"  "  gempman,"  or  "  gehemp- 
man." 

To  say  Green- wich,  Nor-wich,  Brunsz£/ick. 

To  pronounce  "  government "  as  if  it  were 
'*  goverment." 

To  coin  new  and  superfluous  words,  such  as 
"walkist,"  "disconcertion,"  and  other  abomina- 
tions. 

To  say  "  spoon  "  and  "  stone "  with  a  short 
i^owel  sound,  "  av'noo  "  for  "  avenue,"  "  chick'n," 
"  N'Yawk,"  etc. 

To  say  "  not-pepper  "  for  "  note-paper." 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  pronounce  the  letter  r  in  words  where  it 
occurs,  as  in  "  arm,"  "  girl,"  "  rubber." 

To  be  careful  to  give  vowel-sounds  correctly. 

To  give  each  syllable  its  proper  value  or  length, 
in  pronouncing  it,  so  that  all  have  their  fair  share 
of  accent,  and  no  one  has  too  much. 

To  remember  that  many  so-called  American- 
isms are  in  reality  old  English  forms  of  speech, 
and  that  we  have  altered  the  grand  old  English 
tongue  of  Shakespeare  and  the  Bible  less  than 
our  brothers  across  the  water  have  done. 

To  quote  very  sparingly  from  foreign  languages, 
especially  those  with  the  pronunciation  of  which 
one  is  not  familiar. 

To  say  "  memorand?/;;^ "  in  the  singular,  and 
"  memorandiz  "  in  the  plural. 

To  pronounce  "  polonaise  "  as  if  it  ended  in 
aze. 

To  pronounce  in  English  fashion  the  names  of 
foreign  places  or  persons  which  have  become 
Anglicized ;  as  Paris,  Vienna,  Napoleon. 


3n  ^ptu^  71 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  roll  the  r  too  much,  or  to  add  it  at  the  end 
of  words  where  it  does  not  belong. 

To  pronounce  ue  like  00,  or  00  like  ue. 

To  flatten  the  a  and  say  "  bayth  "  for  "  bath," 
as  is  sometimes  done  in  the  Middle  States  and 
elsewhere,  or  to  say  "  dawg  "  for  "  dog." 

To  say  "  coat  "  and  "  boat"  with  a  short  sound, 
as  some  New  Englanders  do. 

To  say  "jally"  for  "jelly."  • 

To  say  "  paw  and  maw,"  or  "  payr  and  mayr," 
for  "  papa  and  mamma." 

To  clip  off  final  letters  or  syllables,  or  those 
that  occur  in  the  middle  of  a  word,  thus  making 
a  trisyllable  into  a  dissyllable,  as  "  gen'ally  "  for 
**  generally." 

To  say  "kep'"  for  "kept,"  "clo'es"  for 
"clothes,"  "mon's"  for  "months,"  or  "fam'ly" 
for  "  family." 

To  follow  the  inspiration  of  your  own  genius 
in  forming  the  plural  or  singular  of  Greek  or  Latin 
words. 


72  Comet  t^irxQ 

It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  say  "  It  is  /,"  and  "  He  went  with  Harry 
and  me,'^ 

To  remember  that  the  expressions  "  Yes,  sir," 
and  "  Yes,  madam,"  are  much  less  used  than 
formerly. 

To  teach  children  to  say,  "Yes,  mother  (or 
father),"  and  "  No,  mother ;  "  and  to  say  "  Yes, 
sir  (or  madam),"  to  old  people  or  to  those  who 
adhere  to  the  old  ways  of  speech. 

For  an  inferior  to  say  "  sir  "  or  "  madam  "  in 
speaking  to  a  superior. 

To  say  "  sir  "  or  "  madam  "  if  one  have  occa- 
sion  to  address  a  stranger,  using  the  word 
"  madam  "  for  a  single  as  well  as  for  a  married 
lady. 


3n  ^peec^  73 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  say  "  It  is  me^-^  or  "  He  went  with  Harry 
and  /." 

To  drop  the  as  in  "w'en"  for  "when," 
"w'ite"  for  "white,"  "  w'ere  "  for  "where." 

To  drop  the  g  final,  as  in  "  goin',"  "  doin','' 
"  sayin',"  "  dinin'-room,'"  etc. 

To  say  "  ya'as,"  "  yeah,"  or  "  ye-up "  for 
^yes." 

To  use  "  don't  "  as  an  abbreviation  of  "  does 
not" 

To  say  "  ain't "  or  "  hain't." 

To  say  "  you  was  "  for  "  you  were." 

To  address  a  young  lady  as  "  miss,"  or  to  say, 
"  Yes,  miss,"  "  No,  miss." 

To  say  "  mum,"  " 'm,"  or  "  ma'am,"  unless 
when  speaking  to  old  or  very  conservative  per- 
sons, to  employers,  or  superiors. 

To  use  the  word  "  elegant "  as  a  general  and 
indiscriminate  term  of  praise,  as  "  I  had  an  ele- 
gant time  ;  "  "  That  is  perfectly  elegant." 


74  Correct  Z^in^ 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  be  as  polite  at  home  as  one  is  abroad. 

To  have  one's  house  always  in  good  order, 
whether  any  guests  are  expected  or  not. 

To  have  a  place  at  one's  table,  a  room  in  one's 
house,  and  a  welcome  in  one's  heart  for  any 
friend  who  may  unexpectedly  arrive. 

To  remember  that  punctuality  is  the  hinge  of 
business,  and  to  insist  that  the  whole  household 
shall  be  "  on  time.*' 

To  knock  on  the  door  before  entering  any  one's 
private  apartment. 

For  the  lady  of  the  house  to  remember  the 
saint  who  built  her  husband  a  smoking-room,  and 
do  likewise. 

To  make  home  attractive,  and  to  remember 
that  over-severity  makes  young  people  deceitful, 
and  drives  them  to  seek  amusements  elsewhere, 
and  in  secret. 

To  be  attentive  as  well  as  respectful  and  polite 
to  old  people,  remembering  how  few  are  their 
pleasures  and  opportunities  for  enjoyment^ 


3n  f^e  Sftmtfg  Ctrcfe 


75 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  be  afraid  to  use  one's  good  manners  every 
day,  lest  they  should  wear  out. 

To  have  the  parlor  alone  in  order,  and  the  rest 
of  the  house  in  confusion. 

To  calculate  the  provisions  for  a  meal  so  closely 
that  the  arrival  of  a  guest  will  produce  despair 
and  confusion. 

To  make  one's  family  circle  into  a  close  cor- 
poration, debarring  all  outsiders  therefrom,  save 
on  grand  and  ceremonious  occasions. 

For  the  gentlemen  of  the  house  to  smoke  in 
all  parts  of  it,  or  to  leave  cigar-stumps,  ashes, 
and  burned  matches  on  the  tables  and  floors  as 
pleasing  mementos  of  their  presence. 

To  make  unnecessary  noise  when  one  comes 
home  late  at  night,  thus  disturbing  the  rest  of 
the  household. 

To  sit  between  another  person  and  the  fire  or 
light,  or  to  sit  still  and  allow  one's  parent  to 
bring  a  chair  without  offering  to  assist  him. 


76  t^c  Correct  t^irxQ 

It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  arise  and  offer  one's  own  chair,  or  procure 
another  and  place  it  in  a  good  position  for  an 
older  person  who  enters  the  room. 

For  parents  to  maintain  their  own  dignity  and 
proper  position,  treating  their  children  with 
generosity,  but  not  imitating  the  folly  of  King 
Lear. 

For  a  young  man  to  remember  that  his  mother's 
house  is  not  a  boarding-house,  and  that  whethet 
he  pay  for  his  own  board  or  not,  his  behavio/ 
in  his  parents'  house  must  always  be  that  of  3 
respectful  and  considerate  son. 

For  young  people  to  allow  their  parents,  elderSi 
or  guests  to  precede  them  in  entering  or  leaving 
a  room,  or  in  going  up-stairs. 

To  accustom  ourselves  early  to  the  small  acts 
of  courtesy  of  daily  life,  which  thus  become 
in  a  measure  automatic,  to  be  performed  easily, 
and  almost  unconsciously. 

For  a  son  or  daughter  to  rise  when  the  mother 
of  the  family  enters  the  room. 


3n  fpe  Samift  CitcU  77 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

For  children  or  young  people  to  monopolize 
the  most  desirable  positions  and  most  comforta- 
ble chairs. 

For  a  young  man  to  allow  his  father  to  carry 
heavy  bundles  or  packages  because  he  himself  is 
too  lazy  or  too  "  snobbish  "  to  assist  his  parent. 

For  young  people  to  be  selfish,  expecting  all 
the  arrangements  of  the  house  to  be  made  for 
their  pleasure  and  convenience,  and  all  the  ex- 
penses to  be  incurred  for  their  benefit. 

For  a  young  man  to  refuse  to  help  his  parents 
after  he  begins  to  earn  his  own  living,  or  for  him 
to  "  give  himself  airs,"  order  the  servants  about, 
or  make  unnecessary  trouble  in  his  father's  house 
because  he  happens  to  pay  his  own  way. 

To  be  profane,  or  to  use  doubtful  slang. 

For  a  young  man  to  remain  seated  when  his 
mother  enters  the  room. 


78  t^c  Cottccf  t^im 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  wait  at  the  head  or  foot  of  the  stairway,  as 
the  case  may  demand,  when  an  older  person  is 
about  to  ascend  or  descend  it. 

Concerning  Servants 

To  be  dignified  but  always  courteous  in  one's 
demeanor  toward  servants. 

To  treat  them  as  if  they  were  "  human  beings," 
caring  properly  for  them  when  ill,  and  taking  a 
kindly  and  sufficient  interest  in  their  affairs  and 
their  troubles. 

To  systematize  the  work  of  one's  household  so 
far  as  possible,  and  to  tell  a  servant  when  one 
first  engages  her  just  what  duties  will  be  expected 
of  her,  stipulating  that  she  shall  be  willing  to  do 
other  work  if  necessary. 

To  take  hold  of  work  yourself  occasionally, 
when  the  gods  of  the  lower  regions  are  tired  or 
demoralized,  thus  helping  to  tide  over  an  emer- 
gency, and  showing  that  you  respect  the  dignity 
of  labor. 


3n  t^e  Samtfi?  Citde  79 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

For  young  people  to  sit  down  to  table  without 
waiting  for  their  parents,  unless  they  have  re- 
ceived permission  to  do  so. 

Concerning  Servants 

To  be  familiar  with  servants,  or  to  joke  and 
laugh  with  them. 

To  treat  servants  as  if  they  were  "  door-mats 
under  one's  feet,"  or  to  pet  or  spoil  them. 

To  talk  gossip  with  servants  or  children,  or  to 
allow  them  to  tell  you  about  other  people's 
affairs. 

To  turn  a  servant  into  the  street  when  he  or 
she  falls  ill  in  your  service. 

To  bind  heavy  burdens  upon  their  backs,  and 
not  raise  one  finger  to  lift  them. 

To  blame  servants  constantly,  but  to  forget  to 
give  them  due  praise. 

To  allow  servants  to  be  -wasteful  or  careless, 
or  to  go  out  constantly  without  first  asking 
leave. 


So  t^e  Comcf  $^ing 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  be  the  head  of  the  house  in  fact  as  well  as 
in  name,  keeping  a  watchful  eye  on  the  affairs  of 
the  household. 

To  allow  fair  "  privileges,"  religious  and  other. 

To  be  sometimes  a  little  blind. 

To  provide  comfortable  sleeping-rooms  for 
them,  and  if  possible,  a  separate  bed  for  each 
one. 

For  those  whose  means  permit,  to  provide  a 
sitting-room,  and  in  summer,  a  porch  or  piazza 
for  their  use. 

To  find  fault  when  necessary,  but  to  keep  con- 
trol of  one's  temper. 

To  insist  that  servants  shall  keep  themselves 
neat  and  tidy,  especially  when  waiting  upon  tabl^ 
or  answering  the  door-bell. 

To  teach  servants  to  move  about  the  house  and 
wait  upon  the  table  as  noiselessly  as  possible. 

To  go  and  find  the  person  to  whom  one  wishes 
to  speak,  and  to  speak  to  him  in  the  room  where 
he  is. 


3n  t^e  SamifiP  CitcU  8i 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  allow  a  servant  to  dictate  to  her  mistress,  or 
refuse  to  obey  the  latter's  bidding,  saying  "  That 
isn't  my  place." 

To  watch  servants  with  a  suspicious  eye. 

To  imagine  that  "  angels  go  out  to  service." 

To  rebuke  or  praise  servants  or  children  in  the 
presence  of  other  persons. 

To  allovv'  servants  the  use  of  the  latch-key, 
unless  under  exceptional  circumstances. 

To  scold  servants,  or  to  whip  one  over  the 
shoulders  of  another." 

To  expect  that  a  cook  can  always  look  as 
neat  as  a  waitress. 

To  slam  doors,  or  to  laugh  and  scream,  and 
make  a  great  noise  in  the  kitchen. 

To  allow  servants  to  join  in  the  conversation 
or  make  any  remarks  while  waiting  on  the  table. 

To  allow  them  to  make  a  noise  or  clatter  with 
the  dishes  in  the  dining-room. 

To  allow  servants,  children,  or  any  one  else  to 
scream  or  call  up  and  down  stairs. 


82  t^t  Conut  t^xtiQ 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  have  the  servant  summon  the  different 
members  of  the  family  to  their  meals  by  knock- 
ing on  the  doors  of  their  rooms. 

To  have  a  foot-bell  under  the  dining-table,  in 
order  to  summon  a  servant  from  the  kitchen 
without  noise. 

To  avoid  giving  orders  to  a  servant  in  the 
presence  of  guests  or  other  persons,  except  when 
it  is  necessary. 

At  the  dinner-table  to  summon  the  servant  with 
a  look,  and  to  give  her  the  order  as  quietly  as 
possible. 

For  a  waitress  to  remain  in  the  dining-room, 
or  within  easy  call,  during  the  progress  of  a  meal, 
until  she  is  dismissed  from  attendance  on  tha 
table.  Her  proper  place  is  behind  the  chair  of 
ler  mistress. 

For  a  servant  to  say  "  Yes,  madam,"  or  "  No, 
sir,"  when  given  an  order,  or  asked  a  question. 

To  bid  servants  a  civil  good  morning  and  good 
night. 


3n  t^e  Samifg  Circfe  83 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  allow  servants  to  scrape  off  the  plates,  or 
to  remove  the  knives  and  forks  from  them,  when 
clearing  off  the  table  for  dessert. 

For  a  servant  to  build  up  a  small  Tower  of 
Babel  on  her  waiter,  when  clearing  off  the  table. 

For  a  servant  to  lean  over  the  table  to  get  at 
some  dish  on  the  opposite  side. 

To  entice  a  servant,  by  promise  of  extra  wages 
or  other  advantage,  away  from  a  service  where 
she  is  satisfied  and  willing  to  stay.  It  is  both 
unladylike  and  dishonorable  to  do  so. 

To  send  orders  to  one  servant  by  another, 
where  this  can  be  avoided. 

For  those  who  keep  only  one  or  two  maids 
to  emulate  the  style  of  living  of  families  who 
employ  a  large  number  of  servants. 

For  a  servant  to  say,  "  Yes,  Missis,"  or  "  Yes, 
Mister,"  or  All  right,"  when  asked  to  perform 
some  service. 


84  S^^e  Correct  Z^im 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

For  the  butler  to  stand  behind  the  chair  of  his 
mistress,  although  where  there  are  two  men,  the 
butler  sometimes  stands  behind  his  master's  chair, 
the  second  man  standing  behind  his  mistress. 

To  pay  wages  on  the  day  when  they  are  due, 
where  a  servant  is  hired  by  the  month  or  year. 

To  give  warning  the  customary  length  of  time 
in  advance,  before  dismissing  a  servant  from 
one's  employment. 

Where  their  church  is  accessible,  to  allow 
them  to  attend  it  every  Sunday. 

To  divide  the  work  of  the  house  as  fairly  as 
possible  between  the  different  servants. 

To  speak  of  the  cook,  waitress,  laundress, 
parlor  maid,  housemaid  (or  chambermaid  in  a 
hotel),  lady's  maid. 

To  speak  of  the  women  servants  collectively 
as  "the  maids,"  or  where  a  maid-of-all-work  only 
is  kept,  as  "the  maid." 

To  speak  of  the  butler,  footman  or  second  man, 
page,  coachman,  groom,  gardener,  etc. 


3n  f^e  Sftmifg  Citde- 


85 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 


To  dismiss  a  servant  without  due  warning, 
unless  for  some  very  grave  fault. 

To  dismiss  a  servant  before  the  end  of  the 
month,  without  paying  the  wages  due  when  the 
month  closes. 

To  delude  future  employers  by  giving  an  over- 
flattering  recommendation. 

To  refuse  to  give  a  reference  saying  what  can 
truly  and  fairly  be  said  of  a  servant's  worth. 

To  speak  of  "the  up-stairs  girl,"  or  of  the 
"  hired  girls." 

For  people  of  wealth  to  neglect  to  reprove 
their  English  servants  or  other  imported  domes- 
tics for  the  arrogant  and  even  insolent  demeanor 
often  assumed  tovv^ard  all  except  the  rich  and 
their  employees. 


86  ^pe  Correct  ^^ing* 

It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

For  employers  to  provide  the  maids*  caps, 
aprons,  collars,  and  cuffs.  They  sometimes  fur- 
nish the  black  gowns  also. 

For  the  butler  to  wear  full  evening  dress  — 
dress  coat,  white  tie,  etc.,  for  late  dinner  and  the 
evening.  Earlier  in  the  day  he  wears  dark  morn- 
ing costume. 

For  the  butler's  assistants  or  footmen  to  wear 
livery. 

For  waitress  and  parlor  maid  to  wear  when 
waiting  on  table,  black  gown,  deep  turned-over 
linen  collar  and  cuffs,  white  apron,  preferably 
with  bretelles,  and  dainty  little  white  cap,  with 
black  velvet  bow. 

For  the  waitress  or  footman  to  have  a  small 
silver  salver,  on  which  to  receive  the  cards  of 
visitors. 

To  have  a  pad  with  pencil  on  the  hall  table, 
for  visitors  who  desire  to  leave  a  message,  and 
for  the  waitress  to  ask  them  to  come  in  for  that 
purpose. 


3n  f§c  famtfp  Ctrcfe 


87 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 


For  a  butler  to  wear  livery. 

To  send  money  to  a  lady,  no  matter  how  re- 
duced her  circumstances  may  be,  by  the  hands 
of  a  servant,  unless  it  is  enclosed  in  a  sealed 
envelope,  addressed  to  the  recipient. 

To  pay  any  employee,  unless  for  strictly 
menial  work,  by  the  hands  of  a  servant. 

To  talk  about  family  affairs,  or  those  of  one's 
friends  or  neighbors,  in  the  presence  of  servants. 

For  the  lady  of  the  house  to  omit  to  inform 
the  waitress  or  butler,  whether  or  not  she  will 
see  visitors  on  that  particular  afternoon. 

For  a  waitress  to  admit  those  who  refuse  to 
tell  their  names  or  their  business,  since  this  is 
characteristic  of  the  ubiquitous  agent. 


88  t^e  Comet  t^im 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

On  the  afternoon  at  home,  or  at  a  reception, 
for  the  butler  or  footman  to  lead  the  way  to  the 
drawing-room,  and,  having  asked  the  visitor's 
name,  to  announce  it  to  his  mistress,  as  the  lady 
enters. 

To  have  a  waitress  or  footman  at  the  door, 
ready  to  open  it  on  the  appearance  of  visitors, 
at  a  reception,  or  an  afternoon  at  home. 

Where  there  is  no  separate  provision  made 
for  the  food  on  the  servants'  table,  to  allow  them 
some  share  of  the  dainties  used  in  the  dining 
room. 

Concerning  Children 

To  remember  that  children  are  the  light  and 
life  of  home,  and  the  hope  of  the  future. 

To  decide  in  the  first  instance  whether  the 
children  shall  obey  the  parents,  or  the  parents 
the  children,  and  to  adhere  to  the  decision  when 
once  made. 

To  break  a  rash  promise  rather  than  to  do  a 
cruel  thing. 


3n  f^e  Scwntfg  Chcft 


89 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

For  a  maid  servant  to  call  out  the  names  of 
visitors.  This  is  considered  to  be  a  masculine 
right  or  pri-dlege. 

For  the  waitress  to  leave  a  visitor  in  the  hall, 
while  she  ascertains  whether  he  will  be  received, 
instead  of  showing  him  into  the  reception  or 
drawing-room. 

For  a  mistress  to  allow  her  servants  to  be  dila- 
tory in  answering  the  door-bell.  At  some  houses, 
when  the  mistress  is  out,  servants  keep  callers 
waiting  a  long  time  on  the  doorsteps. 

Concerning  Children 

To  allow  children  to  answer  back,  or  to  be 
pert. 

For  parents  to  obey  their  children. 

To  allow  children  to  affect  a  d/asS,  "  slangy " 
tone,  drawling  out  "  What  are  you  giving  us  ? " 
Chestnuts  !  "  or  other  odious  slang  expressions. 


90  T^e  Correct  t^in^ 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

For  parents  to  consider  the  matter  carefully 
before  threatening  to  punish  or  promising  to 
reward,  but  in  either  case  to  keep  their  word 
when  it  is  once  given. 

For  parents  to  teach  children  to  tell  the  truth, 
j^f  doing  so  themselves. 

For  children  to  be  respectful  and  helpful  to 
their  parents,  even  in  America. 

For  parents  to  pay  some  attention  to  the  com- 
ings and  goings,  the  associations  and  occupations, 
of  their  children,  —  boys  as  well  as  girls,  —  re- 
membering that  many  a  child  has  been  ruined  by 
perpetual  running  in  the  streets. 

To  teach  children  to  hang  up  their  hats  and 
coats  when  they  come  into  the  house. 

To  remember  the  saying,  "  Whoso  shall  offend 
one  of  these  little  ones  which  believe  in  me,  it 
were  better  for  him  that  a  millstone  were  hanged 
about  his  neck." 

To  work  while  you  work,  and  play  while  yo>» 
play. 


3n  f^e  famif^  Ctrcfe  91 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  rebuke  or  praise  children  before  other 
people. 

To  talk  about  children  in  their  presence,  thus 
making  them  self-conscious,  if  not  conceited. 

To  punish  children  cruelly,  or  vrhen  one  is 
angr}'. 

To  allow  children  to  make  personal  remarks 
to  visitors,  or  finger  their  clothes. 

For  children  to  keep  on  ringing  the  door-bell 
till  the  ser\-ant  opens  the  door,  to  whistle  in  the 
house,  or  to  make  needless  dirt,  noise,  and 
confusion. 

To  allow  children  too  great  freedom  or  too 
much  pocket-money,  or  to  permit  them  to  go 
alone  to  restaurants,  theatres,  etc. 

To  allow  children  to  annoy  neighbors  by  pass- 
ing through  their  grounds  without  permission, 
teasing  their  servants,  breaking  their  windows,  or 
throwing  snowballs  at  them. 

To  allow  boys  to  keep  their  hats  on  in  the 
house. 


92  Conuf  t^irxQ 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  make  the  evening  a  time  for  pleasant  and 
wholesome  recreation  and  amusement,  remember- 
ing that  "  All  work  and  no  play  makes  Jack  a 
dull  boy." 

To  remember  that  children  get  a  large  part  of 
their  education  from  the  conversation  of  their 
parents,  and  therefore,  — 

To  avoid  gossip  and  idle  talk. 

To  remember  that  innocent  fun  hurts  nobody, 
and  helps  to  make  the  burden  of  life  endurable. 

To  bring  up  children  to  be  polite,  respectful, 
and  well-mannered,  but  with  manners  and  bC' 
havior  suited  to  their  years. 

To  teach  little  girls  to  curtsey,  in  accordance 
with  the  present  fashion,  when  speaking  to  their 
elders. 

For  children  to  be  considerate  in  their  be- 
havior toward  servants,  and  to  be  civil  to  them 
and  to  each  other. 


3n  f^e  Samif^  CitcU 


93 


It  is  not  tlie  Correct  Thing 

To  take  offence  if  a  neighbor  states  civilly 
that  he  would  prefer  your  children  should  cease 
from  breaking  his  windows. 

To  allow  girls  to  form  a  habit  of  giggling. 

To  frighten  children  with  stories  of  people 
who  are  coming  after  them,  or  to  leave  them  too 
much  in  the  care  of  servants. 

To  force  a  nervous,  timid  child  to  stay  alone 
in  a  dark  room. 

For  any  person  to  put  his  feet  on  a  chair,  table, 
or  mantelpiece,  or  anywhere  save  on  a  footstool 
or  the  floor. 

To  allow  children  to  consider  their  mother  in 
the  light  of  a  hat-rack,  bureau,  or  table,  handing 
to  her  whatever  article  they  wish  to  get  rid  of. 

To  scold  children  for  asking  questions  ;  this 
is  about  as  reasonable  as  to  scold  them  for 
breathing  or  thinking. 

To  allow  children  to  interrupt  any  one  who  is 
speaking,  or  to  allow  them  to  be  rude  or  savage 
in  their  behavior. 


94  t^^  Cotmt  t^in^ 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  supervise  the  reading  of  children,  and  to 
interest  them  in  the  works  of  the  best  authors. 

To  provide  regular  occupation  for  little  folks, 
and  plenty  of  healthy  amusement. 

To  teach  them  how  to  make  things,  thus  sub< 
stituting  constructive  for  destructive  tendencies. 

To  interest  children  in  the  study  of  birds,  ani- 
mals, flowers,  and  of  nature  generally,  substitu- 
ting the  field-glass  for  the  gun. 

To  teach  boys  to  take  off  their  caps  politely 
when  they  rnake  a  bow. 

To  give  them  plenty  of  plain,  wholesome,  well- 
cooked  food,  and  as  they  grow  older,  to  teach 
them  to  eat  a  variety  of  dishes,  rather  than  ta 
indulge  the  childish  tendency  to  dislike  every- 
thing to  which  the  boy  or  girl  is  not  accustomed. 

To  remember  that  a  healthy,  active  child  needs 
plenty  of  exercise,  and  needs  also  to  make  a 
noise  during  some  part  of  the  day,  just  as  an 
engine  must  blow  off  steam. 


3n  f^e  Mamif^  CitcU  95 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

For  parents  to  discuss,  in  the  presence  of 
children,  novels  of  doubtful  morality,  or  to  leave 
these  lying  about  the  house. 

To  allov/  children  to  have  nothing  to  do  on 
holidays,  or  in  vacation. 

To  allow  children  when  playing  out-of-doors  to 
annoy  the  neighbors,  or  to  be  rude  to  the 
passers-by. 

To  bring  up  children  at  hotels  or  boarding- 
houses,  if  one  can  possibly  avoid  it. 

To  allow  them  to  make  comments  on  the  food 
set  before  them. 

To  allow  children  to  attend  many  dances  or 
other  entertainments. 

To  allow  them  to  mimic  people.  It  is  ex- 
tremely ill-bred  to  do  so. 

To  expect  a  normal  child  to  sit  perfectly  quiet 
for  a  long  period  of  time,  or  to  forbid  his  enjoy- 
ing healthful,  and  even  noisy  sport,  at  the 
proper  hour. 


g6  t^e  Conut  $pmg 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  dress  children  in  pretty,  but  simple  and 
childish  fashion. 


When  Laying  the  Table 

To  use  fine  linen,  napkins  of  generous  size, 
pretty  china  and  glassware,  and  well-polished 
silver. 

For  those  who  can  afford  the  necessary  ex- 
pense to  change  the  napkins  at  every  meal,  and 
the  tablecloths  very  frequently. 

To  use  a  large  napkin  spread  over  the  cloth 
under  the  meat-platter  if  one  desire  to  preserve 
the  tablecloth  from  soil  or  stain. 

To  use  snowy  white  and  clean,  carefully  ironed 
table-cloths,  with  an  under-cloth  of  white  Canton 
flannel. 

To  use  very  large  napkins  for  dinner  and 
luncheon,  and  rather  smaller  ones  for  breakfast. 


3n  f^e  Samif^  Circfe  97 


It  is  net  the  Correct  Thing 

To  dress  them  like  grown  persons,  or  in  an 
elaborate  style. 

To  make  a  child  wear  a  conspicuous  or  old- 
fashioned  garment,  or  one  it  especially  dislikes, 
thus  causing  the  httle  one  much  unhappiness. 

When  L.vnxG  the  Table 

To  have  a  ver}-  handsomely  appointed  table 
with  insufficient  food  upon  it. 

To  spend  a  great  deal  of  money  for  food,  and 
none  for  suitable  table-equipage. 

For  those  who  live  in  a  handsome  and  expen- 
sive style  to  use  napkin-rings. 

To  use  silver  that  is  dull  for  the  want  of  clean 
hot  suds,  a  clean  towel,  and  frequent  rubbing 
with  chamois-skin. 

To  use  table  mats  where  a  tablecloth  is  used. 

To  use  a  colored  cloth  for  dinner. 

To  use  a  soiled  or  spotted  cloth. 

To  put  a  cloth  on  crooked,  or  so  that  it  humps 
up  in  the  middle. 


98  t^t  Cotnd  t^im 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

For  those  who  possess  a  handsome  mahogany 
dining-table,  to  use  a  linen  or  lace  centrepiece 
with  small  and  dainty  white  or  delicate  colored 
mats,  instead  of  a  table-cloth,  for  luncheon  or 
five  o'clock  tea. 

To  use  breakfast  napkins  for  tea,  or  fringed 
doilies  if  one  prefer  them. 

To  put  a  piece  of  bread  or  a  roll  on  or  in  each 
napkin  or  beside  each  plate  at  dinner,  and  a  dish 
with  a  reserve  supply  on  the  sideboard. 

To  place  miniature  ornamental  pepper-pots, 
usually  of  silver,  at  the  four  corners  of  the  table. 

To  place  oil,  vinegar  and  mustard  on  the  side- 
board, or  at  an  informal  meal  they  may  be  set 
on  the  table  in  little  ornamental  bottles  or  jugs. 

To  have  on  the  sideboard  a  little  silver  or 
brass  salver,  on  which  the  servant  should  hand 
all  the  dishes,  and  extra  spoons  or  forks,  should 
they  by  chance  be  desired. 

To  provide  each  person  with  an  individual 
butter-plate  where  butter  is  to  be  used  at  dinner. 


3n  f^e  Samifg  Circfe 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 


99 


To  place  a  plate  of  bread  on  table  for  dinner. 

To  put  on  individual  salt-cellars  with  which 
no  salt-spoons  have  been  used,  unless  one  change 
the  salt  in  them  at  every  meal. 

To  put  old-fashioned  casters  on  table,  oj 
spoon-tumblers,  or  stands  of  any  sort. 


To  place  butter  on  the  dinner  table. 


loo  C^e  Correct  t^inc^ 

It  is  the  Correct  Tning 

To  place  a  dish  of  butter  upon  the  sideboard, 
and  to  have  it  passed  around  when  sweet  corn, 
sweet  potatoes,  etc.,  are  served. 

To  use  a  crumb-scraper  or  fresh  napkin  'Snd 
plate  for  removing  crumbs. 


3n  t^e  Sc^tnifi^  Citcfe  loi 

It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  put  a  pile  of  plates  in  front  of  the  carver, 
instead  of  putting  one  plate  before  each  person. 

To  use  a  crumb-brush  and  tray,  although 
some  people  do  it 


I02  t^e  Cotucf  t^in^ 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  remember  that  for  a  perfect  feast,  brilliant 
and  agreeable  conversation  is  as  indispensable 
as  a  handsome  and  well-furnished  table. 

To  pay  great  attention  to  the  selection  of  the 
guests,  choosing  those  who  will  be  agreeable  to 
one  another,  and  remembering  that  while  there 
may  be  variety,  there  must  be  harmony. 

To  remember  that  the  law  of  proportion  is  the 
law  of  beauty,  and  that  guests  will  enjoy  a  com- 
paratively modest  entertainment  which  is  suited 
to  the  means  of  their  host  and  the  habits  of  his 
household,  far  more  than  a  very  ambitious  feast, 
for  the  preparation  of  which  it  is  evident  that 
every  nerve  has  been  strained. 

To  remember  that  a  host  should  plan  his 
dinner  carefully  beforehand,  as  a  successful  gen- 
eral plans  a  battle ;  but  that  when  the  conflict 
begins  he  must,  like  the  latter,  have  courage  and 
calmness. 

For  a  host  and  hostess  to  sit  at  either  end  or 
in  the  middle  of  either  side  of  the  dining-table. 


(^t  a  ©inneir  103 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  invite  many  very  shy  or  taciturn  persons. 

To  invite  many  people  who  like  to  monopolize 
conversation ;  one  of  this  kind  will  be  found 
amply  sufficient. 

To  invite  people  who  do  not  speak  to  one  an- 
other. 

To  invite  only  those  persons  who  see  each 
other  constantly,  and  hence  are  not  likely  to 
have  any  new  or  fresh  subjects  for  conversation. 

To  attempt  to  give  a  dinner  which  is  more 
elaborate  and  ceremonious  than  one's  establish- 
ment will  warrant. 

For  a  hostess  to  look  or  feel  worried.  The 
guests  will  be  very  quick  to  observe  this ;  and 
while  it  may  amuse  those  who  are  spiteful,  it 
will  tend  to  dampen  the  spirits  of  the  company. 


I04  2^5e  Cottut  t^im 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

For  the  hostess  to  tell  each  gentleman  which 
lady  he  is  to  take  in  to  dinner,  or  to  cause  cards 
to  be  placed  on  the  hall-table  giving  this  infor- 
mation on  any  formal  occasion. 

For  a  gentleman  to  ask  to  be  presented  to  the 
lady  whom  he  is  to  take  in  to  dinner,  where  he 
is  not  already  acquainted  with  her. 

For  the  host  to  go  in  to  dinner  first,  taking  in 
the  lady  in  whose  honor  it  is  given. 

Where  the  dinner  has  not  been  given  in  honor 
of  any  particular  guest  or  guests^  for  the  host  to 
take  in  the  most  distinguished  or  the  eldest  lady 
present,  or  the  wife  of  the  most  distinguished 
man,  or  a  stranger,  or  a  bride. 

For  the  host  to  place  the  lady  whom  he  takes 
in  to  dinner  in  the  seat  of  honor,  —  that  is,  on  his 
right  hand,  the  place  on  his  left  being  reserved 
for  the  lady  whose  position  or  age  entitles  her  to 
the  second  highest  room. 

To  light  the  dining-room  with  white  or  colored 
candles  or  lamps. 


(^f  a  ©inner 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

For  a  gentleman  to  go  in  to  dinner  with  a  lady, 
without  offering  her  his  arm. 

For  a  gentleman  to  neglect  to  draw  out  a  lady's 
chair  from  the  table,  and  to  assist  her  in  drawing 
it  up  again,  where  the  servant  does  not  perform 
this  office. 

For  the  hostess  to  go  into  dinner  first. 

To  begin  to  eat  or  to  talk  on  first  sitting  down 
at  the  table,  without  waiting  to  see  whether  grace 
is  to  be  said. 

To  have  four,  eight,  or  twelve  persons,  or  any 
number  divisible  by  four,  sit  down  at  the  table 
where  the  host  and  hostess  sit  one  at  each  end 
of  it,  since  this  arrangement  will  make  two 
gentlemen  and  two  ladies  come  next  each  other, 
and  is  therefore  to  be  avoided  if  possible/ 

*  With  the  modern  fashion  of  using  round  or  square 
rabies,  this  difficulty  is  happily  avoided.  A  connoisseur 
?vrites,  "  A  small  dinner  of  eight,  at  a  square  table,  is 
about  the  most  exquisite  form  of  entertainment." 


io6  Correct  t^in^ 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

For  the  hostess  to  go  in  to  dinner  last  with  the 
husband  of  the  lady  whom  the  host  is  escorting, 
where  the  dinner  is  given  for  a  married  couple ; 
in  other  cases  the  hostess  should  go  in  with  the 
most  distinguished  or  with  the  eldest  gentleman 
present,  or  with  a  stranger. 

For  the  hostess  to  assign  the  seat  on  her  right 
to  the  gentleman  who  takes  her  in  to  dinner,  and 
that  on  her  left  to  the  gentleman  who  is  entitled 
to  the  next  highest  distinction. 

To  have  the  servant  enter  the  drawing-room 
and  announce  in  a  low  tone  that  "  Dinner  is 
served,"  or  merely  bow  when  he  catches  his 
mistress's  eye. 

To  have  part  of  the  light  come  from  above  the 
table,  or  from  side  brackets  or  branches  on  the 
wall,  and  to  have  colored  shades  for  the  candles 
on  the  table.' 

■  It  is  now  thought  desirable,  as  it  is  also  artistic,  to 
light  by  candles  alone,  instead  of  with  two  kinds  of 
Ught. 


(^f  a  ©inner 


107 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  make  a  long  prayer  or  say  a  long  grace,  and 
thus  keep  a  hungry  company  waiting  while  the 
dinner  cools. 

For  the  host  to  take  advantage  of  the  helpless 
position  of  his  guests,  and  to  retail  to  them  all 
his  old  stories. 

To  have  a  dining-room  overwarm. 

To  have  it  full  of  draughts. 

To  announce  any  formal  meal,  and  least  of 
all  a  dinner,  by  ringing  a  bell.  This  is  a  relic 
of  the  Dark  Ages.  A  Japanese  dinner-gong, 
which  has  a  pleasant  musical  sound,  may  be 
used  when  the  family  are  alone,  or  in  the  coun- 
try, when  guests  are  straying  about  the  estate. 

To  light  a  dining-room  exclusively  with  gas, 
or  to  light  it  in  such  a  way  that  there  will  be  a 
glare  of  light  in  the  eyes  of  the  guests. 

To  sit  down  before  your  host  and  hostess  do, 
since  in  some  households  grace  is  said  while  all 
stand  behind  their  chairs. 


io8  t^c  Comet  t^inci 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  have  the  table-cloth  enriched  with  lace  oi 
embroidery  if  one  prefer  it  so,  but  to  have  it 
plain  white,  of  very  fine  quality,  and  ironed  with 
perfect  smoothness.  Detached  satin  ribbons, 
which  were  in  fashion  at  one  time,  have  now 
gone  out  of  favor  in  New  York. 

To  place  carafes  or  water-bottles  of  cut  or  en- 
graved glass  at  each  corner  of  the  table,  and  for 
a  large  dinner,  in  the  centre  of  the  sides  also. 

To  remember  that  plain  dishes  well  prepared 
are  much  better  liked  by  every  one  than  elabo' 
rate  dishes  made  without  the  requisite  skill. 

To  use  a  profusion  of  flowers  of  delicate  and 
agreeable  perfume,  or  to  use  a  handsome  dish  of 
fruit  and  flowers,  or  of  fruit  alone,  for  a  centre- 
piece. Silver  baskets  or  pots  filled  with  growing 
ferns  are  also  employed  for  this  purpose.^ 

*  According  to  present  fashion,  little  is  placed  on  the 
table  save  flowers  —  a  centrepiece  alone,  or  accompanied 
by  two  or  four  vases  of  flowers.  Fruit,  bonbons,  a^^c? 
little  cakes  are  also  placed  on  the  table. 


@f  a  ©inner  109 

It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  have  the  table-cloth  consist  wholly  or  in 
part  of  any  material  that  does  not  wash,  or  of 
any  colored  material,  such  as  satin  ribbons. 

To  have  the  dining-room  or  the  table  over- 
crowded. Nothing  is  more  uncomfortable  than 
a  table  so  arranged  that  the  attendants  cannot 
pass  by  without  pushing  or  crowding  against 
some  one. 


To  use  flowers  with  a  very  heavy  fragrance, 
such  as  tuberoses,  jasmine,  etc. 
To  use  artificial  flowers. 


For  a  host  to  praise  or  to  depreciate  his  own 
banquet,  or  any  of  its  details. 


no  Correct  Z^inQ 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  arrange  the  decorations  of  the  table  high 
enough  for  the  guests  to  be  able  to  see  under,  or 
low  enough  for  them  to  see  over  these  orna- 
mentations. 

To  remember  that  the  display  of  good  taste 
in  the  choice  and  arrangement  of  flowers,  china, 
glass,  or  silver,  is  much  more  gratifying  to 
guests  of  refinement  than  the  mere  display  of 
wealth. 

To  study  gastronomy,  whether  for  a  large  or  a 
small  feast,  and  to  give  things  that  are  good  of 
their  kind  and  that  go  together  harmoniously. 

To  remember  that  while  one  thoroughly  trained 
and  efficient  servant  can  attend  to  the  wants  of 
eight  or  ten  people,  it  is  still  often  necessary  to 
employ  a  greater  number,  an  attendant  to  every 
three  or  even  to  every  two  guests  being  some- 
times employed. 

To  have  the  service  good,  and  if  one  have  not 
efficient  attendants,  to  hire  them  from  some  re 
sponsible  caterer. 


(^t  a  ©inner 


III 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  arrange  the  ornaments  in  such  a  way  as  to 
interfere  with  conversation  across  the  table,  or  to 
intercept  the  view  of  the  guests. 

To  make  a  display  of  plate  or  of  flowers,  grow- 
ing plants,  etc.,  that  may  appear  ostentatious. 
Display  for  the  sake  of  display  is  always  vul- 
gar ;  while  a  display  which  is  beautiful  in  itself, 
and  is  made  to  give  pleasure  to  the  guests,  is 
perfectly  legitimate,  provided  it  does  not  border 
upon  extravagance. 

To  expect  that  servants  who  are  not  trained  to 
wait  properly  on  table  every  day,  will  be  inspired 
to  do  so  by  the  mere  presence  of  a  dozen  critical 
strangers. 

To  expect  miracles  of  the  household  cook.  A 
woman  who  is  in  the  habit  of  preparing  six  or 
eight  dishes  for  dinner  every  day,  for  six  people, 
cannot  be  expected  to  prepare  twenty  dishes  for 
fourteen  people  without  assistance. 


112  Comcf  $9^n3 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  place  a  card  with  the  name  of  the  guest 
upon  it,  beside  each  plate  at  a  large  or  cere- 
monious dinner. 

To  use  menu-cards  for  public  dinners,  one 
being  set  at  each  place,  or  one  for  every  two 
persons. 

To  have  a  cover  (that  is,  plate  for  each  per- 
son) accompanied  by  one  or  two  large  knives,  a 
silver  knife  for  fish,  when  necessary,  three  forks, 
a  soup  or  tablespoon,  a  small  oyster-fork  for 
eating  raw  oysters,  a  goblet  for  water,  and  where 
wine  is  used,  to  have  glasses  for  claret,  sherry, 
etc.,  placed  around  the  water-goblet. 

To  place  the  knives  and  oyster-fork  on  the 
right,  and  the  other  forks  on  the  left  of  the 
plate. 

To  place  a  napkin  folded  in  some  simple 
form,  on  the  left  side  of  each  plate,  with  a  roll 
or  small  thick  piece  of  bread  placed  upon  or 
tucked  into  it. 

To  place  the  glasses  on  the  right  of  each  plate. 


(^f  a  ©inner 


113 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  try  new  experiments  culinary  or  otherwise, 
upon  one's  guests. 

To  use  menu-cards  for  a  dinner  in  a  private 
house. 

To  place  the  forks  with  the  tines  turned  down, 
or  the  soup-spoon  with  the  bowl  in  that  position. 

At  a  simple  dinner  consisting  of  only  a  few 
courses,  to  place  beside  each  plate  more  knives 
and  forks  than  each  person  will  need. 

To  place  the  knives  at  the  top  of  the  plate, 
instead  of  at  the  side. 

To  cut  the  bread  in  thin  slices  for  dinner. 

To  place  the  napkin  in  the  water-goblet. 

To  make  a  napkin  stiff  with  starch,  to  fold  it 
into  a  fan  or  other  shape  savoring  of  hotel  prac- 
tices, or  to  put  it  upon  table  while  still  damp  or 
smelling  of  soap. 

To  put  the  glasses  on  table  with  the  stems  up. 
To  place  the  glasses  on  the  left  of  the  plate. 


114  Comet  t^irxQ 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

According  to  the  present  fashion,  to  drink 
little  or  no  wine,  for  fear  of  gout,  gentlemen 
sometimes  substituting  whiskey  and  soda  water. 

For  those  who  wish  to  do  so,  to  place  extra 
and  very  delicate  wine-glasses,  one  for  sherry  or 
Madeira,  and  the  other  for  claret  or  Burgundy, 
on  table  with  the  dessert.^ 

To  put  the  more  ordinary  wines  on  table  first, 
and  the  choicest  brands  with  the  dessert. 

To  put  an  individual  salt-cellar,  with  diminu> 
tive  salt-spoon,  beside  each  plate. 

To  begin  the  dinner  with  raw  oysters  (or  in 
summer,  small  raw  clams)  on  the  half-shell, 
served  on  the  regulation  oyster-plates,  with  a 
piece  of  lemon  in  the  centre. 

To  serve  one  or  two  soups  simultaneously 
after  the  oysters,  a  white  and  a  brown,  or  a  white 
and  a  clear  soup.^ 

*  This  custom  no  longer  prevails. 

*  Only  one  soup  is  served  now,  unless  the  occasion  be  a 
banquet. 


®f  a  ©inner 


"5 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  set  the  table  in  such  a  careless  manner  that 
the  guests  will  be  uncertain  as  to  which  is  each 
person's  glass  of  water  or  piece  of  bread. 

To  give  people  sherry-glasses  for  champagne, 
claret-glasses  for  sherry,  etc. 

To  put  on  ordinary  or  poor  wines  with  the 
dessert. 

To  place  tablespoons  (other  than  those  for 
soup)  or  other  extra  silver  on  the  table. ^ 

To  serve  raw  oysters  of  whose  antecedents  one 
is  doubtful,  since  typhoid  fever  may  be  the  result 
of  eating  oysters  grown  where  they  are  affected 
by  sewage. 

At  a  formal  dinner,  to  serve  raw  oysters  on  an 
ordinary  plate. 

^  This  is  one  of  the  new  rules,  and  is  not  universally 
followed.  At  some  houses  where  dinners  are  served  with 
great  elegance,  extra  silver,  in  the  shape  of  omameD*aI 
ipoons,  etc.,  is  still  to  be  seen  upon  the  tables. 


ii6  Comet  Z^inoi 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  serve  the  soup  and  all  the  rest  of  the 
dinner  from  the  sideboard  or  the  pantry  in 
dmer  a  la  Riisse. 

To  serve  fish  after  soup,  and  entrees,  or 
"  those  dishes  which  are  served  in  the  first  course 
after  the  fish,"  next. 

To  serve  two  entrees  at  once  at  an  elaborate 
dinner/ 

To  serve  the  roast  after  the  entrees,  then  the 
Roman  punch  ^  (which  is  properly  an  entremet^ 
or  "  dish  coming  after  the  roast  in  the  second 
course  "),  then  the  game  and  salad. 

To  serve  salad  either  with  the  game  or  as  a 
separate  course,  accompanied  by  cheese  and 
bread  and  butter.  The  bread  may  be  cut  very 
thin  and  nicely  buttered,  or  the  butter  and  bread 
may  be  served  separately. 

*  It  is  now  the  fashion  to  abbreviate  dinners  so  much, 
that  a  single  entree  suffices  for  a  small  dinner.  Indeed  some 
hostesses  omit  the  entree  entirely,  except  at  a  large  dinner. 

*This  course  (viz.  Roman  punch)  is  going  out  of  fash- 
ion, doubtless  for  the  reason  stated  above. 


(§f  a  ©inner 


117 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  serve  t^'o  soups,  one  after  the  other,  as  if 
they  constituted  two  courses. 

To  serve  soup  on  the  table  in  diner  a  la  Russe. 

To  serve  any  vegetable  save  potato  (or  a  veg- 
etable salad,  cucumber  for  instance )  with  iish. 

To  serve  dishes  surrounded  with  gravy  or 
sauce,  which  makes  it  difficult  for  a  guest  to 
help  himself. 

To  give  Roman  punch  with  a  simple  dinner.  — 
where  there  is  only  one  course  of  meat,  for  in- 
stance. 

To  serve  more  than  one  or  two  vegetables 
with  one  course  in  diner  a  la  Russe. 


To  place  cruets,  casters,  or  butter  dishes  on 
table. 


ii8  C^e  Comet  t^im 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  serve  some  vegetables,  as  asparagus,  sweet 
com,  or  macaroni,  as  courses  by  themselves. 

To  serve  cheese  as  a  course  by  itself. 

To  serve  the  ices  and  sweet  dishes  after  the 
salad  and  cheese,  then  the  fruit,  then  the  bon- 
bons. 

To  serve  after-dinner  coffee  (which  should  be 
strong  and  black,  but  not  muddy)  in  diminutive 
cups,  with  tiny  gold  or  silver  cofTee-spoons. 

To  serve  coffee  in  the  drawing-room,  or  it  may 
be  served  in  the  dining-room  after  a  dinner  where 
the  guests  have  not  sat  very  long  at  table. 

For  the  gentlemen  to  rise  when  the  ladies  leave 
the  table,  and  for  the  one  nearest  the  door  to 
hold  it  open  while  the  ladies  pass  out.  The 
gentlemen  then  usually  return  to  the  table,  where 
they  stay  a  short  time,  discussing  wine,  cigars, 
and  liqueurs.^ 

'  They  now  accompany  the  ladies  to  the  drawing-room 
sometimes,  returning  to  the  dining-room  themselves,  after 
the  ladies  are  seated. 


@f  a  ©inner 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  carry  to  extremes  the  modern  fashion  of 
serving  each  dish  by  itself,  and  thus  make  an 
infinite  number  of  courses  and  an  overlong  and 
tedious  meal. 

To  forget  that  the  custom  of  drinking  many 
wines  is  rapidly  going  out  of  fashion  and  favor. 

To  forget  that  smart  people  now  give  shorter 
dinners,  better  viands,  and  fewer  wines  than  for- 
merly, quality  replacing  quantity. 

To  serve  coffee  in  the  dining-room  where  the 
guests  have  already  sat  at  table  for  a  long  time. 

To  serve  after-dinner  coffee  with  milk  or  cream. 
It  is  sometimes  done,  however,  as  many  people 
prefer  ca/S  au  lait  to  cafi  noir. 


For  young  girls  to  take  wine,  unless  they  have 
been  accustomed  to  its  use  at  home,  or  in  any 
case  for  them  to  take  several  kinds,  or  much  of 
anj  xind. 


I20  t^e  Coned  t^irxQ 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  have  after-dinner  coffee  poured  out  in  the 
kitchen  or  butler's  pantry,  and  passed  around  in 
cups  on  a  salver,  accompanied  with  lump-sugar. 

To  place  a  fresh  fork,  or  fork  and  knife,  as  the 
case  may  require,  on  the  fresh  plate  which  is 
handed  to  each  person  at  every  new  course,  after 
the  knives  and  forks  of  the  original  cover  have 
been  exhausted.^ 

For  the  hostess  to  give  the  signal  to  leave  the 
table  when  she  sees  that  there  is  a  lull  in  the 
conversation. 

To  provide  hot  plates  for  hot-meat  courses, 
entries,  etc. 

To  put  the  finger-bowls  on  table  for  the  fruit 
course.  They  are  set  on  glass  or  handsome 
china  plates,  with  an  embroidered  doily  between, 
and  accompanied  by  a  silver  dessert  knife  and 
fork. 

*  It  is  now  thought  better  to  have  the  fresh  fork  when 
required,  laid  at  the  guest's  place,  beside  the  fresW  pia*»? 
but  not  upon  it. 


a  ©inner 


121 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

For  the  hostess  to  pour  out  after-dinner  coffee, 
tither  in  the  dining-room  or  the  drawing-room. 

For  gentlemen  to  remain  long  at  table  after 
the  ladies  have  left  it,  or  for  them  to  drink  heavily. 
To  do  so  would  now  be  considered  as  very 
boorish. 

For  any  one  to  put  to  actual  use  the  decorative 
and  expensive  little  doilies  now  so  fashionable. 

For  the  hostess  to  leave  the  table  when  some 
one  is  in  the  midst  of  relating  a  story. 

To  provide  hot  plates  for  salads,  cold  meats, 
or  hot  puddings,  which  last  keep  their  own  heat 
without  any  outside  aid. 

To  fill  finger-bowls  more  than  half-full  of  water, 
or  to  put  ice-water  in  them,  since  this  would  be 
unpleasantly  cold  to  the  fingers. 

To  remove  the  table-cloth  before  the  dessert. 
This  was  formerly  the  custom. 

To  imitate  the  countryman  in  Punch,  who 
said  propo!s  of  cordial,  that  he  should  "  like  to 
hay?         snore  of  that  in  a  mug." 


122  Z^e  Comcf  t^irxQ 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  clear  everything  from  the  table,  except  the 
decorations  and  lights,  before  the  dessert  is  set 
on,  removing  the  crumbs  with  a  silver  crumb- 
scraper  or  a  clean  napkin  and  a  plate. 

For  the  ices,  to  place  a  dessert-plate  with  an 
ice-spoon  or  a  fork^  at  each  place. 

To  set  on  real  fruit-napkins  where  peaches  or 
other  fruits  that  stain  badly  are  to  be  eaten.' 

To  serve  sherry  with  the  soup ;  Chablis,  hock, 
or  Sauterne  with  the  fish-comse ;  claret  and  cham- 
pagne with  the  roast,  or  the  latter  may  be  opened 
at  the  game  course. 

To  substitute  apollinaris  water  for  wine  if  one 
wish  to  do  so,  or  to  give  at  a  small  dinner  sherry 
and  claret,  or  claret  alone. 

To  serve  cordials  or  liqueurs  after  the  dessert, 
poured  out  into  tiny  glasses  (by  the  butler),  and 
passed  around  the  table  on  a  small  salver.* 

'  Fruit  napkins  are  no  longer  used,  save  on  the  family 
dinner-table. 

*  Or  they  may  be  handed  around  in  the  drawing-room. 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  retain  one's  knife  and  fork  in  one's  hand  or 
to  lay  them  on  the  table  when  one's  plate  is 
removed  at  the  end  of  a  course,  or  when  it  is 
passed  back  to  the  carver  for  a  second  supply. 

In  the  opinion  of  some  persons  to  give  a  heavy 
and  elaborate  dinner,  without  providing  any  wine 
to  accompany  it.  According  to  the  views  of 
these  persons,  wine  is  needed  with  a  heavy 
dinner  to  assist  the  digestion  and  prevent  the 
guests  from  growing  silent.  As  many  physicians 
assert  that  wine  impedes  digestion,  the  question 
seems  to  be  a  difficult  one  to  decide.  As  will 
be  seen  elsewhere,  heavy  dinners,  and  drinking 
wine  at  dinner,  are  both  going  out  of  fashion. 

To  bring  a  champagne-bottle  dripping  with 
moisture  to  the  table,  or  to  allow  the  drops  from 
it  to  fall  on  a  lady's  dress. 

To  decant  champagne  or  other  sparkling 
wine& 


124  Comet  Z^in^ 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  set  champagne  and  other  sparkling  i-ines 
in  an  ice-pail  to  cool  until  just  before  thep  are 
served,  and  to  pour  them  out  as  quickly  as  poS' 
sible  after  they  are  opened. 

To  pass  around  a  bowl  of  broken  ice  before 
the  champagne  is  offered  to  the  guests.^ 

To  wrap  a  napkin  about  the  champagne-bottle, 
as  it  is  apt  to  be  wet. 

To  serve  claret  and  Burgundy  of  about  the 
same  temperature  as  that  of  the  room ;  they  are 
sometimes  warmed  slightly. 

To  decant  sherry,  Madeira,  and  port,  and 
usually  claret. 

According  to  modern  custom,  for  the  servants 
to  pour  out  wine  for  the  guests  at  any  formal 
meal.  If  the  wine  be  on  the  table  however,  the 
host  may  offer  it  to  his  guests,  and  the  gentle- 
men may  help  the  ladies  sitting  next  to  them, 
passing  the  wine  on  to  the  nearest  gentleman. 

For  a  servant  to  offer  wine  on  the  right  hand. 
■  This  has  now  gone  out  of  fashion. 


(^i  a  ©inner 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  put  ice  in  any  one's  champagne-glass  with* 
out  first  asking  if  he  wish  it. 

To  ice  claret  or  Burgundy. 

In  the  opinion  of  many  people,  to  decant  very 
old  or  rare  wines.  These  are  sometimes  brought 
in  —  with  the  cobwebs  left  upon  the  bottle  —  as 
a  proof  of  their  age. 

To  allow  a  stupid  or  untrained  servant  to  pour 
out  wine  for  the  guests,  since  this  task  requires 
care,  nicet}',  and  a  steady  hand. 

To  attempt  to  give  an  elaborate  dinner  of 
many  courses  without  a  large  supply  of  china 
and  plate.  If  one  do  so,  the  result  will  resemble 
that  of  Bob  Sawyer's  party. 


To  offer  wine  on  the  left  hand. 


126  Comet  e^ing 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  have  the  soiled  dishes  and  silver  f  "omptlj 
removed  from  the  dining-room,  by  a  special 
servant  if  necessary. 

For  the  guest  to  remove  promptly  thr*  knife 
and  fork,  finger-bowl,  etc.,  from  his  pJ^te,  in 
order  not  to  delay  the  service  of  the  next  course, 

For  the  servant  to  pass  the  entrees  to  the 
guests  in  order  that  they  may  help  themselves, 
holding  the  dish  low,  with  a  napkin  un(Ser  it, 
and  flat  on  the  hand. 

For  a  servant  to  have  a  small  napkin  wrapped 
around  his  hand,  so  that  it  shall  not  coi?^e  iq 
contact  with  the  dishes. 

For  one  servant  to  offer  each  person  the 
proper  sauce  or  vegetables,  following  another 
who  has  just  passed  the  meat  or  fish,  etc. 

Where  there  are  several  servants,  for  one  to 
begin  at  each  side  of  the  table,  helping  first  t^he 
lady  who  sits  next  to  the  host,  and  the  otherr  in 
the  order  in  which  they  sit,  helping  the  gen  « 
men  after  all  the  ladies  have  been  helped. 


(^f  a  ©inner 


127 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  enliven  the  company  with  the  cheerful 
sound  of  the  washing  of  dishes  in  close  proximity 
to  the  dining-room. 

For  the  servant  to  hand  to  the  guests  any- 
thing that  requires  carving,  or  that  will  be  diffi- 
cult for  them  to  remove  from  the  dish. 

For  the  servant  to  hand  to  the  guest  platters 
large  enough  to  be  clumsy  and  to  take  up  too 
touch  room. 

In  the  opinion  of  many  persons  for  a  servant 
to  wear  gloves  in  a  private  house. 

To  allow  a  careless  or  inexperienced  servant 
to  pass  dishes  to  the  guests,  in  order  that  they 
may  help  themselves;  since  he  will  be  apt  tc 
hold  the  dish  too  high  or  too  low,  to  spill  gravy, 
or  to  drop  the  spoon  or  fork  on  the  floor. 

For  the  servant  to  omit  the  large  tablespoon 
and  fork  when  handing  the  entries. 


128  Z^t  Cotvuf  Z^itXQ 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

(Where  there  is  only  one  servant,  he  may,  for 
the  sake  of  convenience,  help  the  guests  in  the 
order  in  which  they  sit,  first  of  all,  however,  the 
lady  on  the  host's  right,  next  the  one  on  his  left, 
leaving  the  host  to  receive  his  plate  last  of  all.) 

For  a  servant  to  offer  all  dishes  on  the  left  hand. 

For  a  butler  to  wear  dark  morning  costume 
until  the  late  dinner-hour,  when  he  wears  even- 
ing dress. 

According  to  English  custom,  for  the  second 
man  to  wear  livery,  —  in  fact,  for  all  the  men 
servants,  save  the  first.  Many  persons,  however, 
think  that  liveries  are  out  of  place  in  a  republic 
like  our  own. 

When  you  wish  to  drink  a  person's  health,  to 
bow  to  him  (the  other  person  bowing  in  return)  ; 
each  one  then  drinks  a  few  drops  of  wine,  and 
sets  down  his  glass,  bowing  again. 

To  expedite,  so  far  as  is  possible,  the  service 
of  the  table,  the  length  prescribed  for  a  dinner 
by  modern  usage  being  from  one  to  two  hours. 


@f  a  ©inner 


129 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  help  the  hostess  first  when  other  ladies  are 
present. 

To  help  the  host  until  after  every  one  else  has 
been  helped 

For  a  butler  to  wear  evening  dress  before  the 
late  dinner-hour„ 

For  a  butler  to  wear  livery. 

Under  ordinary  circumstances,  to  drink  toasts 
at  private  dinners. 

To  drink  a  person's  health  in  cold  water,  as 
this  is  thought  to  portend  bad  luck. 

To  give  dinners  where  the  guests  sit  at  table 
during  three  or  four  hours.  Such  long  sessions 
are  now  thought  to  be  wearisome,  Edward  the 
Seventh  when  Prince  of  Wales  having  intro- 
duced the  fashion  of  remaining  for  a  com- 
paratively short  time  at  the  table. 


130  Cottut  t^irxQ 

It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  remember  that  the  first  law  of  the  table  is 
to  do  nothing  that  may  be  unpleasant  to  others. 

To  speak  of  a  person's  "behavior  at  the 
table"  or  "manners  at  table." 

To  arrive  punctually  at  the  hour  named  in  the 
invitation  for  a  dinner. 

To  avoid  leaning  far  back  in  one's  chair,  01 
sitting  side  wise,  or  on  the  edge  of  it. 

To  eat  soup  with  as  little  noise  as  possible^ 
and  to  take  it  from  the  side  of  the  spoon. 

To  leave  the  soup  on  your  plate  if  you  par- 
ticularly  dislike  it. 

When  helping  to  soup,  to  give  each  person 
half  a  ladleful,  or  a  ladleful  at  a  family  dinner. 

To  take  hold  of  the  knife  by  the  handle, 
allowing  the  forefinger  to  rest  on  the  upper  part 
of  the  blade  only. 

To  use  a  silver  fish-knife  in  addition  to  the 
{.ork  when  eating  fish  of  a  kind  that  requires 
this,  and  to  help  to  it  with  a  silver  fish-knife  or 
slice  and  fork. 


(3:f  tafife  131 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  make  one's  self  disagreeable  in  any  way 
to  one's  neighbors. 

To  use  the  expression  "  Table  manners." 

To  come  more  than  five  minutes  before,  or 
more  than  five  minutes  after  the  hour  named 
for  a  dinner. 

To  lean  too  much  over  the  table,  or  to  place 
one's  elbows  on  it. 

To  ask  for  a  second  helping  of  soup  or  fish. 

To  put  a  spoon  into  the  mouth  point  fore- 
most. 

To  refuse  soup. 

To  fill  the  plate  when  helping  to  soup. 
To  hold  the  knife  or  fork  in  any  fancy  way. 
They  should  be  held  in  the  simplest  manner. 


To  use  a  steel  knife  for  helping  to  fish,  or  for 
eating  it. 

To  eat  with  one's  knife. 


132  Z^c  Coxtui  ^^ing 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  remember  that  "hurry  was  made  for 
slaves." 

For  every  one,  for  every  gentleman  certainly, 
to  learn  how  to  carve. 

For  the  butler  to  do  the  carving  on  the  side- 
board or  in  the  pantry  at  all  ceremonious  meals. 

To  use  a  fork  for  breaking  up  and  eating 
potatoes. 

To  use  a  fork  alone  for  eating  croquettes,  pat- 
ties, and  most  of  the  made-dishes  now  so  fash- 
ionable, for  vegetables,  puddings  not  too  soft, 
many  fruits,  soft  cheese,  etc. 

To  use  either  spoon  or  fork  for  eating  ice- 
cream.^ 

To  use  both  knife  and  fork  for  salad  which 
has  not  been  previously  cut  up.^ 

To  eat  asparagus  with  the  fingers,  holding  it 
by  the  butt,  or  it  may  be  cut  up  with  the  knife 
and  fork,  and  eaten  with  the  aid  of  the  latter. 

*  The  fork  is  now  usually  preferred  for  eating  ices. 

*  It  is  better  to  use  a  fork  with  a  piece  of  bread. 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 
To  eat  rapidly= 

To  raise  and  spread  out  the  elbows  when  cut- 
ting up  one's  food,  or  to  cut  it  all  up  at  once,  as 
if  for  a  child. 

To  display  too  much  vigor  in  grasping  one's 
knife  and  fork. 

To  cut  potato,  or  touch  it  with  a  knife. 

To  use  a  spoon  where  one  can  conveniently 
ase  a  fork. 

To  cut  salad  into  little  pieces  on  one's  plate, 
so  that  it  looks  like  mince-meat.  This  should 
be  done  in  the  kitchen  if  at  all. 

To  leave  a  spoon  standing  in  a  teacup  instead 
of  laying  it  in  the  saucer. 

To  take  asparagus  in  one's  fingers  when  it  is 
covered  with  sauce. 

To  drink  tea  out  of  the  saucer,  or  to  pour  it 
bto  the  saucer  to  cool. 


134  2^9^  Comet  Z^inci 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  eat  celery  and  olives  with  the  fingers. 

To  use  a  fork  for  conveying  back  to  one's 
plate  as  quietly  as  possible,  fish  bones,  scraps 
of  gristle,  etc. 

To  use  a  spoon  for  soup,  puddings,  tea,  coffee 
and  chocolate,  preserves,  berries  (especially 
where  milk  or  cream  is  served  with  them),  cus- 
tards, or  for  any  dishes  too  soft  to  be  managed 
conveniently  with  a  fork. 

To  use  a  silver  knife  for  fruit  where  one  is 
required. 

To  prepare  and  eat  fruit  with  special  nicety 
and  care. 

To  remove  fruit  stones  and  seeds  from  the 
mouth  with  the  thumb  and  fingers,  or  with  a  fork. 

To  remove  the  skins  and  stones  of  grapes 
from  the  mouth  with  the  thumb  and  fingers. 

To  use  a  fork  as  well  as  a  knife  with  any 
juicy  fruit,  such  as  a  juicy  pear  or  a  pineapple. 

To  peel  and  slice  bananas  with  a  knife  and 
fork,  and  then  eat  them  with  a  fork. 


135 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

When  pouring  out  tea,  to  fill  the  cup  so  full 
that  it  runs  over. 

To  put  sugar,  cream,  or  lemon  in  the  tea  with- 
out first  ascertaining  whether  any  of  these  are 
desired,  and  in  what  quantity. 

To  leave  the  spoon  in  the  cup  while  drinking. 


To  use  a  steel  knife  with  fruit  of  any  sort. 

To  eat  fruit  in  a  mussy  or  unpleasant  manner, 
getting  one's  fingers  or  mouth  covered  with  juice. 

To  spit  the  stones,  seeds  or  skins  of  fruit  into 
one's  plate. 

To  eat  pineapples  with  the  fingers. 

To  eat  bananas  with  the  fingers,  except  at  a 
very  informal  meal. 

To  peel  a  pear  or  peach,  and  take  up  the 
juicy  pieces  in  one's  fingers,  instead  of  using  a 
fork. 


136  Comet  Z^im 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  peel  an  orange  with  a  knife  or  spoon, 
divide  it  into  pegs,  and  eat  it  with  the  aid  of 
the  fingers,  or  to  cut  it  up  nicely  with  a  knife 
and  fork,  and  eat  it  with  the  latter.^ 

To  use  a  finger-bowl  after  eating  fruit,  —  dijH 
ping  the  tips  of  the  fingers  in  it,  and  passing 
them  nicely  over  the  mouth,  then  wiping  both 
fingers  and  mouth  on  the  napkin. 

To  hold  the  fork  in  the  right  hand,  when  eat- 
ing with  it,  with  the  tines  curving  down  in  the 
middle  so  as  to  form  a  bowl,  that  is  to  say,  in 
the  reverse  position  from  that  in  which  the  fork 
is  held  for  carving. 

To  use  a  second  plate  of  about  the  same  size 
as  a  tea  plate  for  salad,  where  it  is  served  at  the 
same  time  with  vegetables  and  meat  or  fish, 
This  is  in  order  to  prevent  the  salad  dressing 
from  mixing  with  the  vegetables. 

*  Oranges  are  now  often  cut  in  two  with  a  sharp  knife, 
and  the  pulp  eaten  with  an  orange-spoon,  or  with  an  ord> 
nary  teaspoon. 


(^t  2:a6fe  137 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  suck  an  orange,  or  to  eat  it  in  public  at  all, 
if  one  cannot  do  so  in  a  delicate  way. 

To  dip  the  whole  hand  in  the  finger-bowl. 

To  open  the  mouth  unduly  wide  in  eating. 

To  double  up  a  large  slice  of  meat  or  cake,  or 
to  "  bolt  "  the  same. 

To  pack  food  on  the  back  of  the  fork,  thus 
necessitating  the  use  of  the  fork  wrong  side  up. 

To  put  the  skins  of  potato,  orange-peel,  etc., 
on  the  table-cloth. 

To  place  the  plate  from  which  one  has  finished 
eating  at  one  side  instead  of  waiting  for  the  wait- 
ress to  remove  it. 

To  tip  the  plate  in  order  to  secure  the  last 
drops  of  soup. 

To  tuck  the  feet  up  on  the  rounds  of  one's 
chair,  or  to  place  them  on  the  stand  of  the 
table. 


138  t^e  Comet  $5mg 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  put  on  only  one  plate  where  the  fish  or 
meat  is  served  with  salad  and  no  other  accom- 
paniment. 

"  To  raise  the  fork  to  the  mouth  laterally  with 
the  right  hand,"  so  that  the  fork  will  be  nearly 
parallel  with  the  mouth. 

To  lay  the  knife  and  fork  side  by  side  on  the 
plate,  with  the  handles  together,  when  sending  it 
back  for  a  second  helping.  This  is  the  modern 
custom. 

To  eat  a  boiled  egg  out  of  the  shell  with  an 
egg-spoon. 

For  the  host  to  see  that  the  wants  of  his  guests 
are  properly  attended  to,  unless  he  have  well- 
trained  servants  to  whom  he  can  safely  depute 
this  duty. 

For  grown  people  to  break  bread  in  pieces 
before  buttering  it  or  eating  it. 

To  break  open  hot  rolls,  muffins,  and  gems. 

To  ask  the  servant  quietly  for  what  you  wish, 
after  waiting  for  a  suitable  length  of  time. 


(^t  $:a6fe  139 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  use  separate  plates  or  "  sauce  "  plates  for 
vegetables  or  sauce. 

To  crook  the  elbow  in  eating,  so  as  to  bring 
the  hand  round  at  a  right  angle,  or  the  fork 
directly  opposite  the  mouth. 

To  rub  spoon,  fork,  or  knife  on  one's  napkin 
before  beginning  to  eat.  This  is  a  restaurant 
habit. 

To  take  a  boiled  egg  out  of  the  shell  into  a 
saucer  or  cup,  or  to  eat  it  with  a  teaspoon,  un- 
less in  cases  where  no  egg-spoon  has  been  pro- 
vided. 

For  adults  to  take  "  bites  "  out  of  a  whole  slice 
of  bread. 

To  cut  open  biscuits  or  other  hot  bread  or 
cake. 

For  the  guest  to  starve  instead  of  asking  for 
what  he  needs. 


I40  ^^e  Cottut  Z^im 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  ask  the  hostess,  or  your  neighbor,  to  pass 
you  what  you  wish,  where  no  servant  is  present 
to  hand  the  dishes. 

To  take  the  last  piece  on  the  dish  if  it  be 
offered  you.  This  shows  your  faith  in  the  re- 
serve supplies  of  your  host's  larder. 

To  keep  a  plate  which  has  been  handed  to  you 
by  the  servant,  thus  acquiescing  in  the  arrange 
ments  of  your  host. 

To  hold  a  wine-glass  by  the  stem. 

To  refuse  wine  if  you  wish  to  do  so. 

To  be  calm  and  unruffled,  even  if  you  upset 
anything  on  the  cloth,  or  drop  anything  on  the 
floor. 

When  in  doubt,  to  observe  what  your  neigh- 
bors do. 

To  attend  to  the  wants  of  one^s  neighbors, 
offering  to  pass  them  dishes,  helping  them  to 
butter,  etc.,  where  there  is  no  waitress. 

To  remember  that  no  one  is  thinking  about 
what  you  do  half  so  much  as  you  yourself 


(^f  taMt  141 

It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  trouble  your  neighbor  to  pass  you  the 
dishes  where  there  is  a  servant  present. 

To  be  or  to  appear  greedy  or  in  haste. 

For  the  lady  of  the  house  to  allow  her  plate  to 
be  removed  while  her  guests  are  still  eating. 

To  pass  on  a  plate  which  the  servant  has 
handed  to  you.  By  doing  so  you  create  confu- 
sion and  delay. 

To  hold  a  wine-glass  by  the  bowl,  or  to  rum 
it  up  on  one's  nose  in  order  to  get  the  last  drops 
of  wine. 

To  allow  the  servant  to  fill  one's  glass  where 
one  does  not  intend  to  drink  the  wine,  —  although 
one  need  not  feel  obliged  to  drink  it  merely  from 
the  fact  that  it  has  been  poured  out. 

To  apologize  save  very  briefly,  if  you  break 
anything,  or  to  offer  to  replace  it. 

To  be  too  precise  and  prim. 

To  be  flurried  or  nervous.  This  would  only 
attract  the  attention  which  otherwise  would  not 
be  bestowed  upon  you. 


142  Z^c  Correct  Z^irxQ 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

For  the  conversation  to  become  general  during 
part  of  the  time  at  a  small  dinner. 

To  refuse  one  or  more  courses  at  a  long  and 
elaborate  dinner  if  you  wish  to  do  so. 

When  dinner  is  served  in  the  old-fashioned 
way,  for  the  gentleman  who  sits  next  the  hostess 
ro  offer  to  do  the  carving  for  her. 

If  one  have  occasion  to  pass  anything,  to  lay 
down  one's  knife  or  fork,  and  to  hand  the  dish 
carefully. 

In  handing  a  plate  back  to  the  carver  for  a 
second  supply,  to  hold  it  in  such  a  position  that 
the  carver  can  readily  put  the  meat  on  it. 

To  speak  of  "  eating  "  soup. 

To  help  all  the  ladies,  including  those  of  the 
household,  before  any  gentleman  is  helped,  no 
matter  how  distinguished  a  person  he  may  be. 

To  take  off  your  gloves  as  soon  as  you  sit 
down  at  the  table. 

To  help  the  lady  of  the  house  first  when  no 
guests  are  present. 


®t  tafife  143 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  neglect  those  who  sit  next  you,  in  order  to 
listen  to  some  more  witty  and  agreeable  person. 

To  talk  across  people,  or  to  turn  your  back  to 
those  who  sit  next  you. 

To  make  comments  of  any  sort,  but  especially 
unfavourable  ones,  upon  the  food. 

To  feed  cats,  dogs  or  any  animals,  at  table, 
or  what  is  still  worse,  to  drop  pieces  of  food  or 
bones  on  the  floor  for  their  behoof. 

To  ask  a  person  to  "  dish  out "  food  of  any 
description. 

To  reach  in  front  of  another  person. 

To  shove  the  dishes  along  the  table. 

To  speak  of  "  drinking  "  soup. 

To  pass  a  plate  while  holding  fork,  knife, 
bread  or  anything  else  in  one's  hand,  or  while 
masticating  one's  food. 

To  tuck  gloves  in  at  the  wrist,  instead  of 
removing  them  altogether,  or  to  put  them  on  the 
table  or  in  a  wine-glass. 

To  use  toothpicks  either  natural  or  artificial. 


144  Comcf  Z^inQ 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  spread  the  napkin  upon  the  knees,  unfold- 
ing it  half-way,  and  in  the  case  of  little  children 
to  fasten  it  around  the  neck. 

To  leave  one's  napkin  unfolded  on  rising  from 
table,  especially  at  a  formal  meal. 

To  fold  one's  napkin,  where  the  hostess  folds 
hers. 

To  sit  with  the  lower  part  of  the  back  against 
that  of  the  chair.  This  tends  to  prevent  a  slouch- 
ing attitude,  and  also  lessens  the  danger  of  drop- 
ping food  on  the  front  of  the  dress. 

For  Children  ' 

To  wash  the  hands  and  if  necessary  the  face, 
and  to  smooth  the  hair  before  coming  to  any 
meal. 

To  wipe  the  mouth  both  before  and  after 
drinking,  and  to  swallow  what  they  are  eating 
before  beginning  to  drink. 

*  These  rules,  although  especially  intended  for  children, 
will  apply  with  equal  force  to  their  elders. 


tafife  145 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

For  adults  to  tuck  a  napkin  into  a  button-hole, 
or  to  fasten  it  at  the  neck. 

To  leave  one's  napkin  unfolded  at  an  ordinary 
meal  when  the  hostess  folds  up  hers. 

For  the  host  or  hostess  to  urge  a  guest  to  eat 
more  than  he  wishes.  This  old-time  form  of 
hospitality  has  now  gone  out  of  fashion. 

To  place  toothpicks  on  the  table  at  a  private 
house. 


For  Children 

To  come  to  table  at  any  very  long  or  cere- 
monious meal. 

To  make  playthings  of  the  napkin-rings  or 
silver,  or  to  crumble  up  or  play  with  bread. 

To  arrange  the  food  on  the  fork  with  the  help 
of  their  fingers  or  of  the  knife. 

To  turn  the  spoon  over  in  the  mouth,  or  to 
put  it  in  wrong  side  up. 


146  ^^e  Comet  Z^in^ 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  keep  the  chair  on  all  its  four  legs. 

To  use  a  piece  of  bread,  or  "bread-fork"  to 
assist  them  in  getting  their  food  upon  the  fork.^ 

To  ask  for  a  clean  fork,  knife  or  spoon  where 
their  own  has  fallen  upon  the  floor. 

To  help  themselves  to  a  dish  with  the  knife, 
fork  or  spoon  provided  for  the  purpose ;  or  if 
these  implements  have  been  forgotten,  to  ask 
the  servant  to  bring  them. 

To  provide  children  with  dessert-spoons  for 
eating  soup. 

To  take  just  enough  on  the  fork  for  a  proper- 
sized  mouthful. 

To  have  as  an  ordinary  thing,  a  plain  and 
wholesome  diet. 

When  they  are  old  enough,  to  learn  to  eat 
what  other  people  do. 

To  eat  bread  and  butter  with  the  butter  side 
up. 

*  Silver  "  pushers "  maj  now  be  purchased  for  chil- 
dren to  use,  instead  of  the  bread-fork. 


tarn  147 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  wriggle  and  jump  about  on  their  chairs,  or 
to  lean  too  far  over  the  table. 

To  put  the  spoon  or  fork  so  far  into  the  mouth 
that  the  bystanders  are  doubtful  of  its  return  to 
the  light. 

To  help  themselves  to  any  dish  with  their  own 
knife,  fork  or  spoon. 

To  turn  up  the  glass  or  mug  on  the  nose,  or 
to  look  at  people  while  drinking,  either  over 
or  through  the  glass. 

To  wave  about  the  spoon,  knife,  fork  or 
aapkin. 

To  fill  the  fork  with  food  along  the  whole 
length  of  the  tines,  and  then  to  "eat  off"  part 
It  a  time. 

To  drop  more  than  a  certain  percentage  of 
food  on  their  bibs  or  napkins. 

To  be  overfastidious,  asking  questions  about 
md  making  comments  upon  the  food. 

To  eat  very  rich  or  indigestible  food. 

To  eat  too  much. 


148  Cottui  t^irxQ 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  eat  the  pudding  and  the  plums  in  it  at  the 
same  time. 

To  take  the  top  slice  of  bread  or  cake,  and  to 
take  the  first  piece  that  they  touch. 

To  lay  the  knife  and  fork  side  by  side  on  the 
plate,  with  the  handles  together,  when  they  have 
finished  eating. 

To  help  girls  before  boys,  and  in  the  opinion 
of  many  persons,  to  help  very  little  children  first, 
when  no  guests  are  present. 

To  hand  a  pitcher  with  the  handle  coward  the 
recipient,  and  to  hold  spoons  and  forks  Dy 
the  middle,  and  a  knife  by  the  lower  par  of  the 
shaft,  the  handle  being  turned  toward  the  per- 
son to  whom  it  is  passed. 

To  keep  the  mouth  shut  while  eating. 

To  teach  children  to  come  punctually  to  all 
meals. 

To  see  in  their  parents'  behavior  an  example 
of  good  oreeding. 
To  preserve  the  public  and  private  peace^ 


(gt  ^afife  149 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  say  they  love "  any  article  of  food,  or 
Co  find  fault  with  it. 

To  ask  for  any  article  of  food  which  is  not 
upon  the  table. 

To  force  a  child  to  eat  what  it  especially  dis- 
likes. The  result  is  sometimes  unexpected  and 
disastrous. 

To  allow  children  to  be  careless  in  their  be- 
havior every  day,  and  then  scold  them  if  they 
behave  in  the  same  manner  before  strangers. 

To  allow  them  to  have  the  "  scrapings  "  of  jam 
or  jelly,  unless  it  be  in  the  privacy  of  the  kitchen. 

To  dip  bread  or  cake  into  a  glass  of  water. 

To  dip  bread  into  any  sauce  or  gravy. 

To  drain  off  a  whole  goblet  at  a  draught 

To  speak  while  eating. 

To  read  at  table. 

To  hand  a  thing  without  looking  to  see  what 
they  are  doing.  Some  unpleasant  accidents  have 
occurred  in  this  way. 

To  forbid  children  to  speak  at  alL 


150  Correct  t^im 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  turn  away  the  head  when  they  are  about 
to  cough  or  sneeze,  putting  the  handkerchief  to 
the  face  at  the  same  time. 

To  make  it  a  rule  that  children  shall  not  settle 
their  quarrels  at  table. 

To  forbid  them  to  make  strange  combinations 
of  food  on  their  plates. 


®f  tarn 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  allow  children  to  talk  constantly,  thereby 
annoying  one's  guests. 

To  hurry  and  worry  their  parents  and  other 
people  by  their  anxiety  to  have  a  meal  finished. 

To  yawn  or  stretch  themselves. 

To  spoil  every  one's  pleasure  and  contentment 
by  being  cross  or  quarrelsome. 

To  tell  tales  about  unpleasant  or  *'bluggy  ' 
subjects. 


152  t^t  Correct  Z^im 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  have  a  good  parquet  floor,  smooth,  but  not 
too  slippery,  and  to  remove  all  rugs  therefrom. 

To  have  plenty  of  good  music. 

To  have  a  handsome  supper,  brilliant  lights, 
and  beautiful  decorations  for  a  ball. 

To  decorate  assembly  rooms  with  handsome 
hangings,  old  furniture,  tapestry,  etc.,  as  well  as 
with  flowers  and  potted  plants. 

To  provide  chairs  for  the  german. 

For  every  lady  to  wear  her  handsomest  robes, 
her  richest  jewelry,  at  a  ball. 

For  young  girls  to  wear  white  or  light  colors, 
soft  transparent  materials,  and  costumes  that 
have  a  youthful  effect. 

For  the  hostess  to  provide  a  dressing-room  for 
the  ladies,  and  one  for  the  gentlemen,  together 
with  one  or  more  attendants  to  assist  the  former 
in  taking  off  their  wraps  and  overshoes,  and  to 
make  necessary  repairs  to  their  dresses,  in  case 
these  become  torn  in  dancing,  in  the  course  of 
the  evening. 


a  ©ance  153 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  cover  carpets  with  crash.  This  unwhole- 
some custom  has  gone  out  of  fashion.' 

For  a  hostess  whose  drawing-rooms  are  small, 
to  employ  so  many  musicians  as  to  make  the 
music  unpleasantly  loud. 

To  leave  much  furniture  in  a  ballroom  at  a 
private  house,  thereby  incommoding  the  dancers. 

To  leave  neither  chairs  nor  sofas  for  the 
chaperones. 

For  debuta7ites  or  other  young  girls  to  wear 
much  jewelry,  dark  silks  or  velvets,  or  rich  laces. 

For  women  with  ugly  scraggy  necks,  shoul- 
ders and  arms,  to  display  them  in  a  way  that  is 
painful  to  the  beholders. 

For  any  woman  to  wear  a  corsage  cut  so  low 
as  to  cause  general  and  unfavorable  comment. 

*  Almost  every  one  now  uses  large  rugs,  which  can 
easily  be  taken  up  for  dancing.  Those  who  have  carpets 
nailed  to  the  floor  do  sometimes  use  crash  —  but  it  is  an 
unwholesome  practice,  the  £ne  particles  of  linen  getting 
Into  the  lungs. 


154  Correct  t^xtxQ 


It  is,  the  Correct  Thing 

At  a  ball,  to  serve  supper  throughout  the 
evening,  or  to  serve  it  at  a  stated  hour;  in 
the  latter  case,  a  second  supper  of  some  sort  wiU 
be  needed  for  those  who  dance  the  cotillon. 

To  have  the  cloak-bundles  numbered  at  a 
public  or  assembly-room  ball. 

For  the  giver  of  a  large  dance  or  ball  to  cause 
an  awning  to  be  placed  at  the  entrance  to  his 
dwelling,  together  with  a  carpet  on  the  steps  or 
sidewalk;  he  should  also  employ  a  policeman 
or  private  servant  to  open  the  doors  of  the  car- 
riages and  help  the  ladies  to  get  out. 

To  have  the  carriages  numbered  at  a  ball 
given  in  an  assembly  room  or  public  hall. 

For  a  lady  to  enter  the  room  first,  her  husband 
following. 

For  the  eldest  of  several  ladies  to  enter 
the  room  first,  married  ladies  preceding  single 
ones. 

For  the  hostess  at  a  ball  to  receive  her  guests 
with  a  bow  alone,  if  she  wish  to  do  so. 


(^t  a  ©ance  155 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  give  a  ball  or  dance  and  provide  meagre 
or  insufficient  refreshments.  The  hostess  who 
should  do  so  would  excite  the  wrath  of  dowagers 
and  dancers  alike,  since  dancing  makes  people 
very  hungr}',  and  the  lookers-on  —  from  sym- 
pathy no  doubt  —  usually  become  hungry  also. 

For  all  the  attendants  to  leave  the  dressing- 
room  at  once,  in  order  to  see  the  dancing. 

To  have  careless  people  in  attendance,  who  do 
not  put  each  lady's  wraps  carefully  away  in 
a  separate  bundle. 

To  have  any  delay  in  opening  the  street-door 
for  the  guests. 

For  a  lady  to  enter  a  room  leaning  on  the  arm 
of  her  husband  or  other  escort. 

For  gentlemen  to  neglect  to  speak  to  the 
young  ladies  of  the  house,  or  neglect  to  invite 
them  to  dance. 

For  a  gentleman  who  is  not  acquainted  with 
the  young  ladies  of  the  house,  to  neglect  to  be 
presented  to  them. 


156  ^^e  Correct  t^inq 

It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

For  the  guests  to  shake  hands  with  or  make 
their  bow  to  the  hostess  as  soon  as  they  arrive. 

For  young  gentlemen  to  invite  the  young 
ladies  of  the  house  to  dance. 

For  the  patronesses  at  a  subscription  ball  to 
receive  the  guests  with  a  bow  at  once  gracious 
and  graceful. 

For  a  lady  to  recognize  or  not,  as  she  chooses, 
a  gentleman  whom  she  has  met  at  a  ball. 

For  a  gentleman  to  send  a  bouquet  to  a  lady 
whom  he  has  engaged  beforehand  to  dance 
the  cotillon  with  him,  although  this  is  not  ob- 
ligatory. 

For  a  gentleman,  when  he  asks  a  young  lady  to 
dance  with  him,  to  do  so  in  a  definite  and  polite 
way.^ 

For  a  gentleman  to  ask  his  partner  where  he 
shall  leave  her  at  the  conclusion  of  a  dance  ot 
promenade. 

*  Thus  he  may  say,  May  I  have  the  pleasure  ?  "  01 
"  May  I  have  the  next  dance,  Miss  ? " 


(^i  a  ©ance  157 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

For  gentlemen  to  neglect  to  find  and  shake 
hands  with  the  host,  after  speaking  to  the 
hostess. 

For  a  gentleman  to  ask  a  lady  whom  he  does 
not  know,  to  dance  with  him.  In  this  country  it 
is  not  permissible  to  do  so. 

For  a  lady  to  pass  without  recognition  a  gen- 
tleman with  whom  she  has  danced  the  cotillon, 
or  with  whom  she  has  had  much  conversation 
at  a  ball,  where  he  is  a  young  man  of  good 
character. 

For  a  gentleman  to  sit  down  in  the  supper- 
room  or  elsewhere  at  supper-time,  where  there 
are  not  seats  enough  for  all,  and  where  ladies 
are  standing.  Young  men  otherwise  well-bred 
are  sometimes  guilty  of  this  surprising  breach  of 
good  manners. 

For  a  young  lady  to  ask  a  gentleman  to  dance 
with  her,  to  hint  in  any  way  that  she  should  like 
to  l>2  asked  to  dance,  or  to  make  it  difficult  for  a 
parfiier  to  leave  her  after  a  dance. 


158  Comet  Z^irxQ 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

For  a  young  lady  to  ask  her  partner  to  leave 
her  with  her  mother  or  chaperone  at  the  con- 
elusion  of  a  dance. 

To  remember  that  the  waltz-step  changes 
every  few  years,  and  that  a  blunder  in  dancing 
is  very  like  a  crime. 

To  remember  that  with  perseverance,  practice 
and  correct  instruction,  any  young  person  who  is 
not  deformed  can  learn  how  to  dance. 

For  a  gentleman  to  bow  to  a  lady  when  asking 
her,  or  claiming  her  for  a  dance,  and  for  both  of 
them  to  bow  and  say  "  Thank  you,"  when  the 
dance  is  over. 

For  a  good  waltzer  to  dance  the  germ  an,  even 
if  he  do  not  know  its  figures.  In  this  case  he 
should  sit  near  the  foot,  and  watch  carefully  the 
evolutions  of  those  who  precede  him. 

For  gentlemen  to  dance  who  know  how  to  do 
so,  and  for  young  ladies  to  look  pleasant  and 
good-natured,  whether  they  are  asked  to  dance 
or  not. 


(^f  a  ®ance  159 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

Pbr  a  gentleman  to  say  to  a  lady,  "  Are  you 
engaged  for  the  polka  ? ''  This  is  a  very  impo- 
lite form  of  invitation. 

For  a  gentleman  to  ask  a  lady  to  dance  with 
him  a  certain  dance  which  he  knov/s  will  not  be 
given,  —  as  "  the  first  waltz  after  supper,"  when 
the  cotillon  is  to  succeed  the  supper. 

For  man  or  woman,  but  especially  man,  to 
endeavor  to  waltz  in  public  unless  he  knows  the 
current  ballroom  step. 

For  people  to  dance  in  the  german  when  it  is 
not  their  turn,  particularly  where  the  leader 
requests  that  this  shall  not  be  done. 

For  a  gentleman  who  is  not  an  expert  dancer, 
or  who  is  not  thoroughly  acquainted  with  the 
figures  of  the  german,  to  undertake  to  lead  the 
cotillon. 

To  introduce  a  gentleman  to  a  lady  without 
first  asking  her  permission. 

For  gentlem^  (?)  to  refuse  to  dance  when 
their  hostess  requests  them  to  do  so. 


i6o  Contcf  t^irtQ 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

For  a  hostess  to  provide  favors  and  bouquets 
for  the  cotillon.  Three  to  six  sets  of  favors  are 
ordinarily  used. 

For  a  gentleman  to  ask  the  hostess  or  a  mutual 
friend  to  introduce  him  to  a  young  lady  with 
whom  he  wishes  to  dance. 

For  a  lady  to  refuse  to  dance  if  she  wish  to 
do  so,  taking  care  in  this  case  to  sit  through- 
out the  entire  waltz,  or  whatever  the  dance  may 
be. 

For  a  hostess  to  endeavor  to  provide  all  her 
guests  with  dancing  partners,  especially  for  the 
cotillon. 

For  the  hostess  to  have  the  assistance  of  one 
or  two  young  men  in  the  matter  of  making  intro- 
ductions. 

Where  a  gentleman  has  forgotten  a  dance  en- 
gagement, to  apologize  and  show  regret  for  his 
carelessness,  at  the  same  time  asking  the  young 
lady  to  give  him  another  dance  at  the  next 
opportunity. 


(^f  a  ®ance  i6i 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

For  gentlemen  to  stand  around  the  doorways, 
in  dismal,  black-coated  groups,  refusing  to  dance 
because  they  are  too  lazy  to  do  so,  or  because 
their  favorite  partners  are  dancing  with  other 
persons. 

For  a  lady  to  refuse  the  invitation  of  one  gen- 
tleman, and  then  accept  that  of  another  for  the 
same  dance.  Duels  have  been  fought  for  smaller 
matters  than  this. 

In  the  opinion  of  many  persons,  for  husband 
and  wife,  or  for  an  engaged  couple,  to  dance  to- 
^•ether  throughout  an  entire  evening. 


To  forget  dancing  engagements,  or  to  become 
engaged  to  two  persons  for  the  same  dance. 


1 62  Z^t  Cottut  Z^im 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

Where  a  gentleman  has  by  mistake  become 
engaged  to  two  persons  for  the  same  dance,  to 
endeavor  to  provide  another  partner  for  one  of 
the  ladies,  especially  where  the  dance  in  question 
is  the  cotillon. 

Where  a  lady  has  made  this  mistake  she 
should  apologize  and  release  one  of  the  gentle- 
men, preferably  the  one  who  asked  her  last.  Or, 
where  they  ask  her  to  do  so,  she  may  divide  the 
dance  between  the  two  claimants,  giving  each 
half. 

For  the  host  to  lead  the  way  to  supper,  taking 
in  with  him  the  most  distinguished  or  the  eldest 
lady  present,  and  for  the  hostess  to  come  last. 

For  a  gentleman  to  take  in  to  supper  the  lady 
with  whom  he  is  talking  when  it  is  announced; 
or  — 

For  a  gentleman  to  invite  a  lady  beforehand 
to  go  in  to  supper  with  him,  if  he  wish  to  do  so. 


a  ®ance  163 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

For  young  girls  to  remain  unreasonably  late 
at  balls,  having  mercy  neither  upon  their  mothers 
nor  upon  their  german-partners,  who  may  per- 
haps be  obliged  to  get  up  early  and  go  to  busi- 
ness next  day. 

To  go  away  without  taking  leave  of  one's  host- 
ess, if  she  is  standing  near  the  door  of  exit,  and 
sees  that  one  is  about  to  leave. 

For  two  gentlemen  who  have  collided  in  the 
waltz,  or  who  have  caused  their  partners  to  do 
so,  to  glare  silently  and  wrathfully  at  each  other. 

For  a  gentleman  to  dance  "  stag,"  that  is  to 
say,  dance  alone,  during  a  cotillon  where  some 
of  the  ladies  have  no  partners. 

For  a  young  girl  to  go  to  a  subscription  or 
public  ball  without  a  chaperone. 

For  a  gentleman  who  is  talking  to  a  young 
iady  and  her  chaperone  when  supper  is  an- 
nounced, to  offer  his  arm  to  the  young  lady,  to 
take  her  to  the  supper-room,  leaving  the  elder 
to  follow  as  she  best  may. 


164  Concct  Zf^im 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

For  a  gentleman  to  ask  any  lady  to  whose 
wants  no  one  seems  to  be  attending,  whether  he 
may  not  bring  her  some  refreshment.  He  should 
make  a  bow  and  withdraw  at  once,  however, 
where  he  has  been  waiting  upon  a  stranger. 

For  a  hostess  to  employ  professional  waiters 
at  any  large  dance. 

For  a  gentleman  to  fill  his  own  wine-glass  and 
those  of  the  ladies  upon  whom  he  is  attending, 
and  then  to  replace  the  bottle  upon  the  table. 

To  avoid  even  the  appearance  of  greediness 
at  the  supper-table. 

For  young  girls  to  be  accompanied  by  their 
maids,  where  they  attend  dances  at  private 
houses,  to  which  their  mothers  have  not  been 
invited. 

For  a  gentleman  to  try  in  every  possible  way 
to  prevent  his  partner  in  a  round  dance  from  fall- 
ing —  holding  her  up  if  she  slip,  but  releasing 
his  hold  upon  her,  if  he  finds  that  he  himself  is 
going  down. 


a  ®ance  165 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

For  a  gentleman  to  attempt  to  enter  into  con- 
versation with  a  lady  whom  he  does  not  know^ 
using  as  a  pretext  for  his  behavior  the  fact  that 
he  has  waited  upon  her  at  supper-time. 

For  a  gentleman  to  remain  with  a  lady  after 
supper  is  announced,  when  he  is  engaged  to  take 
another  person  in  to  supper,  thus  preventing  the 
first  lady  from  going  in  to  the  dining-room  with 
some  one  else. 

For  gentlemen  to  stand  around  the  supper- 
table  in  such  a  way  as  to  bar  the  approach  of 
others,  or  for  them  to  take  more  than  their  fair 
share  of  good  things. 

For  a  gentleman  to  keep  a  bottle  of  wine  under 
his  arm,  or  hide  it  away  from  other  people. 

For  a  gentleman  to  keep  hold  of  his  partner, 
where  he  finds  himself  falling. 

For  young  men  to  carry  plates  and  dishes  care- 
lessly through  a  crowded  supper-room,  spilling 
their  contents  on  the  clothes  of  the  guests. 


1 66  t^c  Coned  Z^inq 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  go  away  from  a  ball  without  taking  leave 
of  the  hostess,  where  one  leaves  early,  or  where 
the  crowd  makes  it  difficult  to  find  her. 

For  a  gentleman  to  apologize  where  he  has 
stepped  on  the  foot  or  dress  of  his  partner,  or  of 
another  lady,  where  he  has  himself  come  into 
collision  with  others,  or  has  caused  his  partner 
to  do  so. 

To  serve  supper  from  a  large  table,  or  to  have 
the  guests  seated  at  small  tables,  with  room  for 
four  or  six  persons  at  each,  when  the  service  is 
in  courses. 

To  have  the  favors  arranged  on  two  tables^ 
one  for  the  gentlemen,  and  one  for  the  ladies. 

To  have  the  favors  given  out  by  the  patron* 
esses,  by  the  hostess  and  one  or  two  friends,  oi 
by  the  leader  and  his  partner. 

For  a  gentleman  who  comes  up  to  speak  to  a 
lady  while  she  is  talking  to  another  man,  to  bow 
to  the  latter  as  a  matter  of  courtesy,  and  by  way 
of  apology  for  speaking  to  his  partnero 


@f  a  ©ance  167 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

For  a  gentleman  who  goes  to  a  dance  with  one 
or  more  ladies,  to  neglect  them  at  supper-time. 
Even  if  he  has  engaged  another  partner  for  the 
supper-hour,  he  must  also  see  that  those  under 
his  charge  are  attended  to. 


To  serve  supper  at  small  tables,  where  there 
are  not  enough  waiters  to  attend  properly  to  the 
wants  of  the  guests. 

To  neglect  your  partner  in  the  cotillon,  in 
order  to  talk  with  some  one  else. 

For  a  gentleman  to  hesitate,  or  to  rise  slowly, 
when  a  lady  oilers  him  a  favor  in  the  cotillon, 
or  holds  out  her  hand,  showing  that  she  wishes 
to  take  him  out. 

For  a  gentleman  to  neglect  to  escort  to  her 
seat,  a  lady  with  whom  he  has  been  dancing  in 
the  cotillon,  or  to  forget  to  thank  her.  at  the 
beginning  and  again  at  the  end  of  the  "turn." 


1 68  Z^c  Cotted  Z^im 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  have  the  day  and  hour  of  an  afternoon  tea 
engraved  on  one's  visiting-card,  or  written  if  one 
prefer  it  so. 

To  use  an  "  At  Home  "  card  for  an  afternoon 
reception  if  one  wish  to  do  so.' 

To  give  simple  refreshments  at  an  afternoon 
tea.  One  need  only  provide  tea,  with  thin  slices 
of  bread  and  butter  or  sandwiches,  fancy  biscuits 
or  cake,  coffee  or  chocolate  ;  ice  cream  and  bouil- 
lon may  be  added  to  the  list,  also  punch  or 
lemonade. 

To  remember  that  a  large  afternoon  tea  and  a 
reception  are  very  much  alike,  the  latter  being 
usually  more  formal  in  character. 


*  The  "  At  Home  "  is  usually  omitted,  according  to  re< 
cent  fashion,  the  card  for  one  or  more  receptions  couv 
taining,  in  addition  to  the  names  of  the  hostess  and  hey 
daughter,  and  their  address,  the  d;^.y  or  days  at  home,  and 
sometimes  the  hour,  using  letters  instead  of  figures,  foi 
date  and  hour. 


C^ffemoon  $ea  or  (Rece|jfion  169 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

According  to  the  newest  fashion,  to  put  the 
day  of  the  month  or  the  hour  in  figures  in  an 
engraved  invitation. 

To  use  the  letters  a.  m.  or  p.  m.  in  an  invita- 
tion, instead  of  oclock. 

To  give  champagne  or  much  wine  of  any  sort 
at  an  afternoon  tea. 

To  have  the  rooms  over  or  under  heated. 


To  give  a  handsome  supper  where  the  guests 
have  been  invited  to  afternoon  tea. 

To  use  a  low  five-o'clock  tea-table  where  a 
number  of  guests  are  expected,  thus  obliging  the 
hostess  to  jump  up  constantly  to  receive  her 
friends,  ^nd  sit  down  as  often  to  pour  out  tea. 


lyo  50e  Comet  Z^im 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

For  those  who  wish  to  do  so,  to  have  several 
varieties  of  delicate  and  pretty  cakes,  and  several 
kinds  of  sandwiches  and  bread  and  butter, 
also  salted  almonds,  candies,  litchi-nuts,  or  other 
dainty  trifles  on  the  afternoon  tea-table.^ 

To  give  oysters,  salads,  pates,  boned  turkey, 
ice  cream,  coffee,  bonbons,  etc.,  at  an  afternoon 
reception,  if  one  wish  to  do  so.^ 

For  the  hostess  to  pour  out  tea  at  a  very  small 
and  informal  occasion,  or  at  a  larger  one  to  de- 
pute her  daughters  or  other  young  ladies  to  pour 
out  tea  and  coffee  in  the  dining-room  or  the 
drawing-room. 

*  Some  hostesses  now  give  a  great  variety  of  sand- 
wiches, either  made  into  a  roll,  or  flat,  and  filled  with  let- 
tuce or  other  salad,  pate-de-foies-gras,  cheese,  nuts  of 
various  kinds,  jelly,  marmalade,  caviare,  etc.,  and  bread 
and  butter  of  different  sorts. 

^  It  is  now  the  fashion  to  omit  these  more  solid  articles 
of  food  at  afternoon  occasions.  Bouillon  is  always  given 
at  large  teas  in  New  York,  in  cold  weather,  also  candies  an(| 
chocolate.  Ice  cream  in  individual  shapes  may  be  added, 
also  chocolate,  coffee  or  punch  /not  raa,de  too  strong). 


(^ffemoon  ^ea  or  (gecepfion  171 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  allow  the  tea  to  stand  on  the  leaves,  since 
this  renders  it  unwholesome.  It  should  be  made 
in  an  earthenware  teapot,  and  transferred  quickly 
to  a  silver  one.  or  with  a  tea-ball  immersed  for  a 
moment  in  each  cup. 


To  have  tea  poured  out  in  the  drawing-room 
when  many  persons  are  expected,  because  the 
arrangement  would  be  an  inconvenient  one,  and 
would  crowd  the  guests. 


For  guests  to  deposit  their  cups  or  plates  in 
the  drawing-room  in  a  careless  or  awkward  man- 
ner, setting  them  on  varnished  surfaces  or  on 
silken  cloths,  or  too  near  the  edge  of  a  table,  so 
that  they  will  be  likely  to  fall  upon  the  floor. 


172  Z^c  Correct  Z^inq 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  have  the  tea  poured  out  in  the  butler's 
pantry  if  more  convenient  to  do  so,  and  to  have 
it  passed  around  on  a  waiter  by  a  servant, 
although  it  is  "better  form"  to  have  it  poured 
out  by  the  hostess  or  her  deputy. 

To  be  sure  that  the  simple  refreshments  are 
the  very  best  of  their  kind,  —  using  the  "  best  of 
butter,"  tea  of  superior  quality  accompanied 
by  cream,  cut  white  sugar  and  slices  of  lemon 
for  those  who  like  tea  made  in  Russian  fash- 
ion; also  bread  cut  very  thin  and  spread  very 
daintily,  with  the  crusts  trimmed  off. 

To  have  the  tea  and  coffee  kept  hot  by  means 
of  urns  with  alcohol  lamps  beneath  them. 

To  serve  iced  tea  in  summer,  flavored  with 
lemon. 

To  remember  that  cheap  English  breakfast  tea 
is  not  fit  to  drink ;  while  cheap  Oolong  tea  is 
sometimes  pretty  good.^ 

*  Ceylon  teas  are  now  thought  very  good. 


(Afternoon  $ea  ox  (gece^jfion  173 


It  is  nor  the  Correct  Thing 

To  use  powdered  or  granulated  sugar  for  the 
tea  and  coltee,  or  lump  sugar  with  chocolate. 

To  use  cheap  baker's,  or  poor  or  stale  home- 
made cake. 

To  prepare  iced  tea  in  such  a  way  that  it  has 
a  bitter  taste. 


To  have  the  tea  cold  or  lukewarm. 
To  have  the  tea  "  boiled,"  as  this  ruins  its 
flavor. 

To  use  tea  of  an  inferior  quality. 

To  give  an  afternoon  tea  (calling  it  by  that 
name\  and  provide  coffee  as  the  only  drink,  or 
to  give  a  "  kaffee-klatsch,"  and  provide  only  tea. 

To  make  the  tea  with  water  which  is  not  abso- 
lutely boiling  at  the  moment  when  it  is  poured 
upon  the  tea-leaves. 


174  Correct  Z^inQ 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  provide  whipped  cream  with  chocolate. 

For  the  hostess  to  shake  hands  with  her 
guests,  and  receive  them  with  cordiality. 

For  the  hostess,  at  a  large  occasion,  to  have 
the  assistance  of  other  ladies  in  receiving  her 
friends.  These  assistant  hostesses  should  move 
about  the  rooms,  entertaining  the  guests,  asking 
them  to  go  in  and  take  some  refreshment,  and 
making  the  necessary  introductions. 

For  the  hostess  to  remain  near  the  door  (but 
out  of  the  draught)  at  a  large  reception,  in  order 
that  the  guests  may  find  her  easily. 

For  the  ladies  who  receive  to  wear  a  hand- 
some demi-toilette,  —  made  of  silk,  satin,  velvet, 
lace  or  some  pretty  woollen  material,  cut  down  at 
the  neck  if  the  wearer  choose,  and  light  or  dark 
in  color.  ^ 

*  It  is  now  thought  better  style  to  wear  a  high-necked 
gown.  Young  girls  when  receiving  wear  white  or  light 
colored  dresses  of  chiffon  or  some  pretty  thin  materia) 
made  high  in  the  neck,  with  long  sleeves. 


Afternoon        or  (Rece|?fion  175 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

For  the  hostess  to  be  stiff  and  formal  in  her 
manner  and  greetings  to  her  guests,  since  an 
afternoon  tea  is  an  i?iformal  occasion. 

For  the  hostess  at  a  large  reception  to  receive 
her  friends  without  the  assistance  of  some  other 
person  who  can  share  the  burden  of  hospitality 
with  her. 

To  invite  guests  to  meet  some  distinguished 
person,  and  then  neglect  to  introduce  them  to 
him. 

To  introduce  such  a  multitude  of  persons  to  a 
distinguished  guest  that  he  becomes  wearied  and 
confused. 

For  the  hostess  to  wear  full  evening-dress. 
For  the  guests  to  take  off  their  bonnets  when 
not  specially  invited  to  do  so. 


176  Z^c  Cotttct  Z^inoi 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

For  the  hostess  to  move  about  the  rooms,  at  a 
small  or  informal  occasion,  conversing  with  hei 
guests  and  attending  to  their  wants. 

For  ladies  who  are  guests  to  vv^ear  plain  tailor- 
made  costumes,  or  handsome  reception-dresses  if 
they  prefer,  retaining  their  hats,  but  taking  ofl" 
their  outer  wraps  or  leaving  them  on,  at  will. 
White  or  light  gloves  complete  the  visitor  s 
costume. 

For  gentlemen  to  wear  formal  morning-dress ; 
namely,  black  or  dark  frock-coat  or  cutaway, 
with  high  waistcoat  to  match,  dark  striped 
trousers,  and  scarf  or  necktie.^ 

To  provide  a  dressing-room  for  the  ladies 
and  for  gentlemen  also,  when  they  are  invited. 

To  remain  at  an  afternoon  reception  half  an 
hour  or  longer,  if  one  choose  to  do  so,  and  finc^ 
friends  with  whom  to  converse. 

*  Present  fashion  permits  gentlemen  to  wear  at  in- 
formal receptions  in  summer,  ordinary  sack  suits,  with 
white  trousers  if  they  like. 


(Sri  (Afternoon  5ea  or  (gece^?(ion  177 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  detain  the  hostess  in  conversation  in  such 
a  way  as  to  prevent  her  from  attending  to  other 
guests. 

For  gentlemen  to  come  into  the  drawing-room 
wearing  their  overcoats,  or  bringing  their  um- 
brellas with  them.  Young  ladies  who  are  asked 
to  assist  in  receiving  or  in  waiting  on  the  guests 
should  not  wear  dark  street  costume,  nor  retain 
their  hats.  They  may,  hovvever,  wear  silk  waists 
and  dark  skirts  on  informal  occasions. 

For  gentlemen  to  wear  evening-dress  at  an 
afternoon  occasion. 

To  go  to  a  lady's  house  to  a  tea  or  to  a  card 
reception  (that  is,  reception  for  which  cards  of 
invitation  have  been  issued)  when  one  has  not 
been  invited. 

To  go  to  every  one  of  a  series  of  receptions 
for  which  one  has  received  cards.  Thus  if  Mrs. 
Brown  sent  out  cards  for  "  Fridays  in  January," 
the  same  persons  would  not  attend  more  than 
one  or  two  of  these  receptions. 


178  t^e  Comet  t^inq 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  darken  the  windows  and  light  the  rooms 
by  artificial  light  at  a  large  and  handsome  recep- 
tion, also  to  decorate  the  house  with  flowers  and 
to  hire  a  band  of  musicians,  if  the  hostess  wish 
to  do  so. 

To  have  a  small  informal  dance  succeed  an 
afternoon  tea  or  reception,  notifying  beforehand 
the  guests  who  are  to  remain  and  take  part  in  it, 
and  perhaps  asking  others  to  remain,  on  the 
spur  of  the  moment. 

For  the  hostess  to  wear  gloves  or  go  without 
them,  as  she  prefers. 

For  the  daughter  of  the  house  and  her  friends 
to  pass  the  tea,  sandwiches,  etc.,  and  to  attend 
to  the  wants  of  the  guests  at  an  informal  after- 
noon  tea. 

To  use  a  "curate's  assistant"  or  tall  stand 
made  with  several  shelves,  to  hold  the  bread  and 
butter  and  cake  for  an  informal  tea.  Afternoon 
tea-tables  with  two  stories  are  also  useful. 


Afternoon  ^ea  or  ^cuption  179 


It  is  not  tlie  Correct  Thing 

To  handle  costly  bric-^-brac,  or  to  finger  cur- 
tains and  scarves  as  if  one  were  in  an  uphol- 
sterer's shop. 

To  give  even  a  simple  afternoon  tea  without 
providing  sufficient  service  for  the  comfort  and 
convenience  of  the  guests.  Hostesses  who  live 
in  the  country,  and  have  only  one  maid-servant, 
should  either  hire  a  waitress  for  the  afternoon,  or 
depute  a  daughter  or  some  young  friend  to  bring 
fresh  supplies  of  hot  water,  tea-cups  and  saucers 
is  they  are  needed,  since  the  maid-of-all-work 
mil  have  her  hands  full  attending  to  the  door. 


I  So  Z^t  Comet  $9m0 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  remember  that  lunch,  or  luncheon,  is  prima- 
rily an  informal  meal. 

For  a  hostess  to  set  before  her  guests  either  a 
simple  and  informal,  or  elegant  and  expensive 
entertainment,  just  as  her  tastes  incline  her,  or 
as  the  size  and  nature  of  the  occasion  would 
appear  to  demand. 

To  remember  that  there  is  very  little  difference 
between  a  formal  luncheon  and  a  dinner. 

On  a  ceremonious  occasion,  to  set  the  table 
much  as  it  would  be  arranged  for  a  dinner,  using 
lights  if  one  wish  to  do  so,  also  a  profusion  of 
flowers,  silver,  beautiful  china  and  glass,  and 
having  the  dishes  served  from  the  sideboard,  and 
handed  around  by  the  servants. 

To  seat  the  guests  at  one  large  table,  or  at 
several  little  tables,  at  a  large  luncheon. 

To  use  simple  name-cards  with  the  monogram 
of  the  hostess,  or  perfectly  plain. 

For  ladies  to  wear  their  bonnets  or  hats,  and 
street  or  reception  dress. 


®f  S^mc^ton  i8i 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  invite  people  who  are  in  the  habit  of  din- 
ing in  the  middle  of  the  day,  to  take  lunch  with 
you,  —  unless  you  provide  something  substantial 
for  them  to  eat,  such  as  meat  or  fish  in  some 
form. 

To  have  the  dishes  as  substantial  in  character 
as  they  would  be  at  a  dinner. 

In  the  opinion  of  many  people,  to  give  ladies* 
luncheons  consisting  of  so  many  and  such  heavy 
courses  as  to  cause  the  guests  to  have  headaches 
on  the  following  day. 

To  have  the  floral  arrangements  as  formal  or 
as  extensive  as  in  the  case  of  a  dinner. 


i  or  ladies  to  remove  their  hats  unless  especialJj? 
requested  to  do  so  by  the  hoste.?4 


i82  t^t  CoTUct  Z^im 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  use  an  embroidered  linen  or  lace  centre- 
piece,  preferably  round  in  shape,  and  to  place 
also  in  the  middle  of  the  table,  a  dish  of  fruit  or 
growing  ferns,  or  flowers  in  a  bowl,  vase  or  low, 
shallow  receptacle  of  silver,  glass  or  china. 
Loving-cups  are  much  used  for  this  purpose. 

For  the  guests  to  enter  the  dining-room  sepa- 
rately, instead  of  arm  in  arm,  the  ladies  going 
first,  and  the  gentlemen  following  them. 

For  a  club  luncheon  or  other  special  occasion, 
to  have  quotations  or  appropriate  devices  on 
the  cards. 

For  lunch-clubs  to  give  luncheons  where  the 
hostess  is  limited  to  a  small  expenditure,  as  fifty 
or  twenty-five  cents  for  each  person,  or  five 
dollars  for  the  entire  repast. 

To  fold  the  bread  in  the  napkin,  as  at  dinner. 

To  have  the  first  course  consist  of  fruit  or  of 
raw  oysters  (or  clams  in  summer),  or  of  bouillon 
or  chicken  consomm^  served  in  cups  set  on 
plates,  and  accompanied  with  large  teaspoons. 


183 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

For  ladies  or  gentlemen  to  wear  evening  dress 
or  to  keep  their  gloves  on  at  table. 


For  ladies  and  gentlemen  to  enter  the  dining- 
room  arm  in  arm. 

To  arrange  small  tables  in  such  a  way  that 
the  butler  or  waitress  cannot  conveniently  pass 
around  them  to  wait  upon  the  guests. 

At  a  formal  luncheon  to  place  food  on  the 
table,  with  the  exception  of  the  fruit,  bonbons, 
olives,  salted  almonds,  small  fancy  cakes  or 
similar  trifles. 

To  use  menu-cards  at  a  private  house. 

To  serve  bouillon  in  soup-plates  at  a  formal 
lunch. 

According  to  English  custom,  to  use  finger- 
bowls  at  luncheon,  although  they  are  often  thus 
used  in  this  country. 


184  Coned  Z^im 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

For  each  plate  or  "  cover  "  to  be  accompanied 
by  two  knives,  two  forks,  one  or  two  spoons,  a 
water-goblet,  and  (where  wine  is  given)  a  sherry 
glass  or  a  claret  glass  or  both.  At  an  elaborate 
luncheon,  three  knives  and  forks,  a  raw-oyster 
fork,  etc.,  are  often  used. 

To  have  Apollinaris  or  other  effervescent 
waters  take  the  place  of  wine  at  ladies'  lunches. 

To  have  wine  set  on  table  in  decanters,  or 
offered  by  the  servants.  Sherry  and  claret  are 
the  wines  usually  preferred,  or  "  cup." 

To  use  bouillon  cups  with  a  cover  and  two 
handles,  and  saucers  to  match. 

To  have  tea  or  coffee,  or  both,  poured  out  by 
the  hostess  at  an  informal  occasion,  or  poured 
out  in  the  pantry  and  handed  around  in  small 
cups  on  a  waiter  by  the  servant,  at  a  formal  one. 

At  an  informal  lunch  to  place  the  dessert  on 
table  in  the  first  instance  if  one  wish  to  do  so, 
and  to  serve  the  vegetables  from  the  sideboard^ 
the  hostess  helping  to  the  chops,  cold  meats,  etc, 


feunc^eon  185 
»— — — ~  — — 

It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  give  many  wines,  especially  at  a  ladies' 
iunch. 

For  ladies  who  are  unaccustomed  to  wine  to 
drink  champagne,  eat  Roman  punch,  and  finish 
off  with  a  tiny  glass  of  liqueur.  A  headache  or 
worse  may  be  the  consequence. 

To  serve  wine  at  a  luncheon  for  young  girls. 

To  serve  champagne  at  luncheon,  though 
"cup,"  which  is  weaker  than  punch,  may  be 
given. 

To  attempt  to  make  any  distinction  between 
"  lunch  "  and  "  luncheon,"  the  words  having  be- 
come practically  synonymous. 

To  serve  grapefruit  without  removing  the 
seeds.  The  fruit  should  be  cut  in  half,  the 
seeds  removed  from  the  centre,  and  replaced  by 
powdered  sugar,  and  a  little  maraschino  poured 
in.  Other  fruit  should  be  used  when  in  season, 
as  strawberries,  peaches,  or  cantelopes  cut  in 
half,  with  ice  in  the  cavity. 


1 86  S^^e  Coned  Z^im 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  have  tea  and  coffee  served  in  the  dining- 
room,  or  drawing-room  if  preferred. 

To  allow  great  latitude  in  the  bill  of  fare  at  an 
informal  occasion,  —  cold  meats  and  salads, 
oysters  in  various  forms,  croquettes,  French 
chops,  fish,  beefsteak  or  omelette  being  espe- 
cially suitable. 

To  change  the  plates  for  dessert  and  for  each 
course  where  there  are  several  courses. 

At  an  elegant  lunch-party  to  provide  bouquets 
for  all  the  ladies,  placing  them  either  beside 
each  person's  plate,  or  else  grouped  together  so 
as  to  form  a  large  centrepiece.^ 

To  serve  butter  at  luncheon  in  small  balls 
placed  on  individual  butter-plates,  or  to  have  a 
separate  plate  for  the  bread  and  butter,  and  to 
have  the  latter  passed  from  the  sideboard. 

*  It  is  now  more  customary  to  give  one  or  two  flowers 
or  a  bunch  of  violets.  A  rose  with  long  stem,  a  chrys- 
anthemum or  a  few  carnation  pinks  may  be  laid  at  each 
place,  though  the  fashion  of  giving  flowers  in  this  way  is 
on  the  wane. 


(^f  feunc^eon  187 


Is  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

According  to  English  custom,  to  give  tea  or 
coffee  at  lunch. 

To  give  more  than  half  a  grapefruit  or  melon 
to  each  person. 

At  a  private  luncheon  to  place  vegetables  on 
the  table  as  at  dinner. 

For  a  person  to  take  her  leave  before  the 
luncheon  is  over,  and  while  the  guests  are  still 
sitting  at  table.  This  procedure  has  been  called 
—  with  more  wit  than  elegance  —  "To  Grab, 
Gobble,  and  Go."  As  the  duration  of  a  lunch- 
party  is  very  uncertain  however,  a  lady  may 
sometimes  be  compelled  to  leave  early,  espe- 
cially where  she  has  been  invited  to  an  "  informal 
lunch  "  which  proves  to  be  a  formal  one. 

For  a  guest  in  her  zeal  for  trophies  to  carry 
off  cards  or  other  decorations  that  the  other 
ladies  have  omitted  to  take,  or  that  are  not 
intended  for  distribution.^ 

*  It  has  now  ceased  to  be  the  fashion  to  give  favors  at 
luncheons. 


1 88  Cotxeci  Z^im 

It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

According  to  English  custom,  to  have  the  ser- 
vants leave  the  dining-room  at  an  informal 
lunch,  after  helping  the  guests  to  the  joint,  vege- 
tables and  wine,  leaving  the  host  and  hostess  to 
help  to  the  entrees  and  sweets. 

To  provide  each  guest  with  a  boisbonniere  or 
other  pretty  trifle  if  the  hostess  like  to  do  so.^ 

To  use  a  white  cloth,  or  one  richly  ornamented 
with  drawn-work  and  embroidery.  ^ 

To  issue  formal  or  informal  invitations  to 
lunch,  according  to  the  nature  of  the  occasion. 
Usually  such  invitations  are  written  in  the  first 
person,  or  are  given  by  word  of  mouth. 

To  send  word  to  the  hostess  at  once  if  pre 
vented  from  going  to  a  formal  luncheon,  aftei 
having  accepted  the  invitation. 

'  See  note  on  preceding  page. 

*It  is  now  fashionable  to  use  a  polished  mahogany 
table  with  no  cloth,  and  dainty  mats  under  the  dishes. 
(See  ante.)  It  is  now  possible  to  have  a  table  finishe«J 
in  such  a  way  that  hot  dishes  leave  no  mark  upon  it. 


(^f  feunc^eon  189 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

For  guests  to  remain  long  after  luncheon,  as 
the  hostess  may  have  other  engagements. 

At  a  form_al  luncheon,  to  omit  to  provide  each 
person  with  a  silver  knife  for  spreading  butter 
on  the  bread. 

To  serve  chocolate  alone  after  an  elaborate 
luncheon,  owing  to  its  heavy  and  rather  indigest- 
ible character. 

To  introduce  a  novelty  unsuited  to  the  occa- 
sion simply  because  it  is  a  novelty. 

To  use  a  cloth  which  will  not  wash. 

To  delay  in  answering  an  invitation  to  a 
formal  lunch,  thus  incommoding  the  hostess. 

To  stay  away  from  a  formal  luncheon  after 
accepting  an  invitation  to  attend  one. 

To  criticise,  behind  her  back,  the  hostess  who 
has  been  kind  enough  to  entertain  you,  or  to 
find  fault  with  the  entertainment  itself. 


190  Cotnd  €^im 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

For  the  butler  to  wear  dark  morning  costume. 

For  the  guests  to  arrive  punctually. 

For  those  who  wish  to  do  so  to  invite  guests 
to  late  or  French  breakfast  {dejeuner  a  la  four- 
chette)^  which  does  not  differ  materially  from  our 
luncheon,  taking  place  rather  earlier,  however,  — 
say  at  twelve  or  one  o'clock. 

To  have  luncheon  at  one,  or  half-past  one 
o'clock,  and  to  send  out  the  invitations  one  or 
two  weeks  in  advance. 

According  to  recent  fashion,  a  formal  luncheon 
begins  with  fruit  (in  winter,  grapefruit)  followed 
by  clam  broth  with  whipped  cream  on  top,  or 
bouillon.  The  fish  comes  next  —  succeeded  by 
an  entree  if  desired.  French  chops  with  French 
pease  or  string  beans,  or  filet  of  beef  represents 
the  "  solid  course,"  followed  by  salad,  with  birds 
if  desired.  Ices,  candies  and  coffee  compiete 
the  bill  of  fare  unless  fruit  also  is  offered. 


(^f  ^mc^con  191 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

For  the  butler  to  wear  evening  dress  (although 
it  is  often  done). 

For  the  hostess  to  be  disappointed  or  troubled 
if  her  guests  fail  to  do  justice  to  an  elaborate 
lunch,  since  "  dieting "  has  become  so  general 
that  it  bids  fair  to  overthrow  the  elaborate  and 
indigestible  ladies'  lunch. 

To  talk  gossip  or  scandal  at  a  ladies'  luncheon. 


192  <t^e  Comet  ^^ing 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

For  the  parents  and  other  relatives  of  a  young 
man  to  treat  his  fiancee,  with  cordiality. 

For  parents  to  remember  that  they  were  once 
young  themselves,  and  that  those  birds  who  are  not 
allowed  to  mate  in  youth  often  do  not  mate  at  all. 

For  a  young  girl  to  remember  that  the  parents 
of  her  fianck  may  be  very  punctilious  people,  in 
which  case  they  will  certainly  expect  her  to  fol- 
low the  strict  laws  prescribed  by  etiquette  for 
her  behavior. 

For  a  young  lady  to  go  out  to  walk  or  drive  in 
a  quiet  way  after  her  wedding  cards  have  been 
issued.  Formerly  this  would  have  been  thought 
extremely  improper ;  but  public  opinion  is  no 
longer  so  foolishly  rigorous  as  it  was  forty  years 
ago,  when  brides  (that  were  to  be)  went  abroad 
only  after  nightfall.^ 

For  a  young  lady  to  drive  alone  with  her  fiand 
in  frequented  places,  or  on  country  roads  with  a 
groom  or  footman. 

•  See  opposite  page. 


3n  ^amoge  ^  (gngagemenfg  193 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

For  the  parents  of  a  young  woman  to  treat  her 
fiance  as  if  he  were  a  robber  chief  who  intended 
to  break  up  their  family  and  carry  off  the  favorite 
of  the  flock. 

For  the  parents  of  young  people  who  are  en- 
gaged to  allow  the  latter  to  do  exactly  as  they 
please,  without  paying  any  attention  to  the  laws 
laid  down  by  etiquette  for  their  behavior. 

For  a  young  lady  who  wishes  to  adhere  closely 
to  the  laws  of  etiquette  to  accept  any  invitations 
after  her  wedding-cards  have  been  issued.^ 

For  a  young  lady  to  travel  alone  with  her 
fiance^  or  to  stay  at  the  same  hotel  with  him. 

According  to  the  strict  rules  of  etiquette,  for  a 
young  lady  to  go  to  theatres,  concerts  or  parties, 
alone  with  htr  fianci,  or  to  drive  alone  with  him 
in  the  evening,  or  on  unfrequented  roads. 

*  Much  greater  liberty  is  now  allowed  in  this  respect. 
A  few  quiet  days  before  the  bustle  and  excitement  of  the 
wedding  are  certainly  in  good  taste,  and  restful  to  tha 
bride-elect. 


194  Cotmt  t^inq 

It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

For  a  young  lady  to  write  to  all  her  intimate 
friends  and  tell  them  that  her  engagement  will 
be  announced  on  a  certain  near  day,  when  her 
friends  accordingly  call,  or  send  a  congratulatory 
note.' 

To  call  upon  a  young  lady  whose  engagement 
is  just  announced,  and  send  her  flowers,  or  write 
her  a  congratulatory  note.* 

For  a  young  man  to  present  his  fiancee  with  an 
engagement  ring,  the  price  of  which  is  suited 
to  his  worldly  means.  A  diamond  solitaire  ring 
is  usually  preferred  by  young  men  of  wealth. 

For  a  bride  to  write  a  note  expressing  her 
thanks  to  each  person  who  has  sent  her  a  wed- 
ding present.  This  should  be  done  without  per- 
adventure,  either  before  or  after  the  wedding. 

'  Her  mother  should  assist  her  by  writing  similar  notes 
to  the  relatives  and  to  the  older  members  of  the  family 
connection. 

*  It  is  now  the  fashion  to  send  a  eup  and  saucer,  a 
spoon  or  some  pretty  trifle. 


3n  Qttamage :?  (Engagements  195 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  forget  to  write  and  announce  one's  mar- 
riage-engagement to  the  intimate  friends  of  one's 
family,  especially  where  these  are  elderly  peo- 
ple. Deep  offence  is  sometimes  given  by  this 
omission. 

For  young  people  to  keep  their  engagement  a 
secret  from  their  parents. 

For  a  poor  young  man  to  present  his  fiande 
with  a  diamond  or  other  expensive  ring,  thus 
causing  other  people  to  make  remarks  upon  his 
folly  and  extravagance. 

To  ask  the  near  relatives  or  intimate  friends 
of  persons  who  are  reported  to  be  engaged  to  be 
married,  whether  such  report  be  true,  thus  caus- 
ing said  friends  and  relatives  embarrassment, 
and  perhaps  making  them  tell  a  falsehood. 

To  ask  the  family  of  a  young  man  or  woman 
{whether  they  are  pleased  with  his  or  her  engage- 
ment. This  question  is  only  permissible  in  the 
case  of  relatives  or  intimate  friends. 


196  Z^c  Correct  Z^inq 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  congratulate  a  gentleman  upon  his  engage- 
ment after  it  is  formally  announced. 

To  remember  that  premature  congratulations 
and  untimely  jokes  have  frightened  more  than 
one  timid  man  out  of  his  matrimonial  intentions. 

For  a  young  man  to  ask  leave  of  the  young 
lady's  father,  before  paving  his  addresses  to  her, 
or  to  ask  the  latter's  consent,  so  soon  as  he  has 
won  that  of  the  daughter. 

For  a  young  man  to  ask  the  consent  of  the 
mother,  where  the  father  of  his  beloved  is  dead, 
or  living  elsewhere. 

For  the  parents  of  the  groom  to  call  first  on 
the  bride  and  her  family,  and  for  the  two  families 
to  exchange  hospitalities. 

For  friends  and  relatives  to  invite  the  young 
couple  to  dinners  and  other  entertainments. 


3n  (gtamage !?  (Engagements  197 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  fire  off  a  congratulation  at  a  young  lady  as 
if  it  were  a  shot  out  of  a  gun,  showing  more 
anxiety  to  perform  your  task  than  to  spare  the 
feelings  of  the  yoxxng  fiancee,  who  may  not  relish 
being  congratulated  in  such  an  inconsiderate 
manner.  Thus  it  would  not  be  polite  to  con- 
gratulate a  young  lady  across  the  table  at  a  large 
dinner. 

To  use  the  word  "  congratulate  "  or  "  congrat- 
ulations," in  speaking  to  a  young  lady  of  her  en- 
gagement. One  should  however  express  one's 
interest  and  pleasure  in  hearing  the  news,  and 
wish  her  all  possible  happiness. 


198  f^c  Correct  Z^im 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

For  prospective  brides  to  be  moderate  in  their 
demands  upon  the  paternal  purse  for  the  ex- 
penses of  the  trousseau  and  wedding. 

For  the  bride  to  name  the  wedding-day. 

To  have  the  invitations  engraved  on  white 
note-paper  of  the  best  quality. 

To  send  invitations  to  all  the  friends  of  the 
families  of  both  bride  and  groom,  in  the  case  of  a 
large  church-wedding. 

To  invite  only  relatives  and  a  limited  number 
of  friends  to  a  house-wedding  or  wedding-recep 
tion,  or  to  invite  all  one's  acquaintance  if  one's 
house  be  sufficiently  large. 

To  issue  wedding-invitations  in  the  name  of 
the  bride's  father  and  mother ;  the  cards  of  the 
bride  and  groom  elect  are  sometimes  enclosed,  but 
not  as  often  as  they  formerly  were.^ 

To  send  out  supplementary  cards  announcing 
the  marriage,  in  cases  where  only  a  limited  num- 
ber of  persons  have  been  invited  to  the  wedding. 
*  The  bride  and  groom  seldom  send  cards. 


for  a  We^^tng  199 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  celebrate  a  wedding  with  a  parade  and 
show  that  are  out  of  proportion  to  one's  means. 

To  omit  to  invite  any  relative  to  a  wedding, 
"whether  one  be  intimate  with  him  or  not. 

For  friends  to  take  offence  because  they  are 
not  all  invited  to  a  small  house-wedding. 

To  put  "  no  cards  "  in  the  newspaper  announce- 
ment of  a  wedding. 

For  a  bride  to  overtask  her  strength  in  prepar- 
ing the  various  articles  of  her  trousseau,  or  for 
her  to  overweary  herself  by  innumerable  shop- 
ping expeditions  and  long  visits  to  the  dress- 
maker and  milliner.  Many  a  bride  comes  to 
the  aliar  looking  thin,  pale  and  miserable  from 
these  causes.  —  thus  destroying  the  very  object 
that  she  has  in  view ;  namely,  that  of  looking  her 
prettiest  as  a  bride. 

To  use  the  form  "  Lieutenant  Jones."  Lieu- 
tenants and  officers  of  lower  rank  are  designated 
as  "Mr,"  the  rank  being  given  beneath  the 
name. 


200  ^^e  Cotuci  t^irxQ 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

For  the  bridegroom's  family  to  make  out  a  list 
of  the  persons  whom  they  wish  to  have  invited. 

The  usual  form  of  invitation  is  as  follows: 
Mr.  and  Mrs.  John  Smith  request  the  honor  of 
—  's  presence  (at  a  home  wedding,  the  pleas- 
ure of  's  company)  at  the  marriage  of  their 

daughter  Susan  Ames,  to  Mr.  Timothy  Jones,  on 
Wednesday,  April  the  eighth,  at  twelve  o'clock, 
at  St.  Peter's  Church,  Brookfield. 

For  the  bridegroom  to  pay  the  clergyman's  fee 
and  provide  the  wedding-ring  and  the  bride's 
bouquet,  also  a  wedding  present  for  the  bride. ^ 

For  the  bridegroom  to  give  scarf-pins  or  other  \ 
little  gifts  to  the  ushers,  and  for  the  bride  to 
give  bouquets  or  some  little  trinkets  to  the 
bridesmaids.  The  bridegroom  sometimes  gives 
the  presents  to  the  latter,  or  the  bride  may,  if  she 
please,  provide  the  presents  for  the  ushers.* 

'  See  also  note  on  page  206. 

•  The  groom  may  also  send  gloves  and  a  tie  to  each  usher, 
and  to  his  best  man,  and  bouquets  to  the  bridesmaids. 


Sot  a  We^^mg  201 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  use  militia  or  complimentary  titles  in  a 
wedding  invitation. 

To  tie  up  wedding-cards  with  white  ribbon,  — 
this  custom  having  gone  out  of  fashion. 

To  use  "  Miss  "  before  the  bride's  name,  in  the 
invitation  to  the  wedding,  or  to  omit  "  Mr."  before 
that  of  the  groom,  unless  it  be  replaced  by  Doctor, 
Reverend,  Captain  for  an  officer  in  the  regular 
army  or  navy),  or  whatever  his  title  may  be. 

For  the  bridegroom  or  best  man  to  forget  to 
fee  the  officiating  clergyman.  The  fee  which 
the  law  awards  the  latter  for  performing  the 
marriage-ceremony  is  a  very  small  one ;  custom 
has  therefore  decreed  that  the  bridegroom  shall 
pay  to  the  clergyman  a  sum  of  money  propor- 
tionate to  his  means.  This  may  vary  from  five 
to  one  hundred  dollars. 

In  Massachusetts  and  some  other  States,  for 
the  bridegroom  to  forget  to  obtain  a  wedding- 
license  in  due  season,  since  he  cannot  be  mar- 
ried without  one. 


202  Cotmf  t^irxQ 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

For  the  family  of  the  bride  to  pay  for  the  wed- 
ding-cards, the  bride's  trousseau,  and  the  ex- 
penses of  the  wedding  and  reception. 

To  answer  an  invitation  to  "  a  sit-down  "  wed- 
ding-breakfast or  to  a  small  house-wedding. 

For  those  who  live  at  a  distance,  or  who  for 
any  reason  are  not  able  to  attend  a  wedding, 
to  enclose  their  cards  to  the  bride's  father  and 
mother,  or  the  person  in  whose  name  the  invita- 
tions are  given,  sending  them  so  that  they  will 
arrive  on  the  wedding-day. 

Where  there  is  to  be  a  reception  after  a  church- 
wedding,  to  enclose  cards  for  the  reception  in 
the  same  envelope  with  those  for  the  church. 

To  have  from  two  to  six  or  eight  bridesmaids, 
chosen  from  the  near  relatives  of  the  bride  and 
groom,  and  from  the  bride's  intimate  friends. 
A  maid  of  honor  is  now  a  feature  in  wedding 
processions.  Except  in  name  however  and  in 
the  fact  that  she  walks  alone,  a  maid  of  honor 
is  virtually  a  first  bridesmaid. 


Sot  a  n2?e^bmg  203 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 


To  send  answers  to  invitations  to  a  church- 
wedding  or  to  a  large  wedding-reception  where 
no  answer  is  requested. 

To  send  an  answer  to  a  wedding-invitation  to 
the  bride  or  to  the  bridegroom's  family  because 
one  does  not  happen  to  know  those  persons  in 
whose  name  the  invitation  is  sent. 

To  feel  hurt  because  one  is  not  invited  to  a 
wedding-reception  if  one  have  received  cards  for 
the  ceremony  in  the  church,  or  if  one  receive 
supplementary  cards  announcing  the  marriage. 

For  a  married  woman  to  act  as  bridesmaid. 

To  have  the  bridesmaids  follow  the  bride. 

According  to  the  present  fashion,  to  have 
groomsmen  at  a  wedding. 

To  use  wedding-bells,  or  other  stiif  floral 
decorations. 


204  Cottuf  t^iuQ 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

For  the  bridesmaids  to  wear  white  or  light  col- 
ors and  hats,  at  morning  or  afternoon  weddings, 
their  costume  being  decided  upon  by  the  bride. 

For  the  best  man  to  accompany  the  bride- 
groom to  the  church,  to  stand  at  his  right  hand, 
and  a  little  behind  him  during  the  ceremony, 
administering  moral  support  if  necessary,  to 
hold  his  hat,  fee  the  clergyman,  and  assist  the 
ushers  in  presenting  guests  at  the  wedding- 
reception.' 

For  the  bridegroom  and  all  the  gentlemen  at  a 
morning  wedding  to  wear  morning  dress.^ 

*  The  hat  is  now  often  left  in  the  vestry.  The  best 
man  takes  care  of  the  wedding-ring,  producing  it  at  the 
proper  moment  in  the  marriage  service.  He  also  is  at 
the  bridegroom's  right  hand  on  the  day  of  the  ceremony, 
assisting  him  to  make  all  necessary  arrangements,  and 
relieving  him  of  care,  so  far  as  possible. 

*That  is  to  say,  formal  morning  dress,  called  by  some 
authorities  afternoon  dress.  It  consists  of  frock  coat 
with  waistcoat  to  match  (or  of  white  duck  if  preferred), 
dark-striped  trousers,  four-in-hand  or  Ascot  tie  of  white  or 
pearl-colored  silk,  and  patent  leather  shoes.    At  an  even- 


Sot  a  We^^ing  205 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  have  the  bridesmaids  dressed  in  sombre 
colors  or  heavy  materials. 

For  the  best  man  to  drive  away  from  the 
church  in  the  carriage  with  the  bride  and  groom. 


For  a  bridegroom  to  wear  evening  dress  at  a 
morning  or  afternoon  wedding. 

For  a  bridegroom  to  wear  morning  dress  (that 
is,  frock  or  cutaway  coat)  at  an  evening  wedding. 

For  a  bridegroom  to  wear  a  white  lawn  neck- 
tie at  a  morning  wedding. 

For  the  bride  and  bridegroom  to  drive  to 
church  in  the  same  carriage. 

ing  wedding,  the  groom,  best  man  and  ushers,  all  wear 
evening  dress  —  that  is,  swaliow-tailed  coat,  low-cut  waist- 
coat (to  match  coat  and  trousers,  or  of  white  duck),  and 
narrow  white  lawn  tie. 


t 

206  Correct  Z^im 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

For  the  bridegroom  to  drive  to  church  with 
his  best  man,  and  wait  for  the  bride  at  the  altar/ 

For  the  ushers  to  be  at  church  in  good  season, 
and  for  them  to  place  a  ribbon  or  a  rope  of 
flowers  across  the  church  in  such  a  way  as  to 
reserve  plenty  of  room  for  the  invited  guests.^ 

For  the  ushers  to  escort  the  wedding-guests  to 
their  seats,  placing  the  relatives  of  the  groom  on 
the  right  of  the  altar,  —  that  is,  next  the  bride- 
groom, —  and  those  of  the  bride  on  the  left,  the 
near  relatives  sitting  in  the  seats  nearest  to  the 
altar.  Guests  may,  if  they  prefer,  seat  them- 
selves, without  waiting  for  the  ushers,  provided 
they  do  not  take  seats  reserved  for  other 
persons. 

*  The  groom  provides  this  carriage,  in  which  the  best 
man  may  drive  to  the  bride's  house  for  the  reception,  the 
groom  going  with  the  bride.  The  groom  also  provides 
the  carriage  in  which  the  bridal  pair  start  for  their  honey- 
moon, after  the  reception. 

*  This  dividing  ribbon  is  not  used  so  much  as  formerly, 
as  it  makes  a  somewhat  invidious  distinction. 


Sor  a  *^e^^mg  207 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

According  to  the  present  fashion,  for  the 
bride's  mother  or  any  lady,  save  those  of  the 
wedding  procession,  to  go  to  a  church  wedding 
in  the  morning  or  afternoon,  without  a  hat  or 
bonnet.  The  guests  should  wear  reception- 
dress. 

For  persons  who  are  not  invited  guests  to 
press  forward  at  a  church  wedding  and  take  the 
seats  that  have  been  reserved  for  the  friends  of 
the  bridal  party. 


For  the  ushers  to  allow  invited  guests  or  other 
person?-  to  take  seats  net  intended  for  their  use. 


2o8  Z^t  Coxtect 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

At  a  church-wedding,  for  the  ushers  to  ask 
guests  whether  they  are  relatives,  and  if  so, 
whether  of  the  bride  or  groom. 

For  the  mother  of  the  bride  to  come  in  shortly 
before  the  bridal  cortege,  escorted  by  some  near 
relative  or  one  of  the  ushers,  and  take  her  seat 
in  the  front  pew. 

When  the  wedding  procession  enters  the 
church,  to  have  the  ushers  go  up  the  aisle  in 
pairs,  followed  by  the  bridesmaids  in  pairs.  The 
bride  comes  last,  leaning  on  the  right  arm  of  her 
father  or  nearest  and  eldest  male  relative. 

For  the  procession  to  divide  when  it  reaches 
the  altar,  half  the  ushers  and  bridesmaids  turn- 
ing to  the  right,  and  the  other  half  to  the  left. 

To  have  the  maid  of  honor  walk  alone,  after 
the  bridesmaids  but  before  the  bride.  Her  dress 
is  usually  unlike  that  of  the  bridesmaids. 

For  the  bridegroom  to  advance  when  the  bride 
has  come  near  to  the  altar,  and  lead  her  before 
it,  taking  her  right  hand. 


Sot  a  OiJeb^ing  209 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 


For  the  mother  of  the  bride  to  form  a  part  of 
the  bridal  cortege.^ 

To  have  the  wedding  procession  go  up  the 
aisle  of  the  church  in  a  straggling  manner,  some 
of  the  couples  walking  fast  and  others  going 
slowly. 

To  have  them  proceed  so  slowly  as  to  suggest 
a  funeral  march. 


Widows  now  sometimes  give  away  their  daughters. 


2IO  Comcf  ^^tng 


It  is  tli9  Correct  Thing 

According  to  the  new  custom,  for  the  father 
to  "  give  away  the  bride "  by  bowing  at  the 
proper  time  in  the  service/ 

For  the  father  to  stand  a  Uttle  behind  the 
bride,  and  take  his  seat  beside  the  bride's 
mother  after  he  has  performed  his  part  of  the 
service. 

For  the  first  bridesmaid  or  the  maid  of  honor, 
to  stand  near  the  bride,  hold  her  bouquet  dup 
mg  the  ceremony,  and  assist  her  if  necessary,  in 
removing  her  left  glove,  —  although  it  is  now 
usual  for  brides  to  have  the  ring-finger  of  the 
glove  cut  off,  so  that  it  can  be  readily  removed 
without  taking  off  the  whole  glove. 

For  the  bridal  couple  to  go  down  the  aisle 
first,  the  bride  taking  the  groom's  right  arm. 
They  then  leave  the  church  immediately,  and 
drive  away  together, 

'  Or  he  may  come  forward  and  place  the  bride's  hanc^ 
m.  that  of  the  bridegroom  or  of  the  clergyman. 


Sot  a  Web^>mof  211 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

For  the  bride  to  be  late  in  arriving  at  the 
church. 

For  the  clergyman  to  kiss  the  bride,  —  al- 
though it  was  formerly  customary  for  him  to 
do  so. 

For  the  bridegroom  to  provide  a  wedding-ring 
that  is  so  large  as  to  look  vulgar. 

For  the  bridegroom  to  forget  to  provide  the 
ring,  or  to  drop  it  on  the  floor. 

For  the  bride  to  bow  and  smile,  or  look  at 
people,  as  she  enters  or  leaves  the  church. 

For  the  bride  to  wear  a  decollete  costume  at  a 
wedding  in  a  Roman  Catholic  church.^ 


*  It  is  now  the  custom  for  brides  to  wear  high-necked 

and  long-sleeved  gowns.  Decollete  dresses  are  no  longer 
seen,  unless  occasionally  at  an  evening  wedding. 


212         ^^e  Comet  t^xtiQ 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

For  the  rest  of  the  bridal  procession  to  leave 
the  church  in  the  inverse  order  from  that  in 
which  they  entered  it. 

At  the  conclusion  of  the  marriage  service,  for 
the  maid  of  honor  or  first  bridesmaid  to  remove 
the  veil  from  the  bride's  face,  (a  separate  piece 
of  tulle,  easily  detachable,  is  generally  used  for 
this  purpose)^  and  to  arrange  the  bride's  train,  as 
she  turns  to  leave  the  altar. 

For  half  the  bridesmaids  to  stand  near  the 
bride,  and  the  other  half  near  the  groom,  at  a 
wedding-reception.  ^ 

For  the  ushers  to  remain  near  the  door  of  the 
drawing-room  at  a  wedding-reception,  escorting 
the  guests  as  fast  as  they  arrive,  to  the  bridal 
party,  presenting  them  by  name  to  the  bride  and 
groom,  and  then  to  the  parents.  Or  the  guests 
may  walk  in  by  themselves  if  they  prefer  to 
do  so. 


'  Or  they  may  all  stand  together. 


Sot  a  We^^tng  213 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

For  the  bride  to  scold  the  spectators  in  or 
around  the  entrance  of  the  church,  even  should 
they  be  so  thoughtless  as  to  crowd  about  her  in 
a  disagreeable  manner. 

For  the  father  to  say  aloud  "  Her  father  "  when 
asked  who  gives  the  bride  away,  —  or  for  him  to 
bow  in  an  exaggerated  way. 

For  the  guests  to  leave  the  pews  before  the 
families  of  the  bride  and  bridegroom  have  passed 
down  the  aisle.  White  satin  ribbons  are  often 
stretched  down  the  aisle,  to  act  as  barriers,  be- 
fore the  entrance  of  the  bridal  party.  They  are 
removed  after  the  bridal  cortege  and  the  families 
of  the  bride  and  groom  have  passed  out. 


214  Cotuct  Z^in^ 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

For  the  ushers  to  see  that  all  the  ladies  are 
provided  with  refreshments. 

For  the  bride  to  retire  from  the  reception  after 
an  hour  and  a  iialf  or  more,  and  put  on  her  trav- 
elling-dress, intimate  friends  and  relatives  re- 
maining to  see  her  departure. 

For  a  bride  to  dance  a  square  dance,  if  she 
wish  to  do  so,  at  her  own  wedding,  although 
usually  she  does  not  dance  at  all. 

To  exhibit  the  presents  privately  to  intimate 
friends  before  or  after  the  wedding.' 

For  the  friends  of  the  groom  to  give  presents  to 
him  as  well  as  to  the  bride,  if  they  wish  to  do  so. 

To  give  articles  of  silver  or  jewelry,  pictures, 
fine  engravings,  bric-k-brac,  handsome  lamps, 
books,  china  or  glass  ware,  or  other  articles  of 
ornament  or  use  to  a  bride,  marked  (if  at  all) 
with  her  maiden  name  or  initials. 

'  It  is  now  usual  to  show  the  presents  at  the  time  of 
the  wedding,  in  an  up-stairs  room,  or  one  somewhat  apart 
from  the  rooms  where  the  guests  are  received. 


Sor  a  ^c^Un^  215 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

For  enthusiastic  friends  to  throw  old  shoes 
with  such  force  as  to  break  the  carriage  windows 
or  frighten  the  horses. 

According  to  the  present  fashion,  to  dance  at 
a  wedding,  though  occasionally  there  is  dancing 
at  an  evening  wedding. 

For  a  bride  to  dance  waltzes  or  other  round 
dances,  or  to  dance  much  at  her  own  wedding. 

To  make  the  departure  of  the  bridal  pair  an  ex- 
cuse for  rowdyism,  the  ringing  of  bells  and  the  like. 

In  the  opinion  of  some  persons,  to  exhibit  the 
wedding-presents  on  the  day  of  the  marriage; 
because  this  custom  leads  to  an  ostentatious  dis- 
play of  wealth  and  a  rivalry  in  the  purchase  of 
expensive  gifts  which  threaten  to  vulgarize  the 
sending  of  wedding-presents,  and  to  change  into 
a  mere  mercenary  matter  that  which  should  be 
an  affair  of  real  sentiment.' 

In  the  opinion  of  some  persons,  to  leave  cards 
on  wedding  presents,  when  they  are  displayed. 

*  See  note  on  opposite  page. 


2i6  Comet  $9mg 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  remember  that  articles  of  the  giver's  own 
handiwork  are  appropriate  and  acceptable  wed- 
ding-gifts, however  simple  they  may  be,  since 
they  show  a  real  sentiment. 

To  be  married  in  the  morning  rather  than  the 
evening,  although  some  persons  still  prefer  the 
latter. » 

To  have  the  boxes  of  wedding-cake  piled  on  a 
table  at  the  reception,  that  each  guest  may  take 
a  box  away  with  him.  Or  a  servant  may  stand 
at  the  door,  and  hand  a  box  to  each  person  as  he 
departs. 

At  a  house-wedding  for  the  clergyman  to  enter 
first  and  face  the  company,  the  bridal  pair  enter- 
ing together  and  facing  him.  After  the  cere- 
mony is  over,  the  clergyman  retires,  and  the 
bridal  couple  turn  round  in  their  places  and  re- 
ceive their  friends,  near  relatives  and  very  dear 
friends  kissing  the  bride. 

*  Many  weddings  now  take  place  in  the  afternoon. 


Sot  a  We^^ing  217 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  give  presents  to  the  groom  instead  of  to 
the  bride. 

To  have  wedding-presents  marked  with  the 
bride's  future  name  or  initials,  as  this  is  consid- 
ered unlucky. 

To  send  out  boxes  of  wedding-cake  to  all  one's 
acquaintance. 

For  a  guest  at  a  reception  to  take  more  than 
one  box  of  cake,  unless  requested  10  do  so. 


According  to  modern  custom  for  the  guests  in 
general  to  kiss  the  bride. 


2i8  t^t  Comet  t^irxQ 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

For  a  bride  to  be  married  in  travelling-dress 
and  to  omit  the  reception  if  she  wish,  inviting  all 
her  friends  or  only  a  very  few  persons  to  the 
church. 

According  to  recent  fashion,  the  bridegroom 
may  have  a  best  man  at  a  house-wedding.  They 
take  their  places  on  the  left  of  the  clergyman. 
An  aisle  is  marked  off  with  white  satin  ribbon, 
usually  by  the  ushers.  The  ushers  then  head 
the  bridal  cortege,  followed  in  some  cases  by 
one  bridesmaid  or  by  several  bridesmaidens,  the 
bride  entering  last  with  her  father. 

For  a  widow  to  wear  a  light-colored  silk  or  a 
travelling-dress  and  bonnet  on  the  occasion  of 
her  second  marriage. 

For  the  bride  to  drop  her  middle  name  and 
retain  her  family  name  in  its  place,  if  she  wish  to 
do  so. 

For  those  who  have  been  invited  to  a  wedding, 
to  entertain  the  bridal  pair  in  the  course  of  the 
ensuing  season. 


Sor  a  We^^ing  219 


It  is  not  tlie  Correct  Thing 

For  the  guests  to  drink  too  much  wine  at  a 
wedding  reception,  as  young  men,  and  perhaps 
others,  sometimes  do. 

To  make  a  house-wedding  as  formal  as  one 
that  takes  place  at  church.  Best  man  and 
bridesmaids  do  not  often  appear  at  the  former. 


For  a  widow  to  continue  to  wear  her  first  wed- 
ding-ring after  her  second  marriage. 

For  a  widow  to  wear  a  bridal  veil,  orange- 
blossoms  or  white  attire  at  her  second  wedding. 

To  expect  that  newly  married  people  will 
entertain  extensively  or  expensively. 

For  a  bride  to  wear  her  bridal  veil  or  orange- 
blossoms  on  any  occasion  subsequent  to  her 
marriage. 


220  Correct  ^$mg 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

For  a  young  married  couple  to  hold  one  or 
two  receptions  after  the  marriage,  or  for  the 
bride  to  issue  cards  for  one  or  more  afternoon 
teas,  or  for  the  parents  of  the  bride  or  groom  to 
give  a  reception  in  honor  of  the  young  couple. 

For  those  who  choose  to  do  so,  to  omit  the 
wedding-tour  and  to  make  the  retirement  of  the 
honeymoon  extremely  short. ^ 

To  word  the  announcement  of  a  marriage  in 
this  way :  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Thomas  Newcome  an- 
nounce^ the  marriage  of  their  daughter  Mary 
Louisa  to  Mr.  Timothy  Titcomb,  on  Friday 
morning,  October  eighteenth,  at  Trinity  Church, 
New  York. 

*  It  is  now  fashionable  to  spend  the  honeymoon  at  the. 
country-house  of  a  friend,  the  latter  being  of  course  absent. 

*  Or  better,  "  have  the  honor  to  announce." 


Sot  a  Webbing  221 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  neglect  to  send  cards  in  acknowledgment 
of  the  receipt  of  a  wedding-announcement.  To 
neglect  to  call  upon  the  bride  and  her  parents, 
when  one  has  been  invited  to  the  wedding. 

For  a  woman  who  believes  herself  a  man's 
equal,  to  promise  to  obey  him,  as  if  she  were  a 
child  or  an  inferior. 

For  a  bride  to  neglect  to  return  promptly  the 
calls  made  upon  her,  especially  where  she  is 
living  among  those  who  are  strangers  to  her. 

To  word  the  announcement  of  a  marriage  like 
1.  wedding-notice  in  a  newspaper. 


2  22  Cotuct  t^inQ 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  wear  a  costume  appropriate  to  the  occa- 
sion. 

To  make  the  expenditure  for  one's  clothing 
proportionate  to  one's  income. 
To  dress  becomingly. 

To  avoid  wearing  showy  or  striking  costumes, 
especially  in  the  street. 

To  dress  in  such  a  way  that  the  clothes  appear 
of  less  consequence  than  the  wearer. 

To  remember  that  a  dress  which  is  intended 
to  do  long  and  constant  service  should  be  of  a 
color  that  does  not  soil  readily,  and  should  be 
made  plainly.  Elaborate  trimmings  soon  become 
shabby. 

To  remember  that  it  is  far  more  desirable  to 
have  a  dress  made  to  fit  the  figure  of  the  wearer, 
and  the  draperies  made  to  hang  in  a  graceful 
manner,  than  to  have  elaborate  trimmings  upon 
one's  gown. 

To  remember  that  each  material  has  its  own 
appropriate  and  proper  style. 


3n  (giafters  of  ©tress  223 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  appear  in  a  costume  which  is  more  or  less 
handsome  than  the  occasion  warrants.  To  do 
the  former  seems  to  show  an  undue  vanity ;  to 
do  the  latter  implies  a  lack  of  respect  for  the 
hostess  and  her  guests. 

To  carry  all  one's  worldly  possessions  on  one's 
back,  like  a  snail.  No  one  who  dresses  more 
expensively  than  he  can  afford  is  respected  for 
doing  so. 


To  imitate  the  style  and  make-up  of  a  Worth 
costume  in  a  home-made  calico  dress.  The 
style  which  is  appropriate  to  a  silk  dress  is  not 
usually  suitable  for  a  cheap  material. 

To  put  handsome  and  expensive  trimmings  on 
a  cheap  material. 


2  24  Cottut  Z^inc^ 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  remember  that  it  is  for  the  interest  of  the 
dressmaker  to  make  a  costume  as  elaborate  as 
possible,  and  for  the  interest  of  the  client  to 
prune  the  exuberant  fancy  of  the  tailor. 

To  remember  that  a  woman  who  is  pinched  in 
at  the  waist  with  tight  corsets,  throttled  around 
the  neck  with  a  tight  collar,  and  cramped  as  to 
her  feet  with  tight,  high-heeled  shoes,  will  walk 
about  as  gracefully  as  a  swan  on  a  turnpike- 
road. 

For  every  woman  who  can  afford  it  to  have 
a  full-length  mirror,  in  which  she  can  see  her 
whole  figure  at  once. 

To  consider  carefully  what  colors,  styles  and 
materials  are  suitable  and  becoming  to  the  figure, 
height,  age  and  complexion  of  the  person  who  is 
to  wear  them. 

To  remember  that  a  person  who  has  not  a 
good  figure  should  endeavor  to  dress  in  such 
a  way  as  to  soften  its  defects  rather  than  to  dis- 
play them. 


3n  (gtaffet0  of  ®ife0fif  225 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  be  the  blind  slave  of  any  dressmaker  or 
tailor. 

To  endeavor  to  make  over  the  human  form 
divine  into  a  poor  imitation  of  a  very  inferior 
animal,  —  the  wasp. 

To  sacrifice  ease,  comfort,  health  and  beauty 
to  the  momentary  demand  of  an  ugly  and  unbe- 
coming fashion. 

To  study  the  effect  of  a  costume  in  front  only, 
forgetting  to  take  into  consideration  the  side  and 
rear  views  of  the  same. 

For  a  tall  woman  to  copy  the  dress  of  a  short 
one,  a  fat  woman  that  of  a  thin  one,  a  pale 
woman  that  of  a  florid  one,  —  in  a  word,  for  any 
person  thoughtlessly  to  imitate  the  dress  of 
another,  the  style  of  which  may  be  wholly  un- 
suited  to  the  imitator. 

For  women  with  arms  like  drum-sticks  to  wear 
skin-tight  sleeves. 


226  t^t  Correct  t^in^ 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  remember  that  grace  is  more  pleasing  than 
beauty. 

To  remember  that  a  very  tall  woman  should 
wear  a  long,  plain  skirt,  especially  if  she  have  a 
short  waist.  The  lines  of  the  skirt  should  be 
broken  by  trimming  in  order  to  make  them 
appear  shorter,  wherever  the  tyranny  of  fashion 
permits. 

For  a  short  woman  to  make  the  lines  of  the 
skirt  as  long  as  possible.  To  produce  this  effect 
the  trimming  should  be  placed  up  and  down  the 
breadths  instead  of  across  them,  or  put  near 
the  bottom  of  the  dress.  A  short  person  should 
also  avoid  basques,  except  very  short  ones. 

For  a  very  stout  person  to  wear  dark  colors 
(which  make  one  look  smaller),  and  fine,  closely 
woven  materials. 

To  dress  in  a  style  suited  to  one's  age. 

To  remember  that  good,  well-fitting  gloves  and 
shoes,  and  a  fresh  hat  or  bonnet,  are  very  im- 
portant items  in  one's  costume. 


3n  (glatfeifs  of  ©tress  227 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

For  people  with  ugly,  angular  and  high-shoul- 
dered or  very  stout  figures  to  display  them  with- 
out any  effort  at  softening  or  concealment. 

For  a  very  tall,  slender  woman  to  wear  a 
broad,  flaring  round  hat,  or  a  very  high  hat. 

For  a  short  woman  to  wear  much  trimming  on 
a  skirt,  thus  making  her  height  appear  less  than 
it  really  is. 

For  a  small  person  to  wear  large  plaids  or 
broad  stripes. 

For  a  tall  woman  to  wear  a  short  dress. 

For  a  short-waisted  woman  to  wear  a  belt. 

For  a  very  stout  person  to  wear  loose  rough 
cloth,  which  makes  the  wearer  look  larger  than 
she  really  is. 


To  wear  boots,  gloves  or  any  garment  from 
which  one  or  more  buttons  are  missing. 


228  ^^e  Correct  Z^iriQ 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  take  off  one's  gloves  at  a  dinner,  luncheon 
or  breakfast  party,  or  at  any  "  sit-down  "  meal. 

To  wear  garments  that  harmonize  with  one 
another  in  color  and  style,  as  well  as  in  quality. 

To  remember  that  a  person's  age  is  shown  by 
the  lines  about  the  throat  and  neck,  and  that 
bonnets  with  strings  fastening  under  the  chin 
are  therefore  more  becoming  to  middle-aged  or 
elderly  women  than  round  hats  or  stringless 
bonnets,  although  at  the  present  moment, 
strings  are  out  of  fashion. 

For  middle-aged  or  elderly  women  to  wear 
soft  and  becoming  colors,  and  to  remember  that 
while  beauty  may  be  denied  to  them,  they  should 
nevertheless  be  able  to  present  a  tasteful,  and 
harmonious  and  therefore  agreeable  appearance. 

To  use  white  face-powder  with  a  very  sparing 
hand,  if  one  be  minded  to  do  so.  Many  people 
do  not  approve  of  the  use  of  powder,  but  it  is 
not  thought  to  be  in  "  bad  form,"  like  the  use  of 
rouge. 


3n  (gaffers  of  ®res0  229 

It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  take  off  one's  gloves  at  a  ball-supper^ 
afternoon  tea  or  at  any  "  stand-up  "  collation. 

To  wear  a  very  handsome  and  expensive 
bonnet  with  a  cheap  dress  or  mantle. 

To  wear  when  one  is  forty  years  of  age  the 
colors  which  were  becoming  at  sixteen,  forget- 
ting that  the  tints  of  the  complexion  necessarily 
change  as  one  grows  older. 


For  middle-aged  or  elderly  women  to  suppose 
that  no  one  cares  how  they  look,  and  to  cease  to 
pay  any  attention  to  the  aesthetics  of  dress. 


To  use  hair-oil  of  any  description. 

To  dye  the  hair  of  a  golden  or  any  other  color, 
or  to  use  red,  black  or  white  paint, 
u  To  dress  in  a  loud,  fast  or  flashy  style. 


230  Z^^  Correct  Z^im 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  use  a  very  little  perfume  of  the  best 
quality,  if  one  desire  to  do  so. 

For  gentlemen  to  wear  evening-dress  at  a  late 
dinner  and  in  the  evening,  at  home  or  when 
calling. 

For  gentlemen  always  to  wear  a  narrow  tie  of 
white  lawn  or  some  similar  material  with  even- 
ing-dress. 

To  remember  that  clean  linen  covers  a  multi- 
tude of  sins,  and  that  a  linen  collar  should  never 
see  a  second  sun. 

To  remember  that  it  is  now  extremely  fashion- 
able to  have  clean,  soft  and  well-cared-for  hands 
and  nails,  and  to  employ  a  manicure  or  be  one's 
own  manicure. 

To  wear  a  short  skirt  for  shopping  and  gen- 
eral street  wear,  also  for  paying  informal  visits 
in  the  morning. 

To  wear  a  clean,  fresh  shirt-waist,  of  washable 
material,  in  the  morning.  White  is  the  color 
most  in  favor. 


3n  (gXaffers  of  ®res0  231 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  use  a  quantity  of  perfumery. 

For  a  gentleman,  under  any  circumstances,  to 
wear  evening-dress  before  the  hour  for  late 
dinner  (six  o'clock). 

For  a  gentleman  to  wear  white  cravats  or  ties 
in  winter,  except  with  evening-dress.^ 

To  wear  any  clothing  that  is  soiled,  espe- 
cially soiled  collars  or  cuffs.  The  sight  of  these 
is  peculiarly  offensive  to  fastidious  people. 

To  economize  in  the  matter  of  fresh  pocket- 
handkerchiefs. 

'  To  wear  a  "made-up"  white  lawn  string  tie. 
This  is  considered  "  bad  form  "  and  indeed  all 
made-up  ties  are  objected  to  by  those  who  are 
exact  in  matters  of  dress. 

*The  reference  in  the  text  is  to  nan'ow  ties.  White 
silk  four-in-hand  ties  are  worn  with  formal  morning-dress. 


232  Z^t  Comcf  Z^inq 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  wear  a  short  tailor-made  skirt  of  cloth  or 
other  heavy  material,  when  riding  the  bicycle, 
or  playing  golf. 

To  wear,  when  riding  on  horseback,  a  habit 
of  black  or  dark  cloth,  made  very  simply,  and 
much  shorter  than  formerly.  Habit  skirts  are 
now  made  to  fit  the  figure,  and  just  cover  the 
foot  when  the  lady  is  in  the  saddle.  A  derby 
hat  and  riding-boots  or  shoes  complete  the 
costume. 

For  short  and  stout  women  to  eschew  shirt- 
waists, especially  those  of  a  different  color  from 
the  skirt. 

Owing  to  the  frequent  changes  of  fashion,  to 
have  a  comparatively  small  wardrobe,  each  cos- 
tume being  well  selected  and  kept  in  perfect 
repair. 

To  be  dressed  tastefully,  but  in  a  quiet  and 
simple  manner. 

J  For  men  to  wear  in  the  daytime,  where  formal 
dress  is  not  called  for,  informal  morning-dress, 


3n  (glaffets  of  ©tess  233 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  wear  a  bicycle  or  rainy-day  skirt  when 
making  a  formal  call. 

To  wear  an  excessively  short  skirt  at  any  time. 

To  wear  a  long  skirt  in  the  street,  without 
holding  It  up.  One  who  lets  her  dress  sweep 
the  sidewalk  presents  a  very  untidy  and  un- 
pleasant appearance,  and  collects  disease  germs 
as  well. 

To  wear  in  the  street  a  waist  made  of  such  thin 
material  as  to  show  the  neck  and  arms  of  the 
wearer. 

To  wear  ill-fitting,  baggy,  untidy  or  faded 
looking  shirt-waists  at  any  time. 

To  have  the  hair  present  the  appearance  of 
never  having  been  brushed  or  combed. 


234  Covtut  Z^im 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

that  is  to  say,  sack  or  cutaway  coat,  with  waist- 
coat and  trousers  to  match,  black,  tan  or  russet 
shoes  as  preferred,  white  or  colored  shirt,  tie  and 
hat  of  almost  any  style  in  fashion,  save  the  high 
silk  hat.  The  black  cutaway  coat  is  more 
formal,  and  calls  for  striped  trousers,  black 
enamel  or  patent  leather  shoes,  derby  or  silk 
hat.  The  black  cutaway  is  a  convenient  coat, 
and  may  be  worn  to  church.  It  is  not  worn  so 
much  now  as  formerly,  but  is  used  as  a  substi- 
tute for  a  frock  coat,  by  those  who  do  not  pos- 
sess the  latter. 

For  men  to  wear,  on  any  occasion  calling  for 
formal  dress  in  the  daytime  (/.  e.  before  six  or 
seven  o'clock  in  the  evening),  such  as  a  wedding, 
an  afternoon  reception,  at  church,  etc.,  formal 
morning-dress,  or  as  it  is  often  called,  afternoon- 
dress,  namely,  black  frock  coat  and  waistcoat, 
striped  trousers  of  quiet  color,  white  shirt,  silk 
hat,  patent  or  enamelled  leather  shoes,  buttoned  or 
laced,  four-in-hand  or  ascot  tie,  kid  or  dog-skin 


3n  (^^-affers  of  ©tess  235 

It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  wear  a  silk  hat  with  a  sack  coat  or,  in  the 
opinion  of  some  persons,  with  any  tailless  coat, 
such  as  a  Tuxedo. 

To  wear  a  colored  shirt  with  a  frock  coat. 

To  wear  a  bow  or  string  tie  with  a  frock 
coat. 

To  wear  russet  shoes  with  a  frock  coat. 


236  C^e  Comet  ^^ing 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

gloves  of  dark  gray,  tan  or  whatever  color  may  be 
in  fashion.  Evening  shades  should  not  be  worn. 
.  For  men  to  wear  for  late  dinner  and  all  even- 
ing occasions,  evening-dress,  namely,  swallow- 
tail coat,  with  trousers  and  low-cut  waistcoat  of 
the  same  material,  narrow  white  lawn  tie 
("  string  "  tie),  white  dress  shirt,  black  silk  stock- 
ings and  patent  leather  shoes,  button  or  Con- 
gress, or  pumps.  The  Tuxedo  tailless  dinner- 
coat  or  dinner-jacket,  is  much  used  as  a  sub- 
stitute for  the  swallow-tail,  for  informal  occasions 
in  the  evening,  /.  e.  for  men's  dinners,  the  theatre 
(save  at  a  theatre  party),  informal  dinners  at  the 
house  of  a  friend,  on  Sunday  evening,  etc.  A 
white  shirt,  narrow  black  silk  tie,  trousers  and 
low-cut  waist-coat  of  the  same  material  as  the 
coat,  go  with  it,  also  patent  leather  shoes. 


3n  (Staffers  of  ©ress  237 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

_  For  men  to  wear  white  gloves  in  the  daytime, 
unless  possibly  at  a  wedding. 

For  an  usher  at  a  wedding  in  the  daytime  to 
wear  any  other  coat  than  a  frock  coat,  except 
on  a  very  informal  occasion. 


238  Z^e  Comet  Z^irxQ 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  return  the  salutations  of  all  who  greet  you, 
servants  and  tradespeople  included. 

To  move  the  whole  head  and  not  the  eyebrows 
alone,  when  making  a  bow. 

To  bow  in  a  courteous  as  well  as  decided 
manner. 

To  bow  respectfully  to  an  elder  or  a  superior. 

To  bow  once  only  to  the  same  person  on  a 
public  drive  or  promenade  where  people  con- 
stantly pass  and  repass  each  other. 

To  keep  to  the  right,  as  the  law  directs. 

To  refrain  from  staring  at  the  passers-by, 
good-looking  or  the  reverse. 

When  in  doubt  to  apply  to  a  policeman  for 
any  necessary  directions. 

For  a  gentleman  to  turn  aside  for  a  lady  whom 
he  meets  when  crossing,  etc.,  and  for  a  younger 
person  to  give  the  path  to  an  older  one.* 

*  This  custom,  almost  universal  in  America,  does  not 
prevail  to  the  same  extent  on  the  continent  of  Europe.  A 
German  officer  yields  to  no  one,  it  is  said. 


3n  f^e  ^freef 


239 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  "  cut "  any  person,  unless  for  very  grave 
causes. 

To  nod  in  a  familiar  manner,  unless  it  be  to 
an  intimate  friend/ 

To  turn  and  look  after  any  one  who  has 
passed  by. 

To  obstruct  the  sidewalk  by  standing  and 
talking  in  the  middle  of  it. 

To  gaze  up  into  the  sky  or  down  into  the 
gutter,  and  in  consequence,  run  against  other 
pedestrians. 

To  carry  a  cane,  umbrella  or  other  object  so 
that  it  will  rest  in  the  small  of  your  neighbor's 
back. 

To  call  to  another  person  on  the  opposite  side 
of  the  street. 

To  be  dressed  in  a  showy  manner  or  in  a  way 
calculated  to  attract  special  attention. 

To  talk  or  laugh  loud. 

*  There  is  at  the  present  time  a  regrettable  tendency 
to  substitute  the  nod  for  the  bow. 


240  2^5e  Correct  Z9^nq 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

For  a  gentleman  walking  with  a  lady  to  fal^ 
back  on  meeting  another  gentleman  with  a  lady 
where  there  is  not  room  enough  for  all  four  to- 
pass  abreast.  Parties  of  ladies  meeting  eacb 
otner  should  follow  the  same  rule. 


3n  f^e  ^ttcd  241 

It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

For  three  or  four  persons  to  walk  abreast  in 
a  crowded  street,  thus  inconveniencing  other 
people. 

To  eat  candy,  peanuts  or  anything  else. 

To  wear  much  jewelry.  A  lady  should  wear 
neither  bracelet  nor  necklace  when  walking  in 
the  street. 

To  crowd  those  whom  you  meet  off  the  curb- 
stone or  in  a  rural  locality,  off  the  plank-walk 
or  flagstone  on  to  the  unpaved  part  of  the  walk. 

For  the  young  college  athlete  to  be  so  jealous 
of  his  right  to  a  certain  share  of  the  sidewalk  as  to 
bump  against  the  men  who  refuse  to  turn  out,  or 
to  give  them  a  "  shoulder-lift "  in  football  style. 


242  Covtect  Z^im 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 
For  a  Lady 

To  take  a  gentleman's  arm  in  the  evening  un- 
less her  hands  should  be  fully  occupied  with  her 
muff,  or  in  holding  up  her  dress. 

To  bow  first  to  a  gentleman. 

Where  two  ladies  are  under  the  escort  of  one 
gentleman,  for  one  of  them  only  to  take  his  arm, 
tne  other  lady  walking  by  her  side. 


3n  f^e  ^fteef  243 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

For  a  Lady 

To  wear  a  breastpin  on  a  coat  or  other  outside 
garment. 

To  take  a  gentleman's  arm  in  the  daytime, 
unless  it  be  in  a  crowded  thoroughfare,  on  a 

slippery  pavement,  or  under  any  other  circum- 
stances where  it  may  be  necessary  for  protection 
or  support. 

For  two  ladies  to  take  each  an  arm  of  the  same 
gentleman. 

For  one  lady  to  take  the  arms  of  two  gentle- 
m'^n,  unless  she  be  learning  to  skate. 


244  Conect  S^^tn^ 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

For  a  Gentleman 

To  offer  his  arm  to  a  lady  whom  he  is  escort 
ing  in  the  evening. 

To  offer  his  arm  to  an  elderly  or  infirm  lady 
at  any  time  when  he  is  walking  with  her. 

To  offer  his  arm  to  a  lady  when  the  street  or 
road  is  slippery,  when  they  are  passing  through 
a  crowd,  or  wherever  it  may  be  necessary  to  do 
so  for  her  protection  or  support. 

To  take  the  curbstone  side  of  the  street  when 
walking  with  a  lady,  or  — 

To  take  the  left  side  in  a  crowded  thorough- 
fare, that  he  may  shield  the  lady  from  the 
elbows  of  the  passers-by. 

When  walking  with  a  lady,  to  carry  all  her 
parcels,  especially  if  they  be  heavy  ones. 

If  he  wish  to  speak  to  a  lady,  to  ask  her  per- 
mission  to  turn  round  and  walk  with  her  in  the 
direction  in  which  she  is  going. 


3n  t^e  ^freef  245 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

For  a  Gentleman 

To  allow  a  lady  with  whom  he  is  walking  to 
be  jostled  by  the  elbows  of  the  passers-by. 

To  allow  a  lady  to  pick  up  a  parcel  which  she 
has  dropped,  without  making  any  effort  to  assist 
her. 

To  keep  a  lady  standing  in  the  street  while 
he  talks  with  her. 

To  bow  first  to  a  lady.* 

To  cut  a  lady  under  any  circumstances. 

To  keep  his  hands  in  his  pockets,  especially  if 
he  is  about  to  bow  to  a  lady. 

To  use  profane  language,  especially  within  the 
hearing  of  ladies. 

To  be  unduly  quarrelsome  or  to  take  offence 
unnecessarily  at  some  imaginary  insult  to  the 
ladies  under  his  escort,  since  such  conduct 
would  bring  the  latter  into  a  publicity  most  dis- 
tasteful to  women  of  refinement. 

*  As  a  matter  of  practice,  friends  bow  simultaoeousW, 


246  Correcf  t^itxQ 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  raise  his  hat,  — 
Firsf,  When  he  bows  to  a  lady  or  an  elderly 

gentleman  or  a  clergyman. 
Second^  When  he  is  with  a  lady  who  bows  to 

any  person,  even  if  such  person  be  a 

total  stranger  to  him. 
TAird,  When  he  salutes  a  gentleman  who  is  in 

the  company  of  ladies. 
Fourth^  When  he  is  in  the  company  of  another 

gentleman  who  bows  to  a  lady. 
Fifths  When  he  is  with  a  lady  and  meets  a 

gentleman  whom  he  knows. 
Sixth,  When  he  offers  any  civility  to  a  lady  who 

is  a  stranger  to  him. 
Seventh,  When  he  parts  with  a  lady  after  speak- 
ing to  her,  or  after  driving  or  walking 

with  her,  etc.* 

^The  removal  or  raising  of  the  hat  is  one  of  the  im- 
portant trifles  distinguishing  a  gentleman.  He  raises  it 
when  presented  to  a  lady,  when  she  first  speaks  to  him 
or  he  addresses  her,  when  he  passes  her  on  a  stairway 


3n  f^e  ^freef  247 

It  is  not  tlie  Correct  Thing 

To  neglect  to  apologize  if  he  has  by  accident 
stepped  upon  a  lady's  dress  or  brushed  against 
her,  in  passing  by. 

To  put  letters  or  parcels  in  his  hat,  —  since 
they  will  be  liable  to  drop  out  when  he  re- 
moves it. 

To  smoke  in  a  frequented  thoroughfare  or 
promenade. 

To  smoke  while  walking,  riding  or  driving 
with  a  lady,  or  while  speaking  to  her  in  the 
street. 

For  a  lady  to  omit  to  ask  a  gentleman  to  re- 
sume his  hat,  if  he  keep  it  off,  when  speaking  to 
her  at  the  door  of  her  carriage,  in  the  street, 
etc. 

For  a  gentleman  to  neglect  to  give  a  lady 
whom  he  knows  an  opportunity  to  bow  to  him. 

or  elsewhere  where  apology  is  due,  when  she  thanks  hiir 
for  any  little  service.  Where  a  lady  fails  to  recognize  a 
young  man  whom  she  has  recently  invited  to  her  houst^  he 
may  remove  his  hat,  without  looking  at  her. 


248  Concci  Z^im 

It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  remove  his  hat  with  his  left  hand  when 
bowing  to  a  lady  who  will  be  likely  to  shake 
hands  with  him  ;  otherwise,  — 

To  remove  it  with  the  hand  farthest  from  her. 

To  keep  his  hat  on  in  a  shop,  at  the  entrance 
of  a  theatre,  or  in  the  corridors  of  a  hotel,  if  he 
wish  to  do  so. 

To  take  off  his  hat  when  he  enters  a  private 
office. 

When  escorting  a  lady  to  her  house,  to  wait 
until  she  is  admitted  before  taking  his  departure. 

To  throw  away  his  cigar  or  at  least  remove  it 
from  his  mouth,  when  bowing  to  a  lady. 


For  a  gentleman  to  remove  his  hat  in  an  ele 
vator  or  in  the  corridors  of  a  hotel,  where  there 
are  ladies. 


3n  f^e  ^freef  249 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  omit  to  raise  his  hat  when  introduced  to  a 
gentleman  or  when  acknowledging  a  ser\-ice 
done  by  the  latter  to  the  lady  whom  he  is 
escorting. 

To  leave  a  lady  whom  he  is  escorting  at  the 
foot  of  the  steps  of  her  house.  It  would  be 
especially  impolite  for  him  to  do  so  in  the 
evening. 

To  keep  a  cigar  in  his  mouth  when  bowing  to 
a  lady. 

To  hold  a  cigar  in  his  hand  when  talking  with 
a  lady,  unless  he  apologize  for  doing  so. 

To  keep  his  hat  on  in  Memorial  Hall,  Cam- 
bridge. Harvard  students  especially  resent  this 
lack  of  respect  for  the  illustrious  dead. 

To  force  a  bowing  acquaintance  on  a  person 
whom  one  knows  slightly  where  the  latter  ap- 
pears not  to  desire  it. 

To  keep  his  hat  on  in  an  elevator  where  there 
Jire  ladies,  or  in  the  upper  or  more  private  corri- 
ior?  of  a  hotel,  apartment  house  or  theatre. 


250  Cotted  ^^ing 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  remember  that  Louis  Quatorze  was  in  the 
habit  of  expressing  twelve  or  more  grades  of 
respect  or  cordiality  by  the  form  of  his  salute. 
Following  this  illustrious  example,  one  may  retu'  ft 
by  a  formal  but  polite  bow  the  salutation  <^  \ 
person  whom  one  knows  slightly. 


3n  f^e  ^ttut  251 


It  is  not  tlie  Correct  Thing 

To  bow  first  to  a  person  of  higher  social  posi- 
tion and  exclusive  views,  where  only  a  slight 
acquaintance  exists. 

To  be  quick  to  take  offence  where  one  is  not 
recognized,  since  elderly,  near-sighted  or  absent- 
minded  people  often  fail  to  observe  those  whom 
they  meet. 


252  S^^e  Correct  Z^inQ 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  be  well  dressed  in  garments  of  quiet 
colors  and  made  of  woollen  or  some  other  suit- 
able material. 

To  remember  that  travelling  is  one  of  the 
severest  tests  of  good  breeding,  and  that  a 
gentleman  who  is  worthy  of  the  name  will  b<^- 
have  as  well  abroad  as  at  home. 

If  one  bring  his  own  luncheon,  to  have  it 
neatly  put  up  in  a  napkin,  and  to  have  the  food 
arranged  so  that  it  can  be  eaten  conveniently 
and  with  nicety. 

To  be  very  careful  in  carrying  bundles  and 
umbrellas  through  a  crowded  car  to  hold  them 
in  such  a  way  that  they  will  not  discommode 
one's  fellow  passengers. 

For  a  lady  to  carry  as  little  luggage  by  hand 
as  possible,  especially  when  travelling  with  a 
gentleman. 

To  attend  to  the  checking  of  one's  own  luggage 
or  to  go  with  the  person  who  does  so.  in  order  to 
avoid  the  possibility  of  mistake. 


^^en  ttc^Mffin^  253 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  be  dressed  In  a  showy  manner  or  to  wear 
garments  of  light  and  delicate  colors  or  made 
of  rich  materials. 

To  think  that  any  clothes,  no  matter  how 
shabby  they  may  be,  are  good  enough  to  wea^ 
while  one  is  travelling. 

To  assume  airs  of  superiority  over  one's  fellow 
travellers,  or  to  talk  for  their  benefit. 

To  talk  or  laugh  loud  or  to  giggle. 

To  eat  at  short  and  frequent  intervals  during  a 
journey  or  to  leave  the  debris  of  one's  food  on 
the  window-ledge,  seat  or  floor  of  the  car  or  boat. 

To  carry  bandboxes,  bird-cages,  newspaper 
bundles,  growing  plants,  more  than  one  basket 
or  numerous  packages  of  any  sort. 

For  ladies  travelling  with  gentlemen  to  annoy 
the  latter  with  unpunctuality  or  unreasonable 
and  unnecessary  requests,  or  for  gentlemen  to 
"  harry  "  those  under  their  charge  by  constantb 
worrying  lest  they  should  lose  the  txa^^ 


254  Comet  t^^inq 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  have  one's  trunk  maiked  with  the  owner's 
name. 

For  a  gentleman  to  offer  to  attend  to  a  lady's 
luggage,  leaving  her  meantime  in  the  ladies' 
room. 

For  a  gentleman  to  buy  the  tickets  and  assist 
in  checking  the  luggage  of  a  lady  who  is  under 
his  charge;  he  should  also  give  her  her  choice 
of  seats,  put  her  bundles  in  the  rack,  offer  to 
get  her  refreshments,  newspapers  or  books,  and 
ask  her,  in  the  course  of  a  journey  of  several 
hours,  whether  she  would  not  like  to  walk  up 
and  down  the  platform  at  the  stations. 

For  a  gentleman  to  accompany  to  her  final 
destination  a  young  or  inexperienced  woman 
who  is  under  his  charge,  where  no  friend  comes 
to  meet  her  at  the  dock  or  station ;  he  should  do 
the  same  thing  for  an  elderly  woman,  if  the  hour 
of  arrival  be  late  at  night,  or  if  any  other  circum- 
stance render  it  unfit  for  her  to  travel  without 
his  protection. 


T^^en  $ra)>effmg  255 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 


For  a  gentleman  to  leave  a  lady  standing 
alone  in  a  crowded  station  while  he  attends  to 
her  luggage. 

To  insist  upon  being  at  each  station  an  hour 
before  the  train  or  boat  starts. 

For  men  who  can  read  the  sign  "  Ladies' 
Cabin,"  calmly  to  take  their  seats  in  a  part  of 
the  ferry-boat  which  does  not  belong  to  them, 
allowing  the  rightful  occupants  to  stand  up. 

To  expect  a  gentleman  other  than  an  intimate 
friend,  to  accompany  a  lady  who  has  been  casu- 
ally put  under  his  charge,  beyond  the  railroad 
station  at  the  end  of  her  journey,  unless  circuny 
staiices  render  this  imperative. 


256  3:0e  Comet  Z^im 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

For  a  lady  to  repay  a  gentleman  for  her  travel- 
ling expenses. 

For  a  young  lady  or  an  inexperienced  one,  to 
have  her  friends  meet  her  in  the  station  at  the 
end  of  a  railroad  journey. 

To  refrain  from  swearing  at  the  employes  of  a 
railroad,  and  from  quarrelling  with  them. 

For  a  gentleman  to  offer  to  help  a  lady  who 
appears  to  be  in  need  of  assistance,  even  though 
she  be  a  stranger  to  him.  Thus  if  a  lady  should 
be  burdened  with  many  packages,  or  should  have 
several  children  under  her  care,  it  might  be  diffi- 
cult for  her  to  change  cars  or  go  on  shore  from 
a  steamboat,  alone  and  unaided. 

For  a  gentleman  to  offer  to  open  or  shut  the 
window  for  any  lady. 

For  one  gentleman  to  talk  with  another  who 
is  a  stranger  to  him,  if  this  be  mutually  agree- 
able. 

To  remember  that  the  reporter  also  travelleth, 
and  to  be  wary  of  what  one  says  to  strangers. 


nOJ^en  $ra>?effmg  257 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 


For  a  young  lady  travelling  alone  to  take  a 
hack  at  a  railroad  station  in  New  York  or  any 
other  large  city  with  which  she  is  not  thoroughly 
acquainted. 

For  women  to  consider  that  their  privileges 
are  their  rights,  or  to  forget  to  bow  graciously 
and  thank  courteously  and  audibly  any  one  who 
may  have  shown  them  any  politeness. 

To  force  your  conversation  upon  any  one  who 
evidently  does  not  desire  to  hear  it. 

To  talk  about  one's  own  private  affairs  or 
those  of  anybody  else,  with  a  stranger. 

For  gentlemen  (?)  to  try  to  enter  into  conver- 
sation with  young  ladies  who  are  unknown  to 
them. 

For  young  ladies  to  enter  into  conversation 
with  or  accept  favors  from  strangers,  especially 
if  these  be  young  men. 


258  Cottcct  Z^in^ 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

For  married  or  elderly  ladies  who  are  making 
a  long  journey,  to  converse  with  their  fellow 
travellers  in  moderation,  —  if  this  should  be 
agreeable  to  both  parties. 

To  remember  that  in  ordinary  cases,  a  travel- 
ling acquaintance  is  considered  to  end  with  the 
day's  journey. 

Where  a  number  of  people  are  waiting  to  enter 
a  railway  car  or  public  conveyance  of  any  sort, 
for  the  men  to  stand  aside  and  allow  the  ladies 
to  pass  in  first.  This  elementary  law  of  good 
breeding  is  sometimes  broken  by  those  who 
know  better. 

To  ask  a  person  sitting  in  the  same  seat  with 
yourself  if  he  would  like  to  look  at  your  news- 
paper. 

To  turn  over  a  car-seat  (which  has  been  re* 
versed  to  form  a  resting-place  for  bundles,  etc.) 
where  it  is  the  only  unoccupied  one  in  the  car, 
after  inquiring  politely  whether  it  be  engaged  or 
not 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  be  on  familiar  terms  with  one's  fellow 
passengers  on  a  sea-voyage  or  a  long  over- 
land journey,  and  then  treat  them  as  strangers  at 
a  subsequent  meeting. 

To  weary  a  travelling  companion  with  a  con- 
stant and  uninterrupted  flow  of  conversation. 

To  call  upon  a  person  whom  one  has  met  in 
travelling,  unless  especially  invited  to  do  so. 

To  sit  down  in  the  same  seat  with  a  stranger 
in  a  railroad-car  without  any  preface  or  apology. 
It  is  especially  rude  for  a  gentleman  to  treat  a 
lady  in  this  way. 

To  expect  to  take  up  more  than  one  place  in  a 
seat  when  the  car  is  full,  or  to  turn  over  a  seat 
and  then  look  daggers  at  a  person  who  dares  to 
take  an  unoccupied  place  in  it. 

To  intrude  one's  self  on  a  party  of  people  who 
have  turned  over  a  seat,  when  there  are  other 
vacant  places  in  the  same  car. 

To  crush  or  crowd  or  jostle  against  people  in 
getting  on  or  of?  cars  or  ferry-boats. 


26o  Comet  Z^inq 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  reply  politely  if  any  one  speak  to  you. 

To  read  part  of  the  time,  when  travelling  in 
company  with  another  person,  after  having 
offered  him  (or  her)  a  book  or  paper. 

To  behave  at  a  hotel  table  as  one  would  at  a 
table  in  a  private  house ;  that  is,  in  a  quiet  and 
gentlemanly  or  ladylike  manner. 

In  a  railway-carriage,  to  ask  a  person  whether 
the  vacant  half  of  his  seat  be  engaged,  before 
sitting  down  in  it. 

To  be  quiet  and  courageous  in  the  presence  of 
danger. 

For  a  gentleman  to  offer  his  seat  to  a  lady 
who  is  standing  in  a  railway-carriage.  It  may 
not  perhaps  be  considered  obligatory  to  do  this, 
but  it  would  certainly  be  polite. 

To  wait  till  the  passengers  who  wish  to  leave, 
have  had  a  chance  to  get  off  a  train,  boat  or 
car,  before  attempting  to  get  on  board  one's  self. 

To  say  "  sir,"  or  "  madam,"  when  speaking  to 
or  thanking  a  stranger. 


nr^en  $ra)?effing  261 


It  is  not  tlie  Correct  Thing 

To  put  one's  feet  on  the  seats. 

For  a  person,  not  the  owner  of  an  accident 
policy,  to  put  his  head,  arms  or  feet  out  of  the 
car  window. 

To  imagine  that  it  is  necessary  to  eat  every- 
thing within  reach  at  table  d'hote  dinner,  in 
order  to  get  one's  money's  worth. 

To  sing  or  talk  loud  on  the  deck  of  a  steam- 
boat or  outside  the  staterooms,  after  the  rest  of 
the  passengers  have  gone  to  bed. 

To  scream  or  shriek  or  behave  with  selfish- 
ness or  brutality  in  time  of  danger,  or  to  imagine 
that  all  women  are  cowards  and  all  men  brave. 

To  take  a  chair  which  another  person  has  just 
vacated,  without  waiting  to  see  whether  he  means 
to  return  to  it. 

To  allow  the  porter  to  brush  you  off  in  such  a 
way  as  to  throw  dust  on  other  people. 

To  take  more  than  one's  fair  share  of  time  for 
dressing  in  a  sleeping-car,  thus  keeping  other 
ladies  out  of  the  dressing-room. 


262  Cpe  Cotxcci  Jging 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  remember  that  the  world  is  very  small  and 
that  it  is  very  unsafe  to  behave  ill  in  a  foreign 
country,  imagining  that  the  news  of  one's  be- 
havior will  never  reach  home. 

To  remember  that  the  partition-walls  on 
steamers  and  ships  and  even  in  hotels,  are  very 
thin,  and  to  avoid  reciting  one's  family  history 
loud  enough  for  the  occupant  of  the  next  state- 
room or  chamber  to  hear  it. 

To  accept  cheerfully  the  small,  inevitable  ills 
of  any  unpleasant  situation. 

To  keep  the  American  eagle  very  quiet  when 
one  is  travelling  in  foreign  countries. 

Where  the  employes  of  a  railroad  company  do 
not  carry  out  the  rules  or  where  the  service  is 
not  as  advertised,  to  call  the  matter  to  their  atten- 
tion courteously  but  firmly,  and  if  the  occasion 
warrant,  to  complain  to  the  proper  officials,  not 
from  spite  or  a  spirit  of  revenge,  but  in  order  to 
maintain  the  rights  and  comfort  of  the  travelling 
public. 


^^en  $tai?efftng  263 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  say,  in  case  of  a  slight  squall  at  sea, 
Captain,  is  there  a7iy  Jiope  left?  " 

To  instruct  the  ignorant  foreigner  about  his 
own  country  or  customs,  since  he  probably  will 
not  value  the  information. 

To  treat  the  natives  of  a  foreign  country'  in  a 
condescending  or  supercilious  manner. 

To  pull  up  a  window-shade  in  a  car,  where 
this  will  throw  the  sun  into  your  neighbor's  eyes, 
or  to  pull  it  down  in  such  a  way  as  to  deprive 
'lim  of  light,  when  he  is  reading. 

To  grumble  constantly  at  the  accommodations 
for  travellers  or  at  the  lack  of  the  same. 

To  make  unfavorable  comparisons  between 
one's  own  town  or  country  and  the  locality  where 
one  happens  to  be. 


264  59e  €omcf  Z^ing^ 

I    III! 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  remember  that  swearing  at  foreign  officials 
is  a  dangerous  game,  and  that  those  who  play  at 
it  often  find  themselves  in  prison. 

To  remember  that  those  who  are  in  the  seat 
behind  feel  the  draught  from  an  open  windo\9 
more  strongly  than  the  person  who  is  sitting 
beside  it. 

In  approaching  a  ticket  office  or  at  the  cus- 
tom-house, to  keep  in  line  and  not  seize  a  place 
to  which  one  has  no  right. 

To  show  proper  respect  to  the  worshippers 
when  one  is  within  the  precincts  of  any  religious 
edifice,  taking  off  one^s  hat,  moving  about  quietly, 
if  at  all,  and  avoiding  anything  that  might  offend 
the  belief  or  prejudices  of  others. 

To  remember  that  the  traveller  is  the  natural 
prey  of  the  landlord. 

To  ask  one's  relatives  or  intimate  friends  when 
they  are  about  to  visit  other  cities  or  countries,  if 
they  can  conveniently  execute  a  few  small  com- 
missions, and  to  give  them  the  money  therefor. 


W^en  $tai?effmg  265 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  fee  employes  extravagantly,  thus  making 
a  vulgar  ostentation  of  wealth,  and  forcing  people 
of  moderate  means  to  pay  an  exorbitant  tariff  or 
suffer  from  neglect. 

To  open  a  window  in  a  railroad-car  without 
asking  those  who  are  sitting  within  reach  of  the 
draught  whether  they  object  to  it. 

To  talk  out  loud  or  (for  a  gentleman)  to  keep 
his  hat  on  in  a  religious  edifice. 

To  smoke  in  cars  or  in  public  places  in  the 
presence  of  ladies. 

To  spit  on  the  floors  of  public  conveyances, 
waiting-rooms,  railway  stations,  etc.^ 

To  ask  any  one  to  execute  a  shopping  com- 
mission abroad  without  giving  him  the  money 
necessary  to  pay  for  it. 

To  ask  acquaintances  or  persons  who  are  not 

one's  intimate  friends,  to  execute  commissions 

while  they  are  travelling  in  Europe  or  elsewhere. 

*  This  nuisance  has  been  abated  in  recent  years  and  an 
effort  is  being  made  to  prevent  spitting  on  tlxe  sidewalks 
JlsO)  *s  tending  to  ooctimu,iiicate  disease. 


266  Cotud  Z^im 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  tell  the  truth  at  the  custom-house. 

To  remember  that  it  is  neither  customary  nor 
safe  for  a  lady  to  walk  abroad  alone  in  the  cities 
of  Continental  Europe.' 

For  older  ladies  to  give  friendly  advice  in  a 
kindly  spirit,  to  young  ladies  travelling  alone,  if 
they  see  occasion  for  so  doing. 

Where  one  is  obliged  to  occupy  a  stateroom 
or  cabin  with  other  persons,  to  be  courteous  to 
and  considerate  of  them,  whether  they  be  friends 
or  strangers. 

For  a  lady  to  take  off  her  hat  at  the  opera 
or  theatre,  lest  it  obstruct  the  view  of  those 
sitting  behind  her. 

■  This  state  of  affairs  has  been  somewhat  modified, 
since  so  many  Americans  have  travelled  in  Europe. 
Young  ladies  should,  if  possible,  be  accompanied  by  an 
older  person. 


n0?9^n  2:raueffing  267 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  leave  the  door  of  a  railroad-car  open. 

For  commuters  to  occupy  an  entire  seat  for 
each  person,  allowing  parties  of  ladies  to  look  in 
vain  for  an  unoccupied  seat,  and  not  offering 
them  a  chance  to  sit  together. 

To  be  disobliging  in  the  smoking-car,  prevent- 
ing other  men  from  playing  whist  because  one  is 
too  selfish  to  change  his  seat. 

To  accept  a  "  light "  from  another  passenger 
and  omit  to  thank  him  for  this  or  any  other 
civility. 

To  insist  upon  another  passenger's  changing 
his  seat  in  the  smoker  when  he  is  unwilling  to 
do  so. 


268  Z^t  Correct  Zd'^m 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

For  a  gentleman  who  wishes  to  surrender  his 
seat  to  a  lady  to  rise  before  making  the  offer, 
and  make  it  in  a  courteous  manner. 

For  a  gentleman  to  give  up  his  seat  to  a 
lady. 

For  a  lady  to  bow  courteously  to  a  gentleman 
who  offers  her  his  seat,  at  the  same  time  thank- 
ing him  audibly. 

For  all  passengers  to  be  prompt  and  obliging 
about  moving  up  and  making  room  for  othei 
persons. 

For  a  gentleman  to  offer  to  pass  up  the  ladies' 
fares  in  a  car  or  stage  where  there  is  no  con- 
ductor. 

For  a  lady  who  feels  ill  or  very  much  fatigued, 
to  say  courteously  to  a  gentleman  that  she  does 
not  feel  at  all  well,  and  ask  whether  he  will  be 
so  kind  as  to  give  her  his  seat  for  this  reason. 

To  avoid  crowding  or  pushing  against  othet 
persons  or  sitting  on  their  clothing,  when  on© 
takes  a  seat. 


W0en  ttay^dfinq  in  ^freef  ?  Cars  269 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

For  a  gentleman  who  wishes  to  offer  a  lady 
his  seat,  to  sit  still  and  beckon  to  her  to 
approach. 

For  a  gentleman  to  remain  seated  while  an  old 
or  larne  woman,  or  a  woman  with  a  baby  in  her 
arms,  stands  up. 

For  a  lady  to  seem  in  any  way  to  demand  the 
seat  occupied  by  a  gentleman,  or  to  hint  that  he 
ought  to  vacate  it. 

For  a  gentleman  to  take  a  seat  that  has  been 
vacated,  while  there  are  ladies  standing  up. 

For  passengers  to  sit  sidewise  or  take  up 
more  than  their  fair  share  of  the  seat  in  a 
crowded  car. 

For  a  young  and  strong  woman  to  expect  an 
elderly  man  to  give  her  his  seat. 

For  a  man  to  be  so  absorbed  in  reading  the 
newspaper  that  he  fails  to  observe  ladies  are 
standing. 

To  tread  on  other  people's  feet  or  deposit 
baskets  or  bundles  on  them. 


270  Z§e  Comet  t^im 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

For  gentlemen  to  get  off  the  steps  of  a 
crowded  car  platform  when  a  lady  is  about  to 
leave  the  car. 

For  a  lady  to  avoid,  if  possible,  taking  a  seat 
on  one  of  the  three  rear  benches  of  the  open  car, 
usually  devoted  to  smokers» 


W^en  Ztay^diinc^  in  Street  ^  Cars  271 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

For  a  man  to  carry  a  lighted  cigar  in  a  railway 
station,  or  in  any  public  conveyance  save  a 
smoking-car  or  compartment. 

For  gentlemen  to  remain  standing  on  the 
platform  in  such  a  way  that  a  lady  will  be 
obliged  to  crowd  past  them  in  order  to  get  off 
the  car. 

For  a  lady  to  step  off  a  car  facing  in  any 
other  direction  than  that  in  which  the  car  is 
going.  She  should  also,  if  possible,  take  hold  of 
the  front  rail  of  the  car  platform. 

To  leave  the  car  by  the  front  piatEorm. 


2/2  Correct  Z^in^ 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  remember  that  "  time  is  money  "  to  some 
one,  if  not  to  yourself. 

To  remember  that  "  short  accounts  make  long 
friends." 

To  make  an  agreement  as  to  all  particulars 
whenever  it  is  possible  to  do  so,  before  closing  a 
transaction. 

To  remember  that  a  contract  can  be  broken 
only  by  consent  of  both  or  all  the  parties  to 
it. 

To  remember  that  the  solvent  debtors  pay  in 
reality  for  the  debts  of  the  insolvent. 

To  remember  that  one  failure  makes  many. 

To  be  righteously  indignant  if  a  bill  which  has 
been  already  paid  is  sent  in  a  second  time. 

To  pay  washerwomen,  seamstresses  and  other 
persons  employed  by  the  day  very  promptly. 
They  should  be  paid  at  the  end  of  each  day  or 
week. 

For  employes  to  improve  their  spare  time  and 
for  employers  to  encourage  them  in  doing  so. 


3n  f^e  ^usmesg  TTorf^  273 


It  is  not  tJie  Correct  Thing 

To  become  surety  for  another  person  or  to 
indorse  notes  for  him  unless  one  be  prepared 
and  able  to  pay  them  if  he  fail  to  do  so. 

To  dun  a  debtor  in  a  persistent  and  unpleas- 
ant manner. 

To  run  up  bills  without  keeping  any  account 
of  them. 

To  buy  what  one  does  not  need,  merely  be- 
cause it  is  "  cheap." 

To  buy  goods  on  credit  without  knowing  their 
precise  cost,  or  without  fixing  the  time  for  pay- 
ment 

To  be  angry  at  the  presentation  of  an  unpaid 
bill. 

To  allow  washerwomen  or  other  persons  who 
are  day-laborers  and  dependent  on  their  daily 
wages  for  their  means  of  subsistence,  to  call 
several  times  for  their  pay,  thus  wasting  time 
precious  to  them,  and  perhaps  causing  them 
suffering  and  privation. 


2  74  Comd  C^ing 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  beware  of  false  pride  and  an  affectation  of 
gentility  in  business,  as  in  social  relations. 

To  remember  that  it  is  no  child's  play  to  suc- 
ceed in  business  of  any  kind. 

To  remember  that  in  the  midst  of  the  battle  of 
life  there  is  no  time  to  learn  its  tactics,  which 
must  be  mastered  beforehand  by  every  soldier, 
lawyer,  business  or  professional  man. 

To  be  willing  to  work  hard  and  concentrate 
one's  whole  attention  upon  whatever  one  is  doing. 

To  remember  that  the  knowledge  of  a  trade 
or  profession  is  in  itself  a  capital. 

To  remember  that  many  college-bred  and 
other  well-educated  men  now  work  with  their 
hands  at  farming  and  in  technical  callings,  thus 
proving  that  they  do  not  consider  manual  labor 
degrading,  while  the  sons  of  small  farmers 
desert  their  farms  and  refuse  to  work  with  their 
hands. 

To  remember  that  where  one  knave  succeeds, 
a  hundred  fail. 


3n  t^e  justness  Wotf^  275 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  be  "  above  one's  business  "  or  to  imagine 
that  work  is  degrading. 

To  be  unwilling  to  learn  a  trade  or  business 
thoroughly  or  to  imagine  that  one  can  succeed  in 
a  business,  trade  or  profession  without  a  thor- 
ough training  for  it. 

To  purchase  on  credit  where  one  can  as  easily 
pay  cash. 

To  fill  one's  office  or  counting-room  with 
tobacco  smoke. 

To  neglect  or  despise  a  fraction  of  a  cent. 

To  sew  good  cloth  with  cotton  thread. 

For  young  men  and  women  to  leave  comfort- 
able homes  in  the  country  and  crowd  to  the 
cities,  forcing  down  the  price  of  labor,  and  then 
grumble  because  they  do  not  succeed  in  their 
undertakings. 

To  think  it  more  genteel  to  be  a  counter- 
jumper  at  another  man's  beck  and  call,  than  a 
farmer  or  a  tradesman  and  "  one's  own  master." 

To  imagine  that  all  rascals  succeed  in  life. 


276  t^e  Correct  Z^in^ 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  make  a  business  letter  intelligible,  express- 
ing the  exact  meaning  of  the  writer,  and  to  make 
it  also  legible  and  brief. 

To  remember  that  a  business  letter  should  be 
extremely  courteous  in  tone. 

To  put  the  full  date,  address  and  signature  in 
a  business  letter,  and  to  answer  all  the  questions 
of  one's  correspondent. 

To  put  the  full  address  of  one's  correspondent 
on  the  envelope  of  a  business  letter —  giving  the 
name  of  the  county  and  that  of  the  State. 

To  address  a  letter  to  a  firm,  "  Messrs.  R.  H. 
Macy  &  Co." 

To  begin  a  letter  to  a  firm  in  this  way : 
Messrs.  R.  H.  Macy  &  Co. 

Gentlemen  (or  Dear  Sirs)  :  * 

'  Or  :  The  Misses  Bacon. 
Mesdames : 

Some  people  avoid  the  use  of  the  French  plural  by 
addressing  one  of  the  ladies,  as:  Miss  Bacon.  Dear 
Madam. 


3n  t^t  igmintzs  Worfb  277 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  write  a  letter  on  a  matter  of  business  in  an 
ambiguous  or  rambling  style. 

To  make  unnecessary  repetitions  or  to  be  un- 
duly curt  in  a  business  letter. 


To  sign  a  letter  with  "  Messrs."  prefixed  to  the 
signature. 

To  begin  a  letter : 
The  Misses  Bacon. 
Dear  Madams: 

To  omit  "  Messrs."  when  writing  to  a  firm. 

To  omit  to  give  a  person  his  or  her  proper 
title,  as  "  Mrs."  or  "  Esq."  because  he  or  she  hap- 
pens to  be  a  distinguished  person. 

To  gamble  or  speculate  with  money  which 
dne  cannot  afford  to  lose. 


278  t^c  Correct  t^m 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  remember  that  a  character  for  probity  is  a 
capital  one  need  never  lose. 

To  enclose  stamps  sufficient  to  cover  the 
weight  of  the  manuscript  when  sending  to  an 
editor  a  manuscript  which  is  to  be  returned  if 
not  used. 

For  an  editor  of  a  magazine  or  weekly  paper 
to  send  cheques  to  the  contributors  when  their 
articles  are  published,  and  to  send  also  to  each 
of  them  a  copy  of  the  magazine  containing  his 
article. 

For  a  contributor  to  write  to  the  editor  of  a 
newspaper  and  ask  to  have  a  cheque  sent  to  him, 
after  the  publication  of  one  of  his  articles  or  a 
series  of  them.  It  is  customary  however,  in 
some  of  our  large  cities,  for  the  contributors  to 
the  great  dailies  to  call  at  the  newspaper  offices, 
and  get  the  pay  due  to  them. 

To  remember  that  editors  and  publishers  are 
very  busy  people,  and  to  make  one's  visits  to 
them  as  brief  as  possible. 


3n  f^e  !^usme0S  ^ott^  279 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  be  impolite  to  an  editor  or  to  annoy  him 
with  frequent  letters  or  unreasonable  requests. 

For  the  editor  of  a  weekly  or  monthly  publica- 
tion to  refuse  to  return  a  manuscript  to  the 
sender  where  stamps  are  enclosed  and  address 
given. 

For  an  editor  of  a  magazine  to  accept  an 
article  and  publish  it,  and  then  compel  the  writer 
of  it  to  dun  him  repeatedly  for  his  pay. 

To  expect  that  communications  to  a  daily 
paper  in  a  large  city  will  be  returned  if  not  used. 

To  send  a  manuscript  to  an  author  upon 
whom  one  has  no  real  claim,  and  to  ask  him 
to  read  it  over  and  give  his  opinion  of  it. 

To  treat  a  lady  employed  as  governess,  secre- 
tary or  in  any  other  capacity,  as  if  she  were  a 
menial.  This  shows  a  lack  of  good  breeding,  as 
well  as  innate  vulgarity. 

To  force  one's  way  into  an  editorial  or  other 
sanctum,  or  to  insist  upon  seeing  busy  people  OD 
one's  own  business. 


28o  S^e  Correct  Z^inc^ 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  be  uniformly  polite  in  business  relations, 
and  to  remember '  that  a  pleasant  manner  is 
almost  always  a  passport  to  success. 

To  avoid  as  far  as  possible  a  "  professional 
manner,"  such  as  one  sometimes  observes  among 
doctors,  clergymen,  lawyers  and  others. 

To  pay  a  teacher,  artist,  lecturer  or  othei 
professional  person,  by  means  of  a  cheque  or 
money  enclosed  in  an  envelope. 


3n  f^t  (gusinegg  Wotft  281 


Is  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  be  gruff  or  disobliging  in  business  rela- 
tions, or  to  be  too  diffusive  or  over-zealous. 

For  a  self-made  man  to  boast  continually  of 
his  own  work;  namely,  himself. 

To  abuse  or  not  to  take  proper  care  of  a  hired 
house  or  horse,  or  any  article  belonging  to  an- 
other person. 

For  a  lady  employed  in  a  business  capacity 
to  expect  or  claim  social  recognition  at  the  hands 
of  her  employers. 

For  Croesus  to  adopt  a  tone  of  hauteur  or  con- 
descension to  men  of  standing  in  the  profes- 
sional or  business  world. 

To  send  money,  unenclosed,  to  a  lady  or 
gentleman,  by  the  hands  of  a  servant. 


282  S:^e  Correct  Z^inq 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

For  employes  to  be  patient,  cheerful  and 
obliging. 

For  employes  to  remember  that  it  is  their  busi- 
ness to  wait  upon  customers,  and  to  be  civil  to 
them. 

For  a  salesman  to  prove  that  he  respects  him- 
self by  showing  due  respect  to  others. 

For  a  salesman  to  advise  a  customer  or  assist 
her  in  making  a  choice,  if  asked  to  do  so. 

For  a  shopkeeper  to  be  as  polite  to  a  poor 
customer  as  to  a  rich  one. 

For  salesmen  to  remember  that  customers  can- 
not always  know  just  what  they  want  until  they 
have  seen  the  new  fabrics  of  the  season,  and  that 
a  customer  has  a  right  to  walk  through  a  shop, 
looking  at  articles  for  a  reasonable  length  of 
time,  without  being  compelled  to  purchase  any- 
thing. 

When  one  intends  only  to  look  at  articles  and 
not  to  buy  till  another  day,  to  say  so  in  the  first 
instance. 


3n  §^oppxnci  283 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

For  employes  to  be  uncivil  or  cross  to  cus- 
tomers because  the  shop  is  crowded,  or  because 
they  are  tired. 

For  employes  to  talk  to  each  other  while  cus- 
tomers are  awaiting  their  attention. 

For  employes  to  be  impertinent  to  customers, 
or  to  make  remarks  upon  them  in  the  hearing  of 
other  customers. 

For  a  salesman  to  advise  a  customer  when  he 
has  not  been  asked  to  do  so. 

For  a  salesman  to  be  sulky  if  a  customer  do 
not  purchase  his  goods. 

For  employers  to  be  harsh  or  arbitrary  in  their 
treatment  of  employes,  especially  where  these  are 
children. 

For  customers  to  look  over  goods  and  take  up 
the  time  of  the  salesman,  without  any  real  inten- 
tion of  making  a  purchase,  because  they  wish 
to  see  the  new  styles  in  order  to  copy  them  in 
their  home  dressmaking. 


284  Correct  Z^inq 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  remember  that  the  feminine  for  "  man  "  is 
"  woman ;  "  for  "  saXesman,^^  "  saleswoMAN  ;  "  and 
that  while  a  saleswoman,  like  any  other  person 
of  her  sex,  may  or  may  not  be  a  lady,  she  is  still 
a  woman,  and  if  she  be  engaged  in  selling,  a 
saleswoman. 

For  a  customer  to  know  beforehand  as  nearly 
as  possible  what  she  wishes  to  buy. 

To  hold  the  door  open  for  a  person  who  is 
entering  or  coming  out  of  a  shop  just  behind  one. 
The  second  comer  should  in  her  turn  take  hold  of 
the  door  as  she  passes  through  the  doorway. 

To  shut  the  door  ! 

For  purchasers  to  do  their  Christmas  shopping 
in  good  season,  before  December  so  far  as  pos- 
sible, thus  avoiding  a  crush  themselves,  and 
saving  the  employes  in  shops  from  much  extra 
fatigue  and  hardship. 

If  one  wish  to  see  a  piece  of  goods  nearer  the 
light,  to  ask  the  clerk  politely  if  he  cannot  bring 
or  send  the  material  to  the  desired  spot. 


3n  ^^oppin^  285 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  use  the  expression  "sales-lady,"  Avhich  is 
quite  as  absurd  as  to  say    a  sales-GENTLEMAN." 

For  customers  to  speak  sharply  to  employes, 
or  be  rude  to  them. 

For  gentlemen  (?')  to  try  to  flirt  with  sales- 
women and  annoy  them  with  foolish  speeches. 


To  let  the  door  of  a  shop  slam  in  the  face  of 
another  person,  or  to  allow  a  stranger  to  hold  the 
door  open  while  one  passes  through  the  doorway 
without  making  any  attempt  to  hold  the  door  open 
for  one's  self. 


For  customers  to  expect  to  be  allowed  to  carry 

valuable  dress  goods  or  other  articles  to  the  door 
of  a  shop,  or  to  scold  and  make  an  outcry  be- 
cause such  an  unreasonable  request  is  refused. 


286  Comet  Z^im 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

When  buying  white  goods,  to  ask  for  those 
bearing  the  label  of  the  Consumers'  League, 
since  this  certifies  to  the  fact  that  they  have  been 
made  under  humane  and  sanitary  conditions. 

To  patronize  shops  on  the  White  League  list, 
remembering  that  in  a  Christian  land,  it  con- 
cerns the  consumer,  under  what  circumstances 
the  goods  which  he  purchases  are  made,  and 
how  the  employes  who  wait  on  him  are  treated. 

For  salesman  and  customer  both  to  say 
"  Thank  you  ! "  when  a  sale  is  completed,  and 
the  package,  or  change,  handed  to  the  latter. 

To  assist  in  the  movement  for  a  Saturday  half- 
holiday  among  shopkeepers,  and  in  other  humane 
movements  for  the  benefit  of  employes  in  shops. 

To  join  the  Audubon  Society,  which  seeks  to 
preserve  our  birds,  and  to  save  them  as  well  as 
animals  from  cruel  and  inhuman  treatment. 

To  receive  with  some  caution  the  assurance  of 
the  milliner,  that  feathers  of  all  sorts  and  kinds 
are  grown  by  chickens  or  pigeons. 


3n  ^^opipirxQ 


287 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  buy  very  cheap  goods  presumably  made 
up  in  sweat  shops,  thus  endangering  one's  own 
health  or  even  life,  as  well  as  helping  to  perpet- 
uate a  cruel  system  of  human  slavery. 

For  sales  men  or  women  to  insist  that  an 
article  matches  another  perfectly,  or  that  it  is 
^'just  w^hat  the  customer  wants,"  when  the  cus- 
tomer expresses  a  contrary  opinion. 

To  allow  a  person  to  buy  damaged  goods  with- 
out knowing  their  real  condition. 


To  buy  aigrets,  the  procuring  of  which  has 
nearly  exterminated,  under  circumstances  of 
great  cruelty,  a  very  beautiful  bird. 

To  buy  or  wear  any  feathers  save  those  of  the 
ostrich,  domestic  fowls  or  game  birds. 

To  buy  Persian  lamb  coats,  muffs  or  other 
articles  invohdng  the  cruel  treatment  and  threat- 
ening the  extermination  of  animals. 


288  Correct  t^itxQ 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  wear  mourning  dress  after  the  death  of  a 
near  relative.  It  is  not  now  considered  obliga- 
tory to  do  so  however,  many  persons  objecting 
on  principle  to  this  custom.  Some  persons 
merely  avoid  wearing  colored  garments,  and 
wear  black  materials  of  any  sort,  instead  of  the 
regulation  mourning  dress. 

To  remember  that  all  children,  and  almost  aU 
men,  greatly  dislike  mourning  dress. 

To  wear  plain  lustreless  black  woollen  stuffs 
and  crape  when  one  is  in  deep  mourning.' 

For  a  lady  who  is  in  deep  mourning  to  have 
her  garments  made  up  in  a  very  simple  manner. 
She  can,  if  she  please,  select  expensive  materials 
of  fine  texture  for  her  wardrobe. 

To  wear  lustreless  black  silk  trimmed  with 
crape  in  the  secondary  stages  of  mourning.^ 

*  Waists  of  lustreless  silk,  to  go  under  the  tailo^-mad^ 
jacket,  may  now  be  worn  in  deep  mourning.  A  widow 
may  also,  if  she  please,  reUeve  the  sombre  black  by  wear- 
ing white  collars  and  cuffs  of  delicate  muslin. 

*  Crape  is  now  usually  left  off,  in  secondary  mourning. 


3n  (Jttournin^ 


289 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

In  the  opinion  of  most  people  to  wear  mourn- 
ing dress  for  as  great  a  length  of  time  after  the 
death  of  a  relation  as  it  was  formerly  the  fashion 
to  do. 

To  wear  mourning  dress,  and  especially  crape 
veils,  for  an  excessive  length  of  time,  forgetting 
that  the  long-continued  sight  of  such  gloomy  gar- 
ments will  be  apt  to  depress  the  spirits  of  a 
whole  household. 

To  dress  children  in  mourning,  according  to 
the  prevailing  sentiment  in  this  country. 

To  wear  mourning  dress  of  an  ostentatiously 
sombre  character.  It  is  especially  inappropriate 
to  do  so  in  cases  where  the  mourner  is  not  in 
reality  in  deep  sorrow. 

For  a  lady  who  is  wearing  deep  mourning 
dress  to  have  it  trimmed  in  an  elaborate  manner, 
or  over-loaded  with  crape. 


290  C^e  Correct  Z^irxQ 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  wear  black  woollen  materials  trimmed  with 
lustreless  silk  or  black  braid,  and  bonnets  made 
of  or  trimmed  with  silk,  in  ordinary  mourning. 

To  wear  in  deep  mourning  a  veil  of  nun's  veiling 
or  crape,  thrown  back  over  the  bonnet,  with  a  veil 
of  black  lace  net  edged  with  crape  over  the  face. 

To  wear  a  crape  veil  over  the  face  at  a  funeral, 
and  perhaps  for  a  short  time  thereafter,  if  the 
wearer  crave  its  protection. 

To  wear  black  silk  without  crape,  for  compli 
mentary  mourning.^ 

To  remember  that  there  are  in  this  country  no 
general  laws  laying  down  the  exact  length  of 
time  during  which  mourning  should  be  worn. 

For  a  widow  to  leave  off  her  weeds  when  she 
has  become  "reconciled"  to  the  death  of  her 
first  husband,  if  a  decent  length  of  time  have 
elapsed  since  the  event 

*  This  form  of  mourning  is  not  worn  for  more  than 
three  months,  and  consists  simply  of  black,  excluding 
however,  velvet  and  ostrich  feathers. 


3n  (Jl^ourmng 


291 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  wear  bright  jet  trimmings  when  in  deep 
mourning. 

To  wear  velvet  when  one  is  in  deep  mourning. 
Thus  a  crape  hat  and  veil  and  a  mantle  of 
velvet  would  present  an  incongruous  appear- 
ance if  worn  together. 

To  wear  a  crape  veil  over  the  face,  thus  per- 
petuating a  barbarous  and  very  unwholesome 
custom  which  is  rapidly  falling  into  desuetude. 

To  ask  a  person  who  is  dressed  in  deep  mourn- 
ing what  relative  he  has  lost. 

For  any  ene  save  a  widow  to  wear  a  widow's 
cap  either  under  a  bonnet  or  without  it. 

In  the  opinion  of  most  persons,  for  the  mother 
or  other  relations  to  wear  crape  after  the  death 
of  a  young  child,  or  to  wear  mourning  for  it 
during  more  than  a  year.^ 

*  For  an  infant,  it  suffices  to  wear  black,  with  touches 
of  white  or  gray,  for  three  months. 


292  Conuf  Z^im 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

For  widov/s  to  wear  deep  mourning  includ- 
ing crape  veil,  during  two  years,  some  widows 
retaining  a  deep  mourning  costume  during 
life.^ 

To  wear  deep  mourning  for  a  parent  during 
one  year,  and  lighter  or  ordinary  mourning, 
during  a  second  year;  some  persons  continue 
to  wear  deep  mourning  dress,  with  crape  veil, 
for  two  years. 

To  wear  mourning  for  a  brother  or  sister 
during  one  or  two  years,  —  deep  mourning  at 
first,  and  lighter  mourning  afterward.* 

*  No  one,  not  even  a  widow,  need  wear  full  deep 
mourning  for  more  than  a  year.  Widows  and  mourning 
mothers  and  daughters  wear  much  slighter  mourning  after 
the  first  year.  This  can  be  distinguished  at  sight  from 
the  first  year's  mourning.  Thus  a  widow  discards  her 
cap  and  shortens  her  veil,  in  the  second  year.  She  need 
not  wear  black,  unless  she  choose,  for  more  than  two 
years,  but  many  widows  wear  it  (not  however  the  deepest 
mourning)  for  many  years,  or  for  life. 

*  It  is  now  usual  for  sisters  to  wear  mourning  for  only 
one  year. 


3n  (^ourntng 


293 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

For  a  widow  who  is  still  wearing  her  weeds,  to 
carry  on  flirtations  or  angle  for  a  second  husband. 

To  wear  deep  mourning  dress  during  long 
periods  of  time  for  one's  husband's  relatives,  or 
for  persons  whom  one  has  never  seen,  or  has 
never  known  intimately/ 

To  go  into  society,  to  receive  or  to  pay  formal 
visits,  when  one  is  in  deep  mourning. 

To  continue  to  darken  the  windows  of  a  house 
after  a  funeral  has  taken  place,  thus  rendering  it 
damp  and  unwholesome. 

^  While  an  affectionate  wife  desires  to  do  what  will  be 
agreeable  to  her  husband's  feelings,  it  is  repugnant  to  her 
good  taste  to  assume  deep  mourning  garb,  where  deep 
sorrow  does  not  exist,  in  these  days  v>-hen  mourning  is 
worn  less  and  less.  She  should  however  show  proper  re- 
spect to  the  memory  of  his  relations,  and  especially  of  his 
parents,  by  refrainins:  from,  going  into  society,  and  by  wear- 
ing, if  he  desire  it,  moderate  mourning,  or  at  least  black, 
for  a  time. 


294  Comcf  ^^ing 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  wear  ordinary  mourning  during  three  or 
six  months  for  an  uncle,  aunt  or  grandparent ; 
many  persons  do  not  put  on  mourning  at  all 
however,  except  for  very  near  relatives.* 

For  parents  to  wear  mourning  for  grown-up 
sons  or  daughters  during  one  or  two  years. 

To  remember  that  the  idea  of  paying  proper 
respect  to  the  dead  enters  into  all  our  theories 
of  mourning,  and  that  this  respect  is  especially 
due  to  older  persons. 

To  remember  that  the  strictest  and  most 
formal  observance  of  mourning  customs  is  not 
necessarily  the  concomitant  of  the  most  sincere 
grief,  and  that  to  some  persons  long  periods  of 
strict  seclusion  are  extremely  depressing,  as  well 
as  unwholesome  and  injurious. 

•  Black  may  be  substituted  for  formal  mourning,  al- 
though something  will  depend  on  the  degree  of  intimacy 
and  affection  that  had  existed,  between  aunt  and  niece, 
for  instance.  It  is  not  now  considered  obligatory  to 
wear  mourning  for  uncles,  aunts  or  grandparents. 


3n  (ffloutnin^  295 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

For  older  persons  to  expect  younger  ones  to 
remain  for  long  periods  of  time  in  strict  seclusion, 
shrouding  sensitive  youth  in  perpetual  gloom. 

For  young  people  to  be  unwilling  to  pay  proper 
respect  to  the  dead  during  a  suitable  period  of 
time. 

For  a  young  girl  to  wear  a  bonnet  and  crape  veil. 
She  should  wear  a  hat  of  crape  or  chilion,  or  a 
black  straw  hat,  trimmed  with  one  or  the  other. 

To  go  to  a  concert  within  three  months,  or  to 
the  theatre  or  other  public  place  of  amusement 
within  six  months  after  the  death  of  a  near 
yelative.^ 

^  More  latitude  is  now  allov,'ed  to  persons  in  mourning, 
as  it  is  now  seen  to  be  crael  to  condemn  those  in  sorrow 
to  strict  seclusion,  shutting  them  up  in  a  gloomy  prison  of 
griet,  as  it  were.  Hence  mourners  may,  in  a  quiet  way, 
go  to  concerts,  lectures  or  readings,  or  even  to  mat- 
inees ar  rhe  theatre  or  opera,  should  they  desire  to  do 
so.  Some  people  think  however  that  it  is  in  question- 
able taste  TO  appear  at  the  theatre  or  at  a  concert  while 
wearing  crape.  The  difficulty  is  sometimes  avoided  by 
hiring  a  box  and  sitting  somewhat  in  the  rear  of  it 


296  Cotuct  t^im 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

For  a  gentleman  to  wear  a  weed  on  his  hat 
after  the  death  of  a  near  relative.  Some  gentle- 
men put  on  complete  suits  of  mourning ;  but  the 
majority,  especially  in  the  Eastern  States,  do  not 
do  so/ 

For  men  to  remain  in  seclusion  after  the  death 
of  relatives  during  a  shorter  period  than  women, 
since  the  business  and  affairs  of  the  former  neces- 
sarily call  them  abroad. 

For  a  widower  to  wear  mourning  during  two 
years,  if  he  remain  single  so  long.^ 

To  wear  black  or  quiet  colors  at  a  funeral, 
especially  that  of  a  relative  or  intimate  friend. 

To  use  all  possible  tact  when  making  a  visit 
of  condolence,  carefully  avoiding  the  introduc- 
tion of  any  subject  which  might  cause  additional 
distress  to  those  who  are  in  sorrow,  and  showing 
one's  sympathy  more  by  manner  than  in  words. 

*  Very  wide  weeds  or  hat-bands  have  now  gone  out  of 
fashion,  narrower  ones  being  worn. 

*  One  year  or  eighteen  months  is  now  thought  sufBcientt 


3n  (gtourning 


297 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  be  unkind  or  uncharitable  in  one's  judg- 
ment of  the  conduct  of  those  persons  who  do  not 
believe  in  a  very  formal  observance  of  mourning 
customs. 

For  a  man  to  appear  in  gay  society  shortly 
after  the  death  of  a  near  relative  or  of  his  wife. 

To  ask  or  expect  young  people  to  wear  mourn- 
ing for  uncle,  aunt  or  grandparent,  whom  they 
have  known  slightly,  or  not  at  all. 


To  gratify  one's  curiosity  at  the  expense  of  the 
feelings  of  those  who  are  in  sorrow. 


For  any  one  to  feel  hurt  because  a  mourner, 
in  the  first  prostration  of  grief,  refuses  to  see 
him. 


2gS  ^^e  Contcf  t^mQ 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  call  within  a  month  at  the  house  of  a 
friend  or  acquaintance  where  there  has  been  a 
death ;  intimate  friends  call  before  or  after  the 
funeral. 

To  call  upon  strangers,  or  in  the  country  upon 
neighbors,  who  are  in  affliction.  Some  sad  cases 
have  occurred  where  people  were  entirely  neg- 
lected by  their  neighbors,  each  person  supposing 
that  some  one  else  had  called  and  offered  assist- 
ance or  sympathy. 

To  give  a  person  who  is  in  deep  sorrow  an 
opportunity  to  speak  of  what  lies  nearest  his 
heart,  rather  than  to  mention  the  subject  one's 
self. 

For  intimate  or  old  friends  to  send  brief  letters 
of  condolence  to  those  who  are  in  affliction, 
offering  affectionate  sympathy  and  religious  com- 
fort, if  they  feel  sincerely  moved  to  do  so. 

To  lay  aside  mourning  dress,  and  to  appear  in 
white,  gray  or  purple  at  the  wedding  of  a  rela- 
tive or  intimate  friend. 


3n  (gloumtng  299 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

For  ordinary  acquaintances  to  expect  to  be 
admitted,  when  calling  upon  persons  who  are  in 
affliction. 

To  appear  intrusive  or  seem  indifferent  when 
calling  upon  a  person  in  affliction. 

To  express  one's  sympathy  toward  a  person  in 
affliction  if  one  meet  him  in  the  street  or  other 
public  place. 

When  making  a  visit  of  condolence  to  express 
a  wish  to  hear  the  details  of  a  person's  last  illness 
and  death,  forgetting  how  painful  these  subjects 
must  be  to  a  near  and  dear  relative  of  the 
deceased. 


To  wear  mourning  at  a  wedding. 
For  persons  in  deep  mourning  to  go  to  large 
or  gay  weddings. 


300  Cotttd  ^^ing 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  send  letters  of  condolence  promptly,  if  at 
all 

To  abstain  from  giving  or  attending  an  enter- 
tainment on  the  day  of  the  funeral  of  a  cousin 
or  other  relation,  or  within  a  short  time  after  hisf 
death,  since  to  do  otherwise  would  show  a  lack 
of  family  feeling  and  of  respect  for  the  dead. 

To  show  all  possible  kindness  toward  those 
who  are  in  deep  sorrow,  writing  brief  but  sym- 
pathetic letters  of  condolence,  calling  to  see  the 
mourner,  and  doing  all  that  one  can,  without 
being  officious,  to  lighten  the  heavy  burden  ol 
real  grief. 


3n  (^touming 


301 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  write  long  or  formal  letters  of  condolence, 
or  to  preach  to  persons  in  affliction,  telling  them 
they  must  be  resigned  to  the  will  of  Providence. 

To  give  an  entertainment  or  to  attend  one,  on 
the  day  of  the  funeral  of  a  relation  or  near  con- 
nection by  marriage,  even  where  a  family  quarrel 
exists.  Public  opinion  is  outraged  by  such  a 
display  of  bad  feeling. 

To  make  sympathy  the  cloak  for  garrulit}', 
troubling  those  who  are  in  sorrow  with  an  end- 
less amount  of  talk. 

To  make  the  affliction  of  your  neighbor  in  the 
country  an  excuse  for  indulging  your  curiosity 
about  her  affairs,  by  prying  about  her  house. 


302  ^^e  Cottui  Z^im 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

For  members  to  make  themselves  familiar 
with  the  rules  and  regulations  of  the  organiza- 
tion to  which  they  belong,  and  to  obey  these 
laws. 

For  a  member  of  a  small  social  club — such 
as  a  dining-club  —  to  object  to  the  admission  of 
any  person  whose  society  is  not  congenial  to 
him.  The  reason  of  this  rule  is  evident.  It 
would  destroy  the  very  object  of  the  existence 
of  a  club  of  this  sort,  —  namely,  mutual  good- 
fellowship  and  common  social  enjoyment, — if  a 
member  whose  society  was  unacceptable  to  some 
of  his  fellows,  should  be  thrust  into  the  circle  to 
mar  its  harmony.' 

*  It  is  now  customary  to  have  the  question  of  admission 
settled  by  a  committee  on  membership.  Where  their 
decision  is  favorable  the  Board  of  Governors  ratify  it  by 
a  purely  formal  vote.  Where  a  candidate  is  thought  to 
be  persona  non  grata^  the  committee  quietly  ask  the 
proposer  and  seconder  to  withdraw  his  name.  Thus 
blackballing  —  an  ugly  word  in  clubdom  — >  is  avoided. 


(^f  a  €fu6  303 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 


For  a  member  of  a  small  social  club  to  persist 
in  proposing  for  membership  a  person  who  has 
been  repeatedly  proposed  without  success.  In 
some  organizations  it  is  provided  by  law  that  no 
person  shall  be  a  candidate  for  election  within  a 
specified  period  of  time  after  admission  has  been 
refused  him  ;  but  in  those  clubs  where  no  such 
provision  exists,  members  should  be  very  careful 
not  to  force  upon  their  associates  a  person  who 
may  be  uncongenial  to  them,  since  those  who 
have  objected  to  such  a  candidate  several  times 
will  in  many  cases  ultimately  relinquish  their 
opposition,  not  because  thev  are  convinced  that 
they  have  been  in  error,  but  because  they  do  not 
wish  to  appear  disobliging. 


304  ^^e  Correct  t^inq 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

For  the  governing  committee  or  other  mem- 
bers of  a  large  club,  to  lay  aside  personal  preju- 
dice when  voting  upon  the  admission  of  a  new 
member,  and  for  them  to  take  into  consideration 
these  questions  only :  Is  the  record  of  the  can- 
didate in  question  a  clear  one  ?  Is  he  in  all 
respects  eligible  to  form  one  of  an  assembly  of 
gentlemen  ?  (This  rule  does  not  militate  with 
the  foregoing,  because  the  circumstances  of  the 
two  cases  are  entirely  different.  A  large  club 
forms  a  little  world  in  itself,  and  the  members 
of  it  are  not  necessarily  on  intimate  terms  with 
one  another,  —  indeed,  many  of  the  members 
do  not  even  know  each  other.  Therefore  it 
is  not  essential  that  they  should  all  be  con- 
genial.) 

For  the  members  of  a  club  to  make  themselves 
agreeable,  or  at  least  not  disagreeable,  to  their 
fellow  members.  A  gentleman  is  supposed  to 
behave  at  his  club-house  as  he  would  at  his  own 
home  ;  it  is  therefore  evident  that  he  should  be 


m  ft  efttfi  305 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

For  one  of  the  governing  committee  or  other 
member  of  a  large  club  to  blackball  from  spite  or 
any  personal  motive  a  candidate  who  has  been 
proposed  as  a  new  member.  If  the  latter  have  a 
good  record,  and  if  he  be  in  other  respects 
eligible  as  a  member  of  the  club,  he  ought  not 
to  be  kept  out  of  it  to  gratify  the  personal  pique 
or  whim  of  those  in  power. 


To  appear  selfish  or  greedy ;  to  monopolize  al- 
ways the  best  armchair,  or  the  most  favorable 
position  in  the  favorite  bow-window  or  elsewhere. 


3o6  t^c  Cottcct  €^inQ 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

courteous,  and  show  a  spirit  of  tolerance  toward 
others. 

To  respect  the  rights  and  comfort  of  others, 
and  speak  only  in  a  low  tone  of  voice  in  the 
reading-rooms  or  library. 

To  remember  that  the  law  which  forbids 
giving  fees  to  servants,  is  strictly  enforced  in 
most  club-houses,  and  is  not  by  any  means  a 
dead  letter. 

For  gentlemen  to  wear  evening  dress  when 
they  take  late  dinner  at  a  club,  if  they  wish  to 
do  so,  but  not  otherwise.  As  it  is  now  the  cus- 
tom for  gentlemen  to  wear  evening  dress  in  the 
evening,  most  young  men  of  fashion  do  so  at 
their  clubs ;  but  a  gentleman  can  appear  in  morn- 
ing dress  if  he  prefer,  just  as  he  could  at  his  own 
home. 

To  conform  to  the  rules  about  smoking, — 
avoiding  pipe-smoking  where  it  is  forbidden  by 
the  rules  of  the  house,  and  smoking  only  in  those 
places  where  and  at  those  times  when  it  is  allowed 


®f  a  efu6  307 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 


To  make  a  practice  of  dining  early,  in  order  to 
more  than  one's  share  of  some  article  of 
^^hich  there  is  a  limited  supply. 

To  demand  from  the  waiters  an  undue  amount 
of  attention. 

To  become  unduly  excited  about  matters  re- 
lating to  religion  or  politics,  or  to  endeavor  to 
instruct  a  circle  of  persons  who  have  expressed 
no  desire  to  hear  a  lecture. 

To  boast  of  one's  social  or  other  successes. 

To  monopolize  an  undue  proportion  of  news- 
papers and  magazines,  especially  at  a  club  where 
there  is  only  one  copy  of  each  publication. 

To  be  unduly  curious  as  to  the  doings  or  say- 
ings of  other  members,  or  to  try  to  find  out  what 
they  are  having  for  dinner. 

To  bring  a  dog  to  a  club-house. 

To  play  games  on  Sunday  at  a  club-house 
where  this  is  not  allowed. 


3o8  t^e  Correct  t^inq 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  be  careful  of  the  club  property,  and  refrain 
from  destroying  or  mutilating  books,  newspapers, 
etc. 

For  members  to  avoid  speaking  about  ladies, 
within  the  club  precincts.  A  notorious  club- 
scandal  some  years  ago  in  New  York,  and  the 
consequent  lawsuit,  made  it  patent  to  every  one 
that  a  gentleman  ought  not  to  introduce  the  name 
of  a  lady  into  a  conversation  at  a  club-house  ;  for 
though  he  may  do  so  in  an  entirely  respectful 
manner,  his  words  nevertheless  give  an  oppor- 
tunity to  the  thoughtless  or  evil-tongued  to  make 
careless  or  injurious  remarks  about  the  person 
in  question. 

For  a  club-member  to  be  extremely  careful  not 
to  introduce  to  his  club,  persons  for  whose  char- 
acter and  respectability  he  is  unable  to  vouch, 
since  the  member  who  introduces  a  guest  to  a 
club  is  responsible  not  only  for  his  behavior,  but 
also  for  any  debts  which  he  may  contract 


(^i  a  £fu6  309 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  take  books,  pamphlets,  magazines  or  other 
property  of  a  club,  away  from  the  club-building. 

For  club-members  to  be  careless  in  their  re- 
marks, or  to  indulge  in  talking  gossip  or  scandal. 
Although  a  gentleman  is  no  longer  obliged  to 
answer  for  his  words  with  his  sword,  as  was  the 
custom  in  the  days  of  our  ancestors,  he  should 
for  this  very  reason  feel  in  honor  bound  to 
be  a  law  unto  himself,  and  to  remember  that 
noblesse  oblige. 

For  a  member  or  guest  to  send  a  servant  or 
employ^  of  a  club  out  of  the  club-house  on  any 
business  of  his  own,  without  first  obtaining  per- 
mission from  the  clerk  or  superintendent. 

For  the  guest  of  a  club  to  introduce  another 
person  into  the  club-house.  This  would  obvi- 
ously be  an  improper  proceeding,  and  a  violation 
of  the  laws  of  hospitality. 


3IO  t^e  Comet  t^tn^ 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

For  a  guest  to  avail  himself  of  any  or  all  of  the 
privileges  to  which  the  by-laws  entitle  him,  during 
the  time  that  he  is  the  guest  of  a  club,  whether 
it  be  for  a  day  or  a  month. 

For  the  guest  of  a  club  to  conform  to  its  rules 
and  regulations,  remembering  that  the  friend  who 
introduced  him  will  be  held  responsible  for  any 
violation  of  these  laws  on  his  part. 

For  the  guest  of  a  club  to  leave  one  card  on 
the  last  day  that  he  visits  it,  addressed  "  To 

the  President  and  Members  of  the  Club." 

This  card  is  in  reality  a  P.  p.  c.  card,  and  should 
be  handed  to  the  clerk  at  the  desk,  or  put  in 
a  frame  provided  for  the  purpose  at  some  club 
houses,  or  in  the  frame  of  the  looking-glass. 
Some  clubs  have  a  scrap-book,  in  which  are 
pasted  the  cards  of  distinguished  guests. 


(St  a  €fu6  311 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

For  any  person,  member  or  guest,  to  wear  his 
hat  in  the  club-restaurant.  According  to  the 
rule  in  our  American  cities,  no  gentleman  wears 
his  hat  at  a  club-house  while  eating  either  lunch- 
eon or  dinner ;  but  in  London  it  is  considered 
allowable  for  a  gentleman  to  do  so  at  luncheon, 
even  at  the  fashionable  club-houses.  An  Eng- 
lish nobleman  once  caused  no  small  commotion 
in  New  York  club  circles,  by  wearing  his  hat 
while  he  ate  his  luncheon.  The  members  of  the 
club  where  the  incident  occurred  were  much 
offended  at  this  act  of  unintentional  rudeness. 

To  present  a  guest  in  a  formal  manner  to  the 
officers  or  members  of  a  club,  unless  he  ask  for 
such  presentation,  or  unless  there  be  some 
special  reason  why  it  should  be  made. 


312  t^e  Coxuci  tUm 


It  is  the  Correct  Tiling 

For  critics  to  remember  that  women's  colleges 
are  new,  while  behind  the  older  universities 
stands  the  culture  of  the  centuries. 

To  remember  that  "The  Eternal  Feminine 
which  leads  ever  upward  "  stands  for  refinement, 
spirituality,  unselfish  love. 

To  remember  that  the  female  sex  for  ages 
past  has  stood  for  the  altruistic  principle. 

To  remember  Emerson's  sayings  :  "  There  is 
always  time  for  courtesy."  "  Good  manners  are 
made  up  of  petty  sacrifices." 

To  behave  so  as  to  refute  the  statement  that 
women  deteriorate  in  manners  at  college,  while 
men  improve. 

To  remember  that  privileges  necessarily  entail 
responsibilities,  and  if  one  is  old  enough  to  guide 
her  own  conduct,  she  is  too  old  to  behave  like  a 
child  or  a  schoolgirl. 

To  moderate  so  far  as  possible  the  conceit 
sometimes  attendant  upon  the  acquisition  of  in^ 
formation,  especially  during  the  sophomore  year. 


(^i  Coffecje  313 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

For  critics  to  expect  at  once  in  women's  col- 
leges, the  ripeness  and  perfection  of  long-estab- 
lished universities. 

To  forget  that  women  are  the  high-priests  of 
courtesy,  whose  special  duty  it  is  to  preserve  the 
refinements  and  graces  of  life. 

To  ape  the  manners  or  behavior  of  men, 
since  a  woman  can  make  but  a  poor  copy  of  a 
man,  and  that  copy  not  a  pleasing  one. 

To  fancy  that  collegians  are  a  class  apart, 
superior  to  the  usual  obligations  of  life ;  hence  — 

To  be  neglectful  of  the  small  sacrifices  and 
little  amenities  which  add  so  much  to  the  charm 
of  life. 

To  be  purely  selfish,  considering  one's  own 
intellectual  culture  the  supreme  thing  in  life. 


314  Conut  t^iuQ 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  be  ever  womanly,  however  merry  and  full 
of  spirits. 

To  remember  that  a  lady  is  always  distin- 
guished by  quiet  behavior  in  public  places. 

To  remember  the  poet's  words  :  "  Her  voice 
was  ever  soft,  gentle  and  low,  an  excellent  thing 
in  woman." 

To  remember  that  "  Order  is  heaven's  first 
law ;  "  hence  to  keep  one's  rooms  and  belongings 
in  college,  tidy  and  in  order. 

To  be  considerate  in  the  demands  made  on 
servants. 

To  remember  that  despite  the  independence  of 
college  life,  girl  students  are  amenable  to  the 
same  social  laws  as  the  rest  of  the  world,  and 
need  a  chaperon  for  social  occasions,  just  like 
other  girls  of  the  same  age. 

To  go  to  a  dance  under  the  care  of  a  chaperon, 
or  to  go  without  one  to  a  dance  at  a  private 
house  where  no  older  ladies  are  invited,  save  the 
special  friends  of  the  hostess. 


315 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  allow  the  high  spirits  of  youth  to  run  away 
with  one,  and  to  be  noisy  in  the  streets  and  pub- 
lic places. 

To  let  the  athletic  girl  degenerate  into  the 
tomboy. 

To  be  loud  and  noisy  when  travelling,  even 
where  the  car  is  filled  with  college  girls  alone. 

To  imagine  that,  because  one  has  a  cultivated 
intellect,  one  has  a  divine  right  to  be  waited 
upon,  wherever  one  may  happen  to  be. 

To  be  untidy  and  careless,  leaving  one's 
clothes  and  boots  lying  about,  as  if  one  were  a 
royal  personage  on  whom  dom.estics  should  never 
tire  of  waiting. 

To  lock  one's  door  and  carry  away  the  key, 
when  living  at  a  private  house. 

To  wear  loud  and  startling  costumes  when 
attending  football  games  or  other  athletic  con- 
tests at  men's  colleges. 

To  go  to  the  theatre  with  a  gentleman  and 
without  a  chaperon. 


3i6  55e  Correct  Z^inq 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  go  without  a  chaperon  t6  the  senior 
dance  at  Harvard,  since  this  is  now  the  custom, 
and  a  number  of  ladies  well  known  in  society 
matronize  this  dance. 

To  ask  one  of  the  house  mothers  or  teachers  to 
act  as  matron  at  a  dance  or  a  theatre  party. 

To  have  a  teacher  or  some  older  lady  present 
as  a  chaperon  at  any  entertainment  to  which 
gentlemen  are  invited. 

If  you  desire  to  visit  your  brother's  room  in 
college,  to  notify  him  where  he  can  meet  you 
and  your  chaperon,  as  according  to  college  rules, 
ladies  must  not  enter  the  buildings  except  undet 
the  escort  of  students. 

For  two  or  more  students  to  go  together  to  a 
matinee  at  the  theatre,  where  college  rules  per- 
mit this. 

To  treat  with  respect  and  consideration  fel- 
low students  who  are  working  their  own  way 
through  college,  and  to  lend  them  a  helping  hand, 
should  they  need  it,  in  a  spirit  of  true  fellowship. 


(^f  Coffege  317 

I  s— -  I  .  — — ■'II 

It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  go  to  a  tea  or  class-day  spread  or  an^r 
entertainment  at  a  man's  college  without  a 
chaperon 

For  graduates  to  be  so  anxious  to  perform  a 
"  WORK  "  as  to  neglect  the  "  work  "  awaiting 
them  at  home. 

For  yo'.mg  girls  to  go  to  the  theatre  in  the 
evening  without  a  chaperon. 

To  go  to  a  restaurant  alone  with  a  gentleman 
at  any  time  of  day,  unless  it  be  an  elderly  relative 
or  fri'^i^nd. 

To  drive  alone  with  a  gentleman  on  lonely 
and  unfrequented  roads,  at  any  time  of  day. 

To  receive  presents  of  jewelry  from  gentle- 
men, or  any  gifts  save  flowers,  fruit  or  candy  in 
moderation. 

To  allow  a  poor  fellow  student  to  suffer  for 
want  of  assistance. 

To  offer  her  financial  aid  in  any  save  the  most 
delicate  way,  and  always  as  a  loan  to  be  repaid 
at  her  convenience. 


3i8  Z^c  Correct  Z^im 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

In  all  matters  pertaining  to  a  class,  to  arrange 
the  expenses  in  such  a  way  as  to  enable  all 
to  contribute,  should  they  desire,  and  to  allow 
none  to  feel  burdened. 

To  have  class-day  exercises  and  entertain- 
ments conducted  on  a  simple  yet  dignified  scale, 
remembering  that  lavish  display  and  expense  are 
out  of  place  at  an  institution  of  learning,  espe- 
cially in  a  democratic  country. 

To  have  invitations  to  class-day  or  commence- 
ment festivities  issued  in  the  name  of  the  class 
of  nineteen  hundred  and  blank,  of  a  college 
fraternity  or  society,  or  of  several  students  join- 
ing together  for  a  spread. 

To  have  such  invitations  engraved  on  plain 
white  paper  or  cards  of  the  best  material. 

To  have  the  names  of  those  giving  the  invita- 
tion engraved  at  the  foot  of  it,  or  where  there 
are  too  many  to  make  this  convenient,  to  have 
simply  the  names  of  the  members  of  the  com- 
mittee or  the  name  of  the  class  secretary. 


(^t  Coffege  319 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  make  class  assessments  or  class-day  ex- 
penses so  heavy  as  to  be  a  burden  on  the  poorer 
members,  or  to  bar  them  out. 

To  send  an  invitation  to  a  young  lady  to  attend 
class-day  at  a  man's  college  without  inviting  her 
mother. 

To  send  out  an  invitation  in  the  name  of  a 
class  or  society,  without  giving  that  of  any  per- 
son to  whom  a  reply  could  be  sent. 

For  guests  to  leave  their  tickets  at  home  and 
then  expect  to  be  admitted  to  the  college  yard, 
chapel,  exercises  or  dances,  forgetting  that  occa* 
sions  at  a  college  are  not  like  those  at  a  private 
house,  and  that  strict  rules  must  of  necessity  be 
made,  forbidding  admission  without  ticket  or  card 
of  invitation. 

For  students  inviting  guests  from  a  distance 
to  forget  provide  for  their  comfort  and  con- 
venience. 


320  Correct  ^'^mg 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  have  class-pins  and  class-day  dresses,  as 
well  as  student's  caps  and  gowns,  simple  and 
inexpensive. 

To  enclose  also  the  visiting-card  of  the  student 
who  sends  the  invitation,  should  one  wish  to  do  so. 

Where  an  answer  is  desired,  to  put  "  R.  s.  v.  p." 

To  reply  promptly  to  such  an  invitation,  since 
at  some  colleges  it  is  necessary  to  send  a  second 
communication  containing  tickets  of  admission, 
to  those  who  accept. 

At  some  colleges  for  the  president  of  the 
senior  class  to  receive  with  the  president  of  the 
college  on  class-day. 

For  the  students  at  a  man's  college  to  "re- 
quest the  pleasure "  when  inviting  ladies. 

When  the  invitation  is  from  part  of  a  class 
only,  to  put  at  the  head  of  it  "Harvard  Class- 
day  "  with  the  date  of  year,  month  and  day. 

To  remember  what  Goethe  has  said  of  raver 
ence,  and  to  show  respect  to  parents,  teachers 
and  elders. 


Coffege  321 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  have  the  class-pin  or  class-day  entertain- 
ments showy  and  expensive. 

To  engage  in  hazing.  This  relic  of  the 
dark  ages  is  passing  away  from  our  foremost 
universities. 

For  guests  to  expect  constant  attention  from 
their  hosts,  the  members  of  the  senior  class, 
since  the  latter  are  usually  obliged  to  be  present 
at  various  class  exercises  and  receptions. 

For  the  students  at  a  man's  college  to  use  the 
*'  At  home  "  form  for  inviting  ladies. 


To  look  down  upon  your  parents,  because  they 
know  less  Latin  and  Greek  than  you,  or  are  igno- 
rant of  modern  science,  forgetting  that  they 
stand  high  in  a  school  on  the  threshold  of  which 
you  have  set  your  foot —  the  school  of  life. 


32  2  Z^c  Comet  Z^wiQ 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  be  grateful  to  one's  parents  for  the  privi- 
lege of  going  to  college,  especially  where  the 
latter  are  at  great  sacrifice  giving  their  sons  and 
daughters  advantages  which  they  themselves 
never  enjoyed. 

To  be  moderate  in  your  demands  for  remit- 
tances from  home. 

To  pay  all  college  bills  and  all  tradesmen's 
and  other  accounts  promptly. 


(^t  Coffege  323 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  write  home  only  when  you  need  money. 
To  go  away  from  college  without  paying  your 
debts. 

To  borrow  from  fellow  students  and  forget  to 
return  or  repay. 

To  borrow  constantly  and  thoughtlessly. 

To  delay  in  repaying  what  you  owe,  especially 
to  people  who  live  by  day's  wages,  and  hence  can^ 
not  afford  to  wait. 


324  Z^c  Cotttd  Z^inQ 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  remember  that  the  scheme  of  a  coeduca- 
tional college  implies  a  high  ideal  of  conduct 
and  manners  for  both  men  and  women. 

For  the  women  to  be  frank  and  courteous  in 
manner  toward  their  fellow  students,  yet  always 
dignified  and  ever  mindful  of  maidenly  reserve. 

For  the  women  students  to  win  their  way  by 
gentleness  and  an  appeal  to  the  sense  of  fair 
play  among  the  men. 

For  the  women  to  expect  from  their  fellow 
students  the  little  acts  of  courtesy  characteristic 
of  men  of  good  breeding. 

For  the  women  to  do  all  things  in  a  womanly 
way. 

For  the  women  to  ask  only  for  a  fair  field  and 
no  favor  in  their  studies.  ^ 

For  men  and  women  students  to  show  a  spirit 
of  generous  emulation  in  their  studies,  '^ejoicin^ 
in  the  success  of  clever  or  hard  working  coiiega- 
mates,  whether  men  or  women. 


(^i  a  Coe^ucationaf  Coffege  325 


It  is  not  the  Correct^  Thing 

To  indulge  in  flirtations  and  coquetry,  which 
are  out  of  place  at  college. 

To  be  familiar  in  manner. 

For  the  men  to  forget  the  chivalry  due  to  all 
women. 

For  the  women  to  be  aggressive,  arousing  an- 
tagonism and  dislike. 

For  the  women,  when  newly  admitted  to  an 
institution  of  learning  reserved  up  to  that  time 
for  men,  to  ask  for  unnecessary  innovations  or 
to  interfere  with  time-honored  customs,  where 
this  can  possibly  be  avoided. 

For  the  men  to  object  because  the  women  de- 
vote their  principal  time  to  study,  and  so  carry 
off  the  prizes. 

For  women  to  expect  to  receive  special  con- 
sideration in  their  work  as  students,  or  for  them 
to  weep  copiously  over  low  marks,  thus  embar- 
rassing the  professor,  and  taking  an  unfaif 
advantage  of  the  fact  of  their  sex. 


326  Correct  Z^im 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  treat  the  scholars  as  if  you  expected  them 
to  do  right  and  behave  well ;  as  if  you  had  con- 
fidence in  them. 

To  check  promptly  insubordination  and  bad 
behavior,  as  something  unworthy  of  the  pupils. 

To  keep  eyes  and  ears  open. 

To  drop  the  voice  a  note  or  two  lower  rather 
than  to  elevate  it  when  it  is  necessary  to  quell 
rising  disorder,  since  you  show  in  this  way  that 
you  have  yourself  under  command. 

To  call  the  boys  "  men  "  at  the  earliest  age 
possible,  if  you  wish  to  win  their  esteem  and 
confidence. 

To  remember  that  young  and  healthy  children 
cannot  sit  absolutely  still  and  quiet  very  long  at 
a  time  without  torture. 

To  have  several  short  intermissions,  at  least 
allowing  the  pupils  to  pass  from  one  room  to 
another  to  rest  their  limbs  tired  of  sitting  still. 

To  speak  in  language  suited  to  the  age  of  the 
pupils,  avoiding  words  in  "  osity  "  and  "  ation." 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  subject  the  pupils  to  a  system  of  espionage, 
or  to  treat  them  as  if  they  and  the  teacher  were 
natural  enemies. 

To  treat  boys  and  girls  in  their  teens  as  if 
they  were  little  children,  failing  to  recognize  the 
fact  that  they  are  growing  to  be  men  and  women. 

To  lose  your  temper,  thereby  compromising 
your  own  dignity. 

To  be  provoked  with  those  who  do  not  laugh 
at  your  jokes. 

To  require  or  expect  young  children  to  sit 
quiet  for  long  periods  of  time. 

To  be  surprised  at  their  squirming  like  eels 
when  nature  teaches  them  to  do  so. 

To  make  very  complicated  rules  and  regula- 
tions, giving  the  scholars  the  impression  that 
they  are  governed  by  red-tape,  rather  than  by 
warm  human  sympathy. 

To  allow  the  bigger  boys  to  bully  and  mal- 
treat  the  smaller  ones,  without  telling  them  how 
unmanly  such  conduct  is. 


328  55e  Cottect  Z^inci 

It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  have  a  love  of  learning  for  its  own  sake, 
and  to  try  to  inspire  the  pupils  with  the  same 
love. 

For  young  teachers  to  join  with  their  pupils  in 
out-door  games  and  sports. 

To  illustrate  studies  by  concrete  and  visible 
objects,  whenever  it  is  possible  to  do  so. 

To  remember  that  you  were  once  a  boy  —  or 
a  girl,  as  the  case  may  be  —  yourself. 

To  remember  that  you  are  being  educated  for 
your  own  benefit,  and  if  you  refuse  to  learn,  you 
are  cheating  yourself  out  of  an  education. 

To  remember  that  the  calling  of  the  teacher 
is  one  of  the  highest  and  noblest,  as  well  as 
the  most  thankless  and  difficult  in  the  world: 
hence  — 

To  treat  your  teachers  with  respect,  bidding 
them  good  morning,  and  at  the  close  of  the 
school,  good  afternoon. 

To  behave  with  as  much  politeness  at  school 
as  you  would  at  home  or  elsewhere. 


(jXf  §c^oo{  329 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  look  upon  your  school  work  as  a  dry  and 
wearisome  task,  and  expect  that  you  can  under 
?uch  circumstances  interest  your  scholars. 

To  allow  the  establishment  of  a  snow  block- 
ade, to  the  terror  of  the  younger  and  more  timid 
scholars,  and  the  great  discomfort  of  passers-by. 

To  pay  no  attention  to  what  the  scholars  do 
on  their  way  to  school  and  out  of  school  hours 
generally. 

To  regard  your  lessons  as  poisonous  drugs 
tvhich  your  teachers  are  trying  to  force  down 
your  throat. 

To  imagine  that  the  office  of  teacher  is  a 

menial  one,  thus  showing  your  ignorance  of  the 
fact  that  many  of  the  greatest  and  wisest  men 
have  held  it. 

To  fail  to  greet  your  teachers  courteously  on 
arriving  at  school  and  on  leaving  it. 

To  answer  back  or  be  saucy. 

To  try  to  show  your  teacher  that  you  know 
more  than  he  does.    It  is  not  likely  that  you  do 


330  C9e  Cottui  t^xrxQ 


It  is  the  Correct  Thmg 

To  spare  your  teacher,  who  has  many  things 
to  tire  her  head,  unnecessary  noise. 

To  be  loyal  to  your  school,  and  to  try  to  make 
it  the  best  school  possible. 

To  remember  that  as  no  two  leaves  on  a  tree, 
no  two  persons  in  the  world  are  exactly  alike,  so 
no  two  schools  exist  under  precisely  the  same 
conditions. 

To  remember  also  that  each  principal  has  her. 
own  theories  to  carry  out,  her  own  special  pupils 
to  deal  with  :  hence  — 

To  accept  the  school  as  it  is. 

To  remember  that  learning  has  its  pleasures 
and  that  school  days  should  be  happy  days.  A 
sensible  boy  or  girl  will  try  to  enjoy  school  life, 
and  to  make  it  pleasant  for  his  fellows. 


(^f  ^c^oof  331 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  forget  that  you  have  been  placed  under  your 
teacher's  guardianship  by  your  parents ;  hence 
they  act  by  authority  from  your  father  and  mother. 

To  slam  desks  or  thump  down  books,  rejoicing 
in  noise  like  a  young  savage. 

To  sneer  at  or  depreciate  other  schools. 

For  those  who  have  changed  from  one  school  to 
another,  to  disparage  the  latter,  comparing  it  unfa- 
vorably with  the  one  you  have  left,  thus  inspiring 
a  spirit  of  discontent  among  your  schoolmates. 

To  act  as  if  you  thought  your  views  and  ideas 
were  of  more  consequence  than  those  of  the 
principal,  when  he  or  she  has  given  years  of 
study  to  the  subject. 

To  try  to  run  the  school  according  to  your 
views,  a  course  of  conduct  that  will  be  apt  to 
end  disastrously  for  you. 

To  make  your  teacher's  life  a  burden  to  her. 
This  is  easily  accomplished  and  does  not  show 
cleverness  nor  originality  on  the  part  of  the 
scholar.  It  has  been  done  many  times  by  stupid 
and  thoughtless  boys. 


332  Cottut 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  remember  that  at  a  boarding-school  the 
chief  object  is  study ;  hence  quiet  must  be 
maintained. 

To  remember  that  where  a  large  number  of 
young  people  are  gathered  together,  stricter  rules 
must  be  enforced  than  at  home,  in  order  to  en- 
sure quiet,  and  to  prevent  noise  and  confusion. 

To  remember  that  your  parents  have  selected 
this  school  as  the  one  most  suited  to  your  needs 
and  requirements. 

To  conform  to  the  rules  and  regulations  of  the 
school. 

To  enter  the  dining-room  quietly,  standing 
behind  your  chair  until  the  teacher  gives  the 
signal  to  sit  down,  or  to  wait  in  the  hall  until 
the  teacher  has  passed  in,  following  her,  accord- 
ing to  the  custom  of  the  school. 

To  remember  that  in  a  large  school,  as  in  an 
army,  there  must  be  strict  discipline  in  order  to 
accomplish  good  results. 


@f  a  ^oax'bxnQ  ^  Bc^oot  333 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  grumble  at  the  rules  and  regulations. 

To  expect  to  behave  in  all  respects  as  one 
would  at  home. 

To  run  up  and  down  stairs,  or  to  talk  in  the 
halls  during  study  hours. 

To  resist  the  efforts  of  the  principal  to  im- 
prove your  manners  and  behavior,  forgetting 
that  the  time  has  come  for  you  to  lay  aside 
childish  things. 

To  mimic  your  teacher  or  the  other  inmates  of 
the  school.  Mimicry  is  a  form  of  mockery,  and 
is  always  ill-bred  and  often  insulting. 

To  indulge  in  awkward  habits  and  ungraceful 
attitudes,  such  as  tucking  your  feet  up  on  the 
rungs  of  the  chair,  sitting  with  your  knees 
crossed,  etc. 

To  giggle  or  shout  and  scream  with  laughter. 

To  expect  from  the  servants  the  same  amount 
of  service  as  in  a  private  house,  since  they  have 
m^¥  more  persons  to  wait  upon. 


334  Cotncf  $5in3 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  remember  that  the  principal  may  have 
reasons  of  her  own  which  it  may  not  be  best  to 
tell  the  scholars,  as  in  Miss  Edgeworth's  story  of 
"  Barring  Out." 

To  be  courteous  to  strangers  and  to  those 
visiting  the  school. 

To  rise  when  your  teacher  or  a  guest  enters 
the  room. 

To  respect  the  property  of  others,  and  to  re- 
frain from  imprinting  your  illustrious  name  or 
initials  on  desks,  window-panes  and  walls. 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  expect  at  a  city  school  the  same  freedom 
possible  at  an  establishment  in  the  country. 

For  "  three  little  girls  going  to  scliooi "  to  for- 
get to  turn  out  for  the  passers-by,  thus  perhaps 
forcing  those  whom  they  meet  off  the  sidewalk. 

To  expect  to  eat  a  large  quantity  of  candy, 
and  then  be  surprised  if  you  have  the  toothache 
or  are  made  ill. 

To  rise  when  seated  at  your  desk  or  in  class, 
when  the  rules  of  the  school  do  not  permit  it 

To  decorate  walls,  furniture  or  books  with 
carvings  from  your  penknife  or  with  your  pencil 


336  Cotuci  t^inq 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

For  one  or  more  women  of  standing  in  a  com- 
munity to  invite  their  friends  and  those  likely  to 
be  interested  in  their  project,  to  meet  at  a  cer- 
tain time  and  place,  for  the  purpose  of  forming  a 
Woman's  Club. 

For  one  of  those  who  has  issued  these  invita- 
tions, to  call  the  meeting  to  order  at  the  appointed 
time,  and  ask  for  the  nomination  of  a  chair- 
man. 

When  a  chairman  has  been  named,  for  the 
same  person  to  ask  those  present  to  vote  on  the 
following  question :  "  Shall  Mrs.  S   be  re- 
quested to  take  the  chair?" 

For  Mrs.  S  to  take  the  chair  and  conduct 

the  proceedings  if  the  vote  is  in  the  affirmative. 
If  it  is  in  the  negative,  to  call  for  another  nomi- 
nation, and  so  on,  until  some  one  is  elected  chair- 
man of  the  meeting. 

For  the  chairman  to  call  for  the  nomination  of 
a  secretary  for  the  meeting,  to  be  elected  in  the 
same  manner. 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

For  a  stranger  or  a  person  little  known  in  the 
community,  to  issue  a  call  for  the  formation  of  a 
woman's  club,  \Yithout  obtaining  the  approval 
and  cooperation  of  one  or  more  women  of 
influence. 

For  a  woman  to  form  a  club,  merely  because 
she  wishes  to  hold  the  office  of  president. 

For  those  opposed  to  the  formation  of  the 
club,  to  nominate  a  chairman  of  their  way  of 
thinking.  This  would  be  unfair  to  those  calling 
the  meeting. 

For  any  one  to  act  as  chairman  who  has  not 
been  elected  to  that  office. 

For  any  one  to  act  as  chairman  who  has  no 
knowledge  of  parliamentary  law. 

For  a  chairman  to  declare  any  measure  carried, 
unless  it  has  first  been  voted  upon. 

For  the  chairman  to  call  for  the  "  ayes  '*  only, 
omitting  to  call  for  the  noes.'* 

For  the  chairman  to  state  any  question  un- 
fairly or  in  a  way  to  cast  ridicule  on  it 


338  Correct  t^in^ 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

For  the  chairman  to  ask  one  or  more  of  those 
vho  have  called  the  meeting,  to  address  it, 
stating  their  plan  and  their  reasons  for  it. 

At  the  conclusion  of  such  address  or  addresses, 
for  some  one  to  arise  and  say,  "  Madam  Chair- 
man," or  "  Madam  President,  T  move  that  we 
now  proceed  to  the  formation  of  a  woman's 
club." 

For  another  member  of  the  meeting  to  arise 
and  say,  "  Madam  President,  I  second  that 
motion." 

For  the  chairman  to  state  to  the  meeting  what 
the  motion  is,  as  for  instance,  "  It  is  moved  and 
seconded  that  we  now  proceed  to  the  formation 
of  a  woman's  club." 

For  those  who  desire,  to  arise  and  speak, 
either  in  favor  of  or  against  the  motion. 

For  a  member  to  preface  her  remarks  by 
addressing  the  chair,  saying  "  Madam  Presi- 
dent," or  "  Madam  Chairman,"  adding  her  own 
name,  where  she  sees  she  is  not  recognized. 


(^f  a  Woman's  €fu6  339 


It  is  not  tile  Correct  Thing 

For  a  chairman  to  snub  or  discourage  from 
speaking,  those  whose  views  do  not  coincide 
with  her  own. 

For  her  to  allow  a  speaker  to  wander  away 
from  the  subject  in  hand. 

For  the  secretary  to  omit  to  take  notes  at  the 
time  of  the  meeting. 

For  those  present  to  make  factious  or  unfair 
opposition  to  the  plans  before  the  meeting,  or  to 
throw  cold  water  over  all  proposals. 

To  address  any  one  in  the  meeting,  except  the 
chairman. 

To  begin  to  speak  without  first  addressing  the 
chair. 

To  feel  hurt  because  some  one  else  is  recog- 
nized by  the  chair.  It  is  the  duty  of  the  chair- 
man to  recognize  the  person  who  first  catches 
her  eye. 

To  say  "  Miss  President "  or  "  Miss  Chair- 
man," or  to  address  this  lady  by  her  name,  as 
"Mrs.  Smith-" 


340  Comet  t^tnci 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

For  the  chairman  to  recognize  the  lady  desir- 
ing to  speak,  saying  "  Mrs.  Jones  has  the  floor," 
or  simply  "  Mrs.  Jones." 

When  the  matter  has  been  sufficiently  debated, 
for  some  one  to  call  for  a  vote  on  it,  saying,  "  I 
call  for  the  question,"  or  simply  "Question." 

For  the  chairman  to  say  "  As  many  as  are  in 
favor  of  forming  a  woman's  club,  please  say 
*  Aye,'  "  or  if  preferred,  "  raise  the  right  hand." 

When  the  affirmative  vote  has  been  taken,  for 
the  chairman  to  call  for  the  negative  vote,  say- 
ing, "  Those  who  are  opposed,  will  please  say 
'  No.' " 

If  the  vote  is  decided  in  the  affirmative,  for 
some  one  to  call  for  the  appointment  of  a  com- 
mittee by  the  chair  or  by  the  assembly  to  draft 
a  constitution  and  by-laws. 

For  the  question  of  permanent  organization 
to  be  deferred  to  a  later  hour  or  to  another  day, 
when  the  committee  on  constitution  and  by-laws 
may  report. 


(^f  a  Woman's  €fu6  341 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  address  the  chair  without  rising,  save  on 
very  informal  occasions. 

To  debate  a  question  before  it  has  been  for- 
mally stated  from  the  chair. 

When  speaking  to  a  question,  to  wander  off 
into  side  issues  or  irrelevant  details,  or  to  be 
very  long-winded  or  prosy. 

To  endeavor  to  force  the  meeting  to  decide  for 
or  against  a  plan,  before  it  has  been  thoroughly 
debated,  by  cries  of  "  Question." 

To  be  afraid  to  vote  "  no  "  lest  one  should  be 
the  only  person  to  do  so. 

To  follow  your  neighbors  like  a  flock  of  sheep, 
and  vote  "  aye  "  because  Mrs.  A  does. 

To  vote  without  fully  understanding  what  the 
question  before  the  meeting  is. 

For  the  chair  to  appoint  as  chairman  of  a 
committee,  some  one  not  in  favor  of  the  object 
for  which  it  is  formed. 

To  have  a  long  and  ambiguous  constitution. 


342 


Comet  $pmg 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

For  such  constitution  and  by-laws  to  set  forth 
briefly  and  clearly  the  objects  of  the  society  to 
be  formed,  and  also  what  the  officers  shall  be, 
and  how  they  shall  be  elected. 

If  the  constitution  is  adopted  by  vote  of 
the  meeting,  to  proceed  to  the  election  of  offi- 
cers. 

For  a  club  to  decide  in  accordance  with  what 
manual  of  parliamentary  law  its  proceedings 
shall  be  conducted. 

In  a  large  club,  to  have  the  election  of  mem- 
bers entrusted  to  an  executive  board,  the  pro- 
ceedings being  conducted  with  inviolable  secrecy, 
or  — 

To  have  a  membership  committee  whose  duty 
it  shall  be  to  inquire  into  the  fitness  of  those 
recommended  for  new^  members. 

Where  it  is  known  that  a  candidate  for  mem- 
bership cannot  be  elected,  to  give  the  member 
who  proposed  her  a  chance  to  withdraw  the 
name  before  it  is  voted  upon. 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  have  one  which  does  not  set  forth  under 
what  circumstances  it  can  be  amended,  and  con- 
tains no  provision  for  the  election  of  ofncers. 

For  the  chairman  to  engage  in  debate  while 
occupying  the  chair,  since  her  position  gives  her 
an  unfair  advantage. 

To  adopt  a  constitution  and  by-laws  which  do 
not  mention  the  number  of  persons  necessary  to 
form  a  quorum  for  the  transaction  of  business,  nor 
state  clearly  the  amount  of  annual  or  monthly  dues, 
to  whom  and  at  what  time  they  shall  be  paid,  etc. 

To  adopt  a  long  constitution  cumbered  with 
minute  details,  when  a  club  is  first  organized, 
and  before  the  members  know  just  what  they 
want  and  need. 

To  tie  up  the  constitution  and  by-laws  with  too 
many  "  nots,''  a  common  fault  with  women's  clubs. 

In  a  large  club,  to  have  the  balloting  for 
members  conducted  by  the  whole  body,  since  if 
any  one  should  fail  to  be  elected,  this  unpleasant 
fact  could  hardly  be  kept  a  secret. 


344  €omcf  t^irxQ 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

For  the  president  to  call  the  club  to  order  at 
the  appointed  hour,  and  preside  over  its  meet- 
ings,  preserving  order  and  quiet  by  a  light  tap 
of  the  gavel,  when  she  finds  the  members  are 
inclined  to  talk  together  rather  than  to  listen  to 
the  speaker. 

For  her  to  bring  the  business  of  the  day  before 
the  club  in  proper  order,  calling  upon  the  secre- 
tary to  read  communications  to  the  society,  and 
introducing  the  speakers. 

For  her  to  enforce  the  rules  of  parliamentary 
law,  stating  in  the  proper  manner,  and  putting  to 
vote,  all  questions  which  are  regularly  moved, 
and  deciding  what  questions  may  and  what 
may  not  properly  come  before  the  club  at  that 
time. 

For  her  "To  represent  and  stand  for  the 
assembly,  declaring  its  will ;  and  in  all  things 
obeying  implicitly  its  commands "  (Cushing's 
Manual  of  parliamentary  practice). 


a^t  a  OJ?oman'0  €fu6  345 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  blackball  any  one,  unless  for  very  strong 
reasons. 

Under  any  circumstanceSj  to  let  the  fact  be 
known  outside  a  club,  that  a  person  proposed 
for  membership  has  been  blackballed. 

For  the  president  to  behave  as  if  she  were  a 
personal  ruler  or  — 

For  club  members  to  feel  obliged  to  adopt 
her  opinion  or  agree  with  her  policy.  This 
attitude,  too  often  prevalent  in  women's  clubs, 
is  doubtless  due  to  the  fact  that  women  are  not 
yet  thoroughly  familiar  with  the  habits  of  de- 
liberative bodies,  and  fear  to  seem  lacking  in 
courtesy. 


346  Z^t  Cotmi  t^in^ 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

For  the  secretary  to  prepare  beforehand 
the  order  of  business  for  the  day,  for  the 
convenience  of  the  presiding  officer,  and  to 
remind  the  latter  of  anything  that  has  been 
forgotten. 

For  the  secretary  to  record  carefully  all 
motions  and  the  vote  upon  them. 

For  the  secretary  to  copy  the  notes  taken  at 
the  meeting  into  her  book,  if  she  choose  to  do 
so. 

For  her  to  read,  at  the  opening  of  each  meet- 
ing, the  minutes  of  the  previous  meeting. 

If  these  have  already  been  entered  in  her 
record  book,  and  the  club  order  any  corrections 
or  alterations  to  be  made,  for  her  to  write,  in 
recording  the  last  meeting,  "  The  minutes  of 
such  and  such  a  date  were  read,  and  it  was 
ordered  that  such  and  such  corrections  (or  addi- 
tions) be  made." 

For  the  secretary  to  resign  her  office,  if  ordered 
to  write  what  she  believes  not  to  be  true. 


a  Woman's  Cfufi  347 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

For  the  secretary  to  twist  or  distort  the  ac- 
count of  the  proceedings,  or  to  enter  in  her 
minutes  only  those  motions  with  which  she  is  in 
sympathy. 

For  the  secretary  to  enter  the  minutes  in  the 
record  book,  where  she  has  failed  to  take  notes 
at  the  time,  and  is  not  sure  of  the  accuracy  of 
her  account  of  the  proceedings. 


For  her  to  alter  her  minutes  in  any  way,  after 
they  have  been  read  to,  and  accepted  by  the 
club,  unless  the  latter  so  order. 

For  her  to  refuse  to  enter  in  her  book  correc' 
tions  or  alterations  ordered  by  the  club. 


348  Correct  $^mg 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

For  the  secretary  to  appeal  to  the  club,  where 
the  executive  board  ask  her  to  write  what  she 
believes  not  to  be  correct,  or  where  they  treat 
her,  as  she  thinks,  unfairly. 

To  appoint  a  secretary  "  pro  tempore,"  to  act 
in  the  absence  of  the  regular  officer. 

To  elect  as  treasurer  a  person  of  standing  in 
the  community,  and  one  who  has  some  knowl- 
edge of  accounts. 

For  the  treasurer  to  be  able,  at  any  meeting 
of  the  club,  to  state  what  amount  of  money  is  in 
the  treasury. 

For  the  treasurer  to  collect  the  dues  at  the 
proper  time,  sending  a  printed  form  or  writing 
a  courteous  personal  note  to  each  member  of  the 
club. 

For  any  one  who  is  thought  to  have  offended 
against  the  rules  of  the  club  to  be  heard  in  her 
own  defence,  before  she  is  adjudged  guilty. 

For  all  club  members,  and  especially  the 
officers,  to  welcome  new  members  cordially. 


a  Woman's  €fu6  349 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

For  any  one,  save  the  regularly  elected  secre- 
tary, to  enter  anything  in  her  record  book,  unless 
ordered  to  do  so  by  the  club,  in  case  of  her  pro- 
tracted absence. 

For  a  person  appointed  secretary  "  pro  tem- 
pore," to  act  when  the  regular  secretary  is 
present. 

For  the  treasurer  to  neglect  to  balance  her 
accounts  carefully. 

For  her  to  allow  the  club  to  run  into  debt, 
without  notifying  them  of  the  fact. 

For  the  treasurer  to  send  dunning  notices  on 
postal  cards,  or  to  be  curt  in  her  reminders  to 
the  members. 

For  a  woman's  club  to  institute  Star  Chamber 
proceedings,  and  condemn  a  member,  without 
giving  her  a  chance  to  defend  herself. 

To  take  as  a  personal  grievance  the  defeat  of 
one's  candidate,  or  of  a  motion  in  which  one  is 
interested. 


350  Cottui  $5mg 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  avoid  the  personal  note,  and  to  remember 
that  others  may  differ  with  us,  about  a  motion, 
the  election  of  a  candidate  or  the  like,  without 
the  smallest  ill-feeling  toward  us  or  any  inten- 
tion of  treating  us  with  discourtesy. 

Where  one  thinks  a  vote  has  been  wrongly 
counted,  minutes  improperly  recorded,  or  any 
matter  unfairly  stated,  to  arise  and  say  so, 
courteously  but  firmly,  asking  for  a  recount  or 
alteration. 

Where  one  thinks  the  other  members  are  in 
error,  to  endeavor  to  persuade  them  of  this,  and 
having  done  so  — 

To  acquiesce  cheerfully  where  the  decision  is 
adverse. 

To  drop  the  consideration  of  a  subject  which 
is  producing  ill-feeling  and  undue  excitement  in 
the  club. 

To  have  the  social  functions  of  a  club  on  a 
scale  suited  to  the  means  of  members  possessed 
of  a  modest  purse. 


(gf  a  Woman's  Cfufi 


351 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  acquiesce,  to  all  appearance,  in  the  justice 
of  a  proceeding,  and  then  say  to  those  about  you 
or  to  your  friends,  that  it  is  all  very  unfair. 


To  be  over-persistent  in  forcing  upon  the  con- 
sideration of  the  club  some  matter  the  members 
do  not  care  to  discuss. 

In  the  current  events  department,  to  allow 
subjects  to  be  presented  from  a  partisan  stand- 
point, without  giving  an  opportunity  for  their 
presentation  from  the  opposite  point  of  view. 

For  a  club  to  give  lavish  entertainments, 
especially  where  some  of  the  members  are  not 
rich. 


352  t^c  Cottui  t^in^ 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  attend  the  business  and  literary  sessions 
of  a  ciub,  when  in  deep  mourning. 

To  have  the  refreshments  suited  to  the  season 
and  the  weather. 

To  be  ready  to  do  one's  fair  share  of  work 
cheerfully. 

To  be  willing  to  take  office,  when  one's  turn 
comes. 

To  have  the  office  seek  the  woman,  rather 
than  the  woman  the  office. 

Lectures 

To  have  it  clearly  understood  whose  duty  it 
shall  be  to  engage  lecturers.  This  task  usually 
devolves  on  the  corresponding  secretary  or  on 
the  chairman  of  the  programme  committee. 

In  corresponding  with  a  lecturer,  to  state 
whether  you  desire  him  to  address  the  club  only, 
the  club  and  invited  guests,  or  the  general  public. 

As  soon  as  it  is  decided  whether  or  not  the 
club  wishes  to  engage  him,  to  write  promptly 
and  say  so. 


(^t  a  Woman'0  £fu6  353 

•a 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  attend  the  social  reunions  of  a  club,  when 
in  deep  mourning. 

To  give  ice-cream  only,  on  a  cold,  rainy  day, 
or  hot  tea  and  coffee  only,  on  a  very  warm  day. 

For  those  who  are  busy  or  lacking  in  energy, 
to  frown  on  all  proposals  to  extend  the  work  of 
the  club,  where  other  members  are  ready  and 
willing  to  carry  out  new  projects. 


Lectures 

To  invite  a  large  number  of  persons  to  hear  a 
lecture,  or  to  sell  tickets  to  persons  outside  the 
club,  where  the  speaker  has  been  asked  to  ad- 
dress the  society  at  special  rates. 

To  induce  a  lecturer  to  come  at  a  reduced 
price,  on  the  plea  that  the  club  is  poor,  and  then 
spend  money  on  extensive  floral  decorations  or 
on  refreshments  served  to  the  audience,  at  the 
close  of  the  address. 


354  Comcf  Z^im 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

To  have  the  hour,  day  and  subject  clearly 
understood  a  sufficient  time  in  advance. 

For  the  president,  secretary  or  chairman  of 
committee  to  write,  a  week  or  a  fortnight  before 
the  day  set  for  the  lecture,  reminding  the  speaker 
of  the  date,  and  enclosing  time-table  of  trains. 

For  the  secretary  or  some  other  member  of  the 
club  to  meet  the  speaker  at  the  railroad  station, 
with  a  carriage. 

To  see  that  he  is  suitably  entertained  either 
at  the  house  of  some  club  member  or  at  a  com- 
fortable hotel. 

For  the  chairman  of  programme  committee  or 
other  officer  to  see  that  the  lecturer  has  a  warm 
and  comfortable  room  in  which  to  wait  while  the 
business  of  the  club  is  being  transacted,  taking 
him  to  a  seat  in  the  assembly-room,  where  no 
other  apartment  is  available. 

For  the  club  to  postpone  if  possible  the  con- 
sideration of  business  until  after  the  lecture, 
when  the  speaker  is  anxious  to  take  an  early  train. 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  induce  some  speakers  to  come  at  a  reduced 
price,  in  order  that  the  club  may  be  able  to  pay 
a  high  price  to  another  lecturer.  This  is  con-> 
trary  to  the  laws  of  fair  play. 

To  expect  a  lecturer  to  address  a  large  num- 
ber of  invited  guests  for  a  fee  appropriate  to  a 
small  audience. 

To  name,  in  corresponding  with  a  lecturer,  the 
hour  of  club  m.eeting  only,  not  mentioning  at 
what  hour  he  is  expected  to  speak,  thus  obliging 
him  in  some  cases  to  lose  valuable  time. 

To  write  to  a  lecturer  asking  him  whether  he 
can  address  the  club  on  a  certain  date,  and  then 
omit  to  notify  him  that  the  club  has  decided  to 
engage  some  one  else. 

To  allow  a  stranger  to  arrive  and  have  no  one 
meet  her  at  the  station. 

To  expose  a  speaker  to  the  danger  of  taking 
cold  by  sending  an  open  vehicle  with  inadequate 
wraps  to  meet  her,  or  by  allowing  her  to  stand  in 
a  cold  or  windy  place  waiting  for  the  street-car. 


356  <J9e  Comet  Z^in^ 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

For  the  president,  secretary  or  other  officer  to 
accompany  the  speaker  to  the  platform,  preced- 
ing him  down  the  aisle,  in  order  to  show  him  the 
way.  When  the  speaker  is  a  lady,  she  is  usually 
asked  to  ascend  the  stage  or  platform  in  advance 
of  her  conductor. 

To  ask  a  speaker  whether  he  prefers  to  sit  oi! 
stand,  whether  he  needs  a  reading-desk  or  arti- 
ficial light,  and  in  a  drawing-room,  where  he 
prefers  to  stand. 

For  the  president  or  chairman  of  the  day  to 
introduce  the  lecturer  to  the  audience,  in  a  few 
courteous  and  well-chosen  words.  She  should 
then  take  her  seat  on  one  side  of  the  platform 
or  retire  to  the  floor. 

To  have  a  good  kerosene  lamp  always  trimmed 
and  ready  for  use,  where  there  is  neither  gas  not 
electric  light  fixture  near  the  reading-desk,  and 
to  place  a  glass  of  water  on  the  latter. 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  take  a  speaker  who  has  come  from  a  dis- 
tance to  the  lecture  hall  without  first  ascertaining 
whether  he  has  lunched  or  dined,  as  the  case  may 
be,  or  without  asking  whether  he  or  she  would 
like  to  make  any  change  of  toilette. 

To  neglect  to  provide  a  dressing-room  or  at 
least  a  mirror,  where  she  may  ascertain  the  angle 
of  her  bonnet  or  hat. 

To  allow  a  person  who  has  come  from  a  dis- 
tance to  depart,  without  offering  her  some  re- 
freshment. 

For  a  presiding  officer  to  make  a  long  speech 

when  introducing  the  speaker  of  the  day,  or  to 
disparage  the  views  of  one  who  does  not  agree 
with  her,  when  presenting  the  latter  to  the  audi- 
ence.  To  do  this  would  be  to  take  an  unfair 
advantage  of  her  position  as  president. 

To  keep  her  waiting  in  a  cold  anteroom  while 
the  business  of  the  club  is  being  transacted. 


358  t^c  €omcf  ^ping 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

At  the  close  of  the  lecture,  for  the  president 
to  return  to  her  place,  and  call  for  remarks 
from  the  members,  or  for  questions,  where  the 
speaker  has  expressed  a  willingness  to  answer 
these. 

For  the  president  to  ascertain  whether  it  will 
be  agreeable  to  the  speaker  to  meet  the  mem- 
bers, and  to  introduce  a  reasonable  number  of 
them  to  him. 

For  club  members  to  give  entertainments  to 
lecturers  coming  from  a  distance,  after  hav- 
ing ascertained  that  this  will  be  agreeable  to 
them. 

To  remember  that  a  speaker  needs  time  for 
rest,  and  to  refrain  from  killing  her  with  kind- 
ness (Fide  Ruth  McEnery  Stewart's  "Authors' 
Reading  at  Simpkinsville  "). 

For  a  lecturer  to  accept  cheerfully  and  uncom- 
plainingly the  small  hardships  of  travel  and  the 
arrangements  made  by  the  club,  wherever  she 
can  possibly  do  so. 


®t  ^  "Woman's  £fu6  359 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  conduct  any  business  that  can  be  post» 
poned,  while  the  lecturer  is  waiting,  especially  if 
the  latter  is  not  herself  a  clubwoman. 

To  place  a  speaker  directly  in  front  of  a  bright 
light,  thus  rendering  his  face  invisible  to  the 
audience. 

To  have  the  clubroom  so  near  passing  trains 
that  the  audience  have  great  difficulty  in  hearing 
what  is  said. 

To  place  large  bunches  of  flowers  on  the  read- 
ing-desk in  such  a  way  as  to  interfere  with  the 
convenience  of  the  speaker  and  with  the  view  of 
the  audience. 

To  expect  a  lecturer  to  read  his  manuscript  by 
the  aid  of  gas  or  electric-light  fixtures  placed  high 
on  the  wall. 

To  expect  him  to  answer  many  questions  after 
making  a  long  address. 

To  introduce  many  persons  to  him,  especially 
if  he  be  old  or  infirm,  since  public  speaking  is 
exhausting  work. 


360  t'^e  Conui  €§inQ 


It  is  the  Correct  Thing 

For  a  lecturer  who  needs  special  provisions 
for  her  comfort  or  convenience,  to  notify  her 
correspondent  of  these  in  good  season. 

For  a  lecturer  whose  strength  will  not  permit 
her  to  carry  out  a  programme  arranged  for  her 
entertainment,  to  say  so  courteously,  expressing 
her  sincere  thanks  for  the  offered  kindness,  and 
regretting  her  inability  to  accept  it,  on  account  of 
the  limitations  of  her  strength  or  the  short  dura- 
tion of  her  stay. 


(^t  (X  Roman's  €fu6  361 


It  is  not  the  Correct  Thing 

To  introduce  so  much  "  local  talent,"  as  to 
overload  the  programme,  weary  the  audience, 
and  unduly  detain  the  speaker  of  the  day. 

For  a  lecturer  co  be  brusque  or  curt  in 
manner. 

For  him  to  fail  to  respond  in  a  spirit  of  cour- 
tesy and  cordiality  to  the  efforts  made  by  the 
club  to  render  his  stay  agreeable,  even  if  he  be 
too  weary  to  enjoy  the  offered  entertainment. 


THE  END. 


A 

Abbreviations 
17,  31,  69 

Addresses  (in  Correspond- 
ence) 

12,  16-22,  27-29,  30-31, 

32-33,  276-277 
Afternoon  Teas 

45,  50-51,  62,  168-179 
"  At  Homes  " 

27-29,  88,  168 


B 

Baggage 

252-255 
Balls  (see  also  Dances) 

24,  28-29,  154-155 
Bills 

(see  Debts) 
Bowing 

94,  154,  156,  158,  164, 

166,  238-239,  242,  245- 

251,  257,  268 
Breakfasts 

31,  190 
Business  Conduct 

272-281 

C 

Calling-Cards 

(see  Visiting- Cards) 
Calls,  Business 

278-279 


Calls,  Social 

34-57,  221,  293 
Canes 

54-55 
Cars,  Railroad 

252,  256,  258-261,  263, 

265,  267 
Cars,  Street 

268-271 
Cards 

(see  Visiting- Cards) 
Chaperones 

27,39,54, 153, 158, 163, 

314-317,  319 
Children 

58,  66,  86-87,  144-151 
Churches 

264-265 
Clothes 

(see  Dress) 
Clubs  (Men) 

302-311 
Clubs  (Women) 

336-361 
Coat-of-Arms 

35 
Colleges 

312-325 
Concerts 

193,  295 
Condolence 

46-48,  296-301 
Conversation 

58-63,  102-103 

(see  also  Speech) 


3^4 


3Jnbex 


Correspondence,  Business 

276-279 
Correspondence,  Social 

12-23,  194-195 


D 

Dances  (see  also  Balls) 

152-167,  178 
Debts 

272-273,  308,  322-323, 

349 

Dinner  Invitations 

24-27,  28-29,  30-31,  40, 

44-45 
Dinners,  Formal 

102-129,  130-131 
Dinners,  Public 

112 

Dress  (Gentlemen) 

54-55,  176-177,  183, 
204-205,  207,  222,  230- 
236,  239,  252-253,  306 

Dress  (Ladies) 

47,  152-153,  174-177, 
180-181,  183,  204-205, 
207,  211,  214,  218-219, 
222-233,  239,  241,  252- 
253,  315 


E 

Engagements  (Marriage) 

46,  192-197 
Envelopes 

12-13,  14 


F 

Family  Circle 

(see  Home  Conduct) 
Fees 

(see  Tips) 
Flowers 

108-111,  156,  178,  180- 

181,  186,  194,  200,  203 
Foreign  Travel 

262-266 
FunerUs 

290,  293,  296,  298,  300- 

301 

G 

Glove-* 

55,  142-143,  178,  183. 

228-229 
Grace,  Saying 

105,  107 
Grammar 

72-73 

H 

Handwrititig 

13,  14-15,  ?^8 
Hats  (Men) 

54-55,  204,  246-249,  311 
Home  Conduct 

74-101 
Host 

26-27,  102,  104-105, 
107,  109,  124,  128-129, 
138,  140,  145,  157,  162, 
188 


3(nbex 


Hostess 

26-27,  42-43,  102-107, 
120-121,  129,  140-142, 
144-145,  152-156,  159- 
160,  162-164,  166,  169- 
170,  172,  174-181,  184, 
188-189,  191 

Hotels 
260,  262 

I 

Ink 

12-13 
Invitations 

24-33 

L 

Letters 

(see  Correspondence) 
Livery 

86-87,  128-129 
Luggage 

(see  Baggage) 
Luncheon  Invitations 

24,  28-29,  31,  44 
Luncheons 

180-191 

M 

Mourning 

28-30,  44,  48-49,  288- 
301,  352-353 

O 

Opera 
266,  295 


Overcoats  (Men) 

54,  177 
Overshoes  (Men) 

54-55 

P 

Paper,  Writing 

12-  13,  14 
Postal  Cards 

13-  15 
Postscripts 

19 
P.  p.  C. 

50-51,  310 
Presents 

317 

Public  Conduct 
(see  Street  Conduct) 

Punctuality 
74 

R 

Reception-Days 

38,  42-43,  88 
Receptions 

24,  44,  46,  50-51,  52,  88, 

168-179 
R.  s.  v.  p. 

28-29,  320 

S 

Schools,  Boarding 

332-335 
Schools,  Day 

326-331 


366 


Inbex 


Sealing-wax 

12-13 
Servants 

78-89 
Shopping 

282-287 
Signatures 

15-21,  276-277 
Slang 

17,  68-69,  77,  89 
Smoking 

74-75,    247-249,  267, 

270-271,  275,  306 
Speech 

64-73 

(see  also  Conversation) 
Stamps,  Postage 

12-13 
Station,  Railroad 

252,  254-257 
Steamboats 

259,  262 
Street  Conduct 

238-251 
Supper  Invitations 

31 

T 

Table  Laying 

96-101,    108-115,  117, 

120-122,  180,  182-183, 

184,  188 
Table  Manners 

130-151 
Teas 

(see  Afternoon  Teas) 


Thanks,  Letters  of 

22 
Theatres 

193,  266,  295,  315-317 
Tips 

265,  306 
Trains 

252-267 
Travelling 

252-271,  315 
Trunks 

(see  Baggage) 

U 

Umbrellas 
54,  177,  253 

.  V 
Visiting-Cards 
33-53,  86 

W 

Weddings 

26-27,  28-29,  46,  47,  50, 

192-193,  194,  198-221, 

298-299 
Widows 

36,  38-39,  209,  218-219, 

288,  290-293 
Widowers 

296-297 
Wine 

112,  114-115,  118-119, 
121-125,  140-141,  164- 
165,  169,  184-185,  219 
Writing 

(see  Correspondence) 


5      HI''"''  *  187369 


